My girlfriend and I live together. Her parents live around 20 minutes from us, and they do their best to be as involved in our lives as possible. I like her parents and I think they are nice people, but recently they have been coming over 1-3 times per week unannounced.
Most of the time it’s fine, but other times it’s really inconvenient. Sometimes they turn up while I’m working from home and expect to have a chat, even though working from home is still working and I cannot just lounge around not attending to my tasks. Or other times they turn up in the middle of dinner and expect us to have enough for them.
I finally had enough last weekend and told them that they should let us know if they are coming over. I told them that they are always welcome but that they should let us know as it can be really inconvenient. Me and my girlfriend were heading out to the cinema as they turned up, and our evening plans had to be cancelled.
My girlfriend’s mother was visibly upset and said, “we are just trying to be family”, and that I was trying to shut her out from our lives. Now they haven’t turned up in over a week. My girlfriend said her mother is quite upset with me and I feel awful.
Am I the asshole?
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My girlfriend and I live together. Her parents live around 20 minutes from us, and they do their best to be as involved in our lives as possible. I like her parents and I think they are nice people, but recently they have been coming over 1-3 times per week unannounced.
Most of the time it’s fine, but other times it’s really inconvenient. Sometimes they turn up while I’m working from home and expect to have a chat, even though working from home is still working and I cannot just lounge around not attending to my tasks. Or other times they turn up in the middle of dinner and expect us to have enough for them.
I finally had enough last weekend and told them that they should let us know if they are coming over. I told them that they are always welcome but that they should let us know as it can be really inconvenient. Me and my girlfriend were heading out to the cinema as they turned up, and our evening plans had to be cancelled.
My girlfriend’s mother was visibly upset and said, “we are just trying to be family”, and that I was trying to shut her out from our lives. Now they haven’t turned up in over a week. My girlfriend said her mother is quite upset with me and I feel awful.
Am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my girlfriends parents to stop dropping by unannounced, this huer them and I now they have not turned up in over a week. Now I feel awful due to hurting them, but I still want to be able to plan my day.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – you can’t be expected to live your lives in a constant state of readiness to entertain them according to their whims. The WFH one really ground my gears!
NTA. It’s incredibly rude to show up unannounced and expect people to drop everything to entertain the visitors. If they don’t want to call, they at least need to accept a no instead of expecting you to drop your plans. That said, this is a conversation that your girlfriend needs to have with her parents.
NTA. Unannounced visits multiple times a week is too much. You didn’t ban them, you just asked for a heads up. That’s normal adult boundary-setting
Stop letting it happen.
“Sorry guys we were just heading out. Catch you later” and leave.
NTA…her mother is being immature and extremely manipulative. You are living adult lives and need to be respected as adults. Don’t give in to their game by feeling awful.