I (27M) live in a semi-detached house with a decent-sized backyard and I take a lot of pride in it. I’ve spent the last three years turning it into a little oasis with flowers, a vegetable patch, a small patio with ambient lights, even a hammock. It’s not massive, but it’s mine and I’ve put a lot of thought and work into it.
My next-door neighbor, I got along with quite well so far, let’s call him Carl (40sM), approached me last month with what I thought was a joke. He said he’s been wanting a swimming pool for ages but his backyard is too small. He asked if I would let him build a pool in my backyard, like literally on my property, that he and his family could use.
At first, I laughed it off, but in the following course of our discussion it turned out that he was completely serious. He said we could “share” it, but he would pay for the installation and maintenance. His logic was that it would “increase the value” of my property anyway.
I told him straight up: no! I like my garden as it is, I don’t want strangers (or even him) walking through my gate whenever they please, and honestly, it feels insane to me that someone would even ask.
Carl got upset, saying I was being “selfish” and “short-sighted.” He pointed out that I don’t even use the garden every day, while his kids would get so much joy out of a pool. He even tried to guilt me, saying I’m single and “don’t really need all that space anyway.”
Now a few of the other neighbors have weighed in. Some agree with me (they said Carl is nuts for asking), but a couple of others said I could have at least considered it since it would be: a nice thing for the community.
I don’t see how this is my responsibility. It’s my land. I don’t want a pool. But now Carl is giving me the cold shoulder, and his wife muttered something about me being a “bad neighbor“..
So, AITAH for refusing to let my neighbor build a swimming pool in my garden?
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I (27M) live in a semi-detached house with a decent-sized backyard and I take a lot of pride in it. I’ve spent the last three years turning it into a little oasis with flowers, a vegetable patch, a small patio with ambient lights, even a hammock. It’s not massive, but it’s mine and I’ve put a lot of thought and work into it.
My next-door neighbor, I got along with quite well so far, let’s call him Carl (40sM), approached me last month with what I thought was a joke. He said he’s been wanting a swimming pool for ages but his backyard is too small. He asked if I would let him build a pool in my backyard, like literally on my property, that he and his family could use.
At first, I laughed it off, but in the following course of our discussion it turned out that he was completely serious. He said we could “share” it, but he would pay for the installation and maintenance. His logic was that it would “increase the value” of my property anyway.
I told him straight up: no! I like my garden as it is, I don’t want strangers (or even him) walking through my gate whenever they please, and honestly, it feels insane to me that someone would even ask.
Carl got upset, saying I was being “selfish” and “short-sighted.” He pointed out that I don’t even use the garden every day, while his kids would get so much joy out of a pool. He even tried to guilt me, saying I’m single and “don’t really need all that space anyway.”
Now a few of the other neighbors have weighed in. Some agree with me (they said Carl is nuts for asking), but a couple of others said I could have at least considered it since it would be: a nice thing for the community.
I don’t see how this is my responsibility. It’s my land. I don’t want a pool. But now Carl is giving me the cold shoulder, and his wife muttered something about me being a “bad neighbor“..
So, AITAH for refusing to let my neighbor build a swimming pool in my garden?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I shut my neighbor down immediately instead of considering his offer, even though some neighbors think it would have been nice for the community and for his kids and I mean in the end he also offered to pay for it…
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Its your property your rules. If he got upset about it then you better off not talking to him. He’s 40 and cant accept rejection
Not the asshole, dude tried to treat your backyard like it’s an Airbnb add-on. Your garden, your rules. no one’s entitled to your space just cause they want a pool.
NTA obviously, I can’t believe you even have to ask. The neighbours who agreed with Carl – tell Carl they think a swimming pool would be a great thing for the community so he should build it in their garden.
I‘m baffled how entitled some people are. NTA.
NTA. Wtf is wrong with people. Sounds like a legal/property headache.
NTA
You will be liable if anything happens since it is on your property. Even worse if the entire community decides it would be an “communal” pool. End of discussion.
No way this is real
NTA, of course. SO many questions left in answered, but the main one is the other neighbors… “Good for the community”?? So they plan to be using Carls’ pool as well, that’s on your property?
NTA – one word: liability!
NTA. Who is held liable if someone gets injured on your half of the property? The idea is ridiculous.
NTA “nice thing for the community” just reinforces your point that you don’t want strangers in your back garden. Weird as fuck ask tbh.
NTA – If there was an accident you would be liable
LIABILITY
NTA. That’s completely bonkers, no. Even if you didn’t have a garden you loved, you’d have to take care of an unwanted pool, and if someone drowns in that pool, you will be responsible. And pools generally raise the value of your property minimally if at all. Carl and his spouse can sulk all they want.
Tell the neighbors that they’re welcome to put a pool in their backyard and let Carl come in anytime and use it.
NTA, it’s your property and he has no right to build anything on it. It absolutely is wild that he would even think you would allow it.
Liability. NTA.
Consider it and say NO. This is some BS if they really think they’re going to take over YOUR yard
NTA
Just ignore them.
Why would you and Carl having a private pool be a “nice thing for the community”?
Sounds like Carl is promising them that he would allow them all to use “his pool”.
NTA.
NTA those neighbours who are weighing in, have just volunteerd their garden to become public for Calr and his family.
Your garden, your rules is it fenced in? I would get quotes today for a fence.
You “sound” US…. don’t you guys also have huge liability with insurance problems if theywould then have an accident in their pool on your property? so many extra reasons, besides your main on
you do not want a pool in your garden end of discussion
Your property taxes would go up too. It’s your property and NO is a complete sentence. The audacity of him to even ask and get upset when you refuse!
NTA. On liability alone this is something to decline.
Any of the neighbors who act like you should have considered it are welcome to volunteer their space 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
NTA, your neighbor is overbearing.
NTA. When I read the title I thought I’d misunderstood it. No: this is as strange as it could be.
Sounds like the neighbors that are saying you should have at least considered it are volunteering their own property for the pool.
NTA
If they think it’d be nice for the community, they can let HIM take a huge chunk of their land.
NTA.
Just imagine if a child drowns in the swimming pool.A pool that’s on your property! Are you willing to go to jail for negligence of others?
LOL he called you ‘selfish ‘. As if. Honestly, some of the fiction on here.
If you want a community pool change your insurance so when someone gets hurt, and they will, you can afford the lawsuit. NTA.
Carl is out of his mind. NTA
As soon as a story says others have chimed in, family, neighbours, coworkers, etc. Instant flags.
NTA. I hope you’ve got fences and some cameras because Carl sounds crazy.
NTA at all, Carl is nuts
So it wont be only Carl and his family trespassing but the whole community? And what about Carl’s future pool parties?
YOUR yard is the way YOU want. Carl’s yard is the way HE wants. If it’s too small for a poll, bad luck
You can have my back yard for a pool if I can have the upper floor of your house.
Nta put a fence
Nta the community will be all over your property. It’s your insurance that’ll get hit if something happens.
It’s ok putting a pool in your garden but what happens if you wanted to sell your house?
Lots of legal problems for you and the new buyer
NTA
NTA at all. Your neighbor is unhinged to even ask this. Besides all of the potential legal issues you could invite onto your property. You are smart to say no and cut it off immediately. People that would even ask this and then act offended when given a valid answer, are not the type to maintain reasonable boundaries. If any more neighbors weigh in, (not that it matters bc it’s your property), ask them if that means they are offering up their own yard. That should shut them up. Sorry you gotta deal with this but you are completely in the right.
NTA – What would happen if you sell the house? Nobody would buy if he made you sign some sort of “right to access” document.
NTA. Carl is effing nuts.
“Others are saying it’ll be good for the community” okay so they can open a community pool in their backyard.
Not the asshole. What about when you what a quiet night at home and they want a pool party. There kids want to bring all their friends over to swim. The risk on your insurance. There is no way I would do this.
I really don’t understand the believability of situations like these when it’s so very clear that OP is NTA, but somehow the neighborhood/other family members/friends ‘weigh in’ to support the other person.
Its funny, being from UK, how many folk just went straight to “liability” rather than it just being a silly request than is 100% okay to say no to.
Fo back to that one neighbour and say you’ve considered it and its still a no.
Then tell Carl to install it, then you gate it all off and request people pay to use it and sign a waiver each time.
NTA- Neighbor is nuts. Liability. Then, what would happen if/when you sell? Seriously. Cost is nothing compared to what you would be giving up and the liabilities.
I don’t understand the hesitation. I built a pool in my neighbor’s yard. And it wasn’t even my next-door neighbor!
NTA. No, why would you want to be liable for his kids. Man is a joke.
NTA The sheer magnitude of headaches you’d give yourself by doing this is like taking on a part time job.
Nope, nope, nope.
NTA. Carl seems deluded.
Any neighbor who has issues can volunteer up their yard. Doesn’t even matter if they’re adjacent—I mean, you’re basically granting permanent easement and access to your property to whoever owns that home. It’s a pretty sweet deal for him if he can get anyone to agree to it. And liability? Don’t make me laugh!! NTA.
Someone wants to build a community pool in your backyard. I can see how well this would go over. NTA
NTA. In what would can you ask to build on someone else’s land?
Since Carl doesn’t seem to accept your no, and he got flying monkeys involved to try to get you to cave. This isn’t over. Install cameras on your property.
He may wait until you’re gone on a business trip or vacation, and he will to build his community pool on your property anyway.
“Well, the pool’s already installed. You see little Suzie over there? Would you really take the pool away from her?”
Cover your bases because this is where the trip to delulu land is headed. The whole situation is a liability. Your neighbour is an entitled butthole. Hold your ground.
Nta. He gonna pay the liability and insurance costs too…of course not.
NTA. Your taxes will go up, your insurance will go up dramatically, you’ll have to worry about fencing, God only knows what will happen when it’s time to sell or even do maintenance on the pool . . . Carl is the AH for even asking such an extreme thing.
Ask “Carl” if you can set up a mini bar inside his house for the community to enjoy. Open all hours.
NTA, you have no obligations to let others use your property
Having a hard time suspending my disbelief on this one. No person with a working brain would think this was a reasonable request! The neighbors believing OP is being unreasonable for not wanting to basically give up their property simply because their next door wants it for a pool?? …that would negatively affect property value and insurance?? Make that make sense! And btw….who the eff CARES what the neighbors think? Its not their property or their mortgage payment!
Every other story there’s “friends” , coworkers or neighbors who think OP’s are wrong for not caving to ridiculous demands. I’m to the point where I think 80% of the stories posted here are fake and this especially is an easy tell. End rant
NTA
If you let him do this, all liability for and accidents, injuries it (God forbid) deaths fall on you, not him.
How is Carl even being serious about this?
This can’t be real. NTA anyway. What a ridiculous thing to even propose and to get offended for refusing it is even more ridiculous. I’d rather be a “bad neighbour” than suffer from the noise the neighbours kids are making every day.
Let one of the other neighbors step up.
Carl is a massive, self entitled bellend.
NTA I don’t even know where to start with this one…. ITS YOUR PROPERTY. There are so many reasons that you should never agree to this, most of which are legal/ liability reasons. All that aside there is also the massive flaw in his logic of him claiming you don’t use your garden everyday, but his kids will enjoy the pool all the time. That’s what’s short sighted here. Basically everyone I know who gets a pool eventually gets bored of it and goes from using it everyday to only once in a while. That’s especially true for children.
Carl can use his cold shoulder to cool off from the heat because he sure isn’t getting a pool
NTA. Nice for the community? How about somebody else volunteers for this? Ask everyone else that tries to put weight on you ‘how about we do it in your garden, more than happy to contribute and come there every single sunny day, it’ll really be a joy for everyone and I’d feel like I’m on holiday too’. See how that changes their approach. Also tell carl just because you’re single and your garden is bigger than his with his family, that doesn’t mean now you need to agree to a pool in your private land. We can all agree that maybe he needs to find a bigger property. Some people have no shame. He’s the Asshole for asking neighbours to tag along in his delulu. Also, cut them all off.
“Nice thing for the community” = Every man jack and his brother will also use your new pool. NTA
If he wants to immerse himself in water that badly, he can install a hot tub in his yard…they take up less space than a pool.
Who are these weird neighbors thinking they have input to your life? What would make you think you even need to ask this question? Obviously it would be strange to let a neighbor build a pool on your property. Obviously it’s a horrible idea.
ETA: NTA
Liability is the key word. Town would have to approve. Tell him to put a small pool in his own yard or move to a house with a bigger yard. Screw the neighbors!!!
I mean look, it sounds like you were a bit of a dick about it. There’s an old saying, if you don’t ask you don’t get.
Nothing wrong with asking, despite how crazy you think it is. Just be polite in saying no
HELLLLLLL NO NTA
NTA. Would Carl pay for your increase in insurance? Would he pay all legal fees for the easement? He is a giant asshole for asking.
NTA. A big part of the joy of being a property owner is that you can make your property what you want, if you’ve got the budget for it. Another is having exclusive use of your property, and privacy to enjoy it. Expecting your neighbor to just give over a significant chunk of their land so you can use it the way you want to is so out there that I’m fairly sure this is just a wind-up. Especially when you added in some neighbors saying you should consider turning your garden into your neighbor’s kid’s paradise.
NTA I do not think it was wrong to ask, as such, but you certainly can say no. It would make selling the property rather complicated too. Being jerks about the refusal makes them the assholes, not asking.
Carl and his wife are out of their minds.
Lol…… Really?, other neighbors think it would be good for the community?
sure………….
Not sure how it works in the US (assuming) but, here if the pool were on both properties…. If one person sold it would have to removed.
if its wholly on the Ops property if he sold, the new owners could tell Neighbor to go away and not a thing he could do.
In can see people liking the community pool idea. Why dont you suggest they build the pool in their own backyards.
Nta, and honestly this sounds unhinged
Everyone else’s points being solid, I just want to point out that pools typically decrease real estate value
Is this for real? No, NTA.
If he wants to use your land, he can make an offer to buy it. Which you can choose to accept or refuse, as you wish.
This is so unserious 💀 NTA
Build it put up a impenetrable fence. Host community events don’t include Carl
Good for the community? You would have half the neighborhood in you backyard.
No on so many levels.
NTA
Fake.
Pools do not generally add value to your property. At least in most areas, especially in places where you get cold winters. It’s too much work and liability.
I love how your neighbors feel entitled to your yard! NTA. It would be insane to give up the yard you’ve created for yourself in order to turn your property into a neighborhood concession. Not to mention the issues when one of you goes to sell, and the liability.
Those who want “something nice for the community” are welcome to volunteer their own back yards.
NTA. And wtf do your neighbors mean a “nice thing for the community”? They would have zero access to it.
NTA. They think that because they will pay for it, because it is shared and you have a big backyard, that surely you will say yes. And don’t underestimate that some people will think they are owed because they have kids. That it automatically makes them a priority, always. Because kids are involved. That is probably why some neighbors think you should have considered it.
Carl and his wife are crazy for thinking that because they want more outdoor space, they are entitled to take it from someone else. They are also crazy for expecting someone to give up part of their property for communal use.
He can just install a small pool or hot tub or move into a home where he can have a pool or already has one. Or, like millions of parents, not have a pool. A pool is a luxury “item”. They can pout all they want, but the kids will not have a lesser quality of life for not having a backyard pool.
Tell him to go ahead and move. To a Bigger House with a bigger yard and. He can do his own pool
NTA-that’s a huge liability, hard pass!
Ignore the neighbors who say it would be good for the community. They just want to be able to use the pool. They would be running all over your yard. It is absolutely nuts that your neighbor would expect you to jump in and say, “Sure! Go ahead. Dig up my yard, pave it over, and let’s have the whole neighborhood over every day for four months.” Not to mention the maintenance. If your neighbor wants a pool so bad, he can get one that fits in his yard, or he can move to a bigger place. If he does put in a pool, make sure you put up a fence.
NTA.
NTA and those neighbours that agree with Carl just want a free pool for them to use too, which means a lot more than just your direct neighbour and his kids using your land. Carl’s request is absolutely bonkers.
Even if you were willing to entertain the thought of a shared swimming pool, insurance ramifications might be too big a hurdle to clear. NTA.
Is this a joke.
NTA. And if you are being selfish, you’re allowed to be – it’s your fucking garden!
Any neighbour that complains to you? Tell them that you’re happy to tell Carl that they’re volunteering to have the community pool built in their garden.
NTA but the neighbors that are saying it’s good for the community seem to be volunteering their yards.
NTA. Not everything in life has to be about bettering the community. Your home is your safe space, your retreat. Not a come as you please pool party zone.
Let me sleep in your bed because mine isn’t as comfy. You’re cooking anyway, so cook for me too, and do my laundry while you’re at it because you’re doing it for yourself anyway. You’re single so you don’t need all that money! Give me 25% of your salary.
This is how the people supporting him sound. They’re simply revealing their own narcissism. How greedy and entitled. Ignore them.