When I first met my husband’s friend, he seemed perfectly fine. He’s well-educated, good-looking, takes care of himself, and overall gave the impression of being a decent guy. The first time he came to our home, I cooked for him, we all ate together, and everything felt completely normal.
Later on, though, he started texting me. At first, it was just compliments about my cooking. I brushed it off politely, but a couple of days later he texted again—this time saying he couldn’t get me out of his mind because of the way I dress and talk. That already made me uncomfortable. And then, things escalated: he somehow found me on Snapchat and began sending me nude photos. I immediately blocked him.
I told my husband everything right away and voiced my concerns, but he dismissed it like I was exaggerating. Despite my protests, he invited this “friend” over again, saying the guy lives alone and doesn’t get proper meals.
That second visit is when things got truly disturbing. This man started moving physically closer to me, and worst of all, he crossed boundaries with my kids. He twisted my young son’s hand while playing, and I had to pull my son away and send him to another room. Then he picked up my 4-year-old daughter and put her in his lap, which instantly made me uncomfortable, so I grabbed her away too. And when my husband wasn’t in the room, this so-called “friend” tried to hug me forcefully. I scolded him and pushed him off.
After that, I told my husband in no uncertain terms: this man is never coming into our house again. I even warned him that if this person ever stepped foot in our home, I would leave with the kids. My husband finally stopped inviting him over after that.
But here’s the part that breaks me: even after knowing everything—how his friend harassed me, sent me nudes, crossed lines with my kids, and even tried to touch me—my husband still chooses to visit this man and his girlfriend every month or two. Me and the kids plead with him not to, but he ignores us. He knows the intentions and actions of this man, and he knows I raised every concern before things got this bad, yet he continues to prioritize that friendship.
So, AITA for putting my foot down and saying my husband should not be seeing this “friend” at all?
Comments
Your husband is trash. The sooner you accept that the sooner you can decide how to move forward. Hes not going to stop seeing his friend because he doesnt think his friend is in the wrong at all. And he doesnt care what you think
NTA, but your husband hasn’t cared what you’ve said about his friend thus far. What does “putting your foot down” about this entail? Are you going to leave him if he keeps seeing this friend?
100000% NTA. This is wild. Has your husband expressed interests in non monogamy/couple swapping? Because this is the only legitimate reason to why your husband might allow this behaviour?
This kinda feels like rage bait, yaaaawn
You’re not an AH. Your husband either doesn’t believe you, or doesn’t care – which is odd.
Divorce your hubby and move out of state with your kids now!!!
NTA But your husband brushing his friends’ actions off as ‘overreacting’ is disturbing because what else is he dismissive of when it isn’t his wife & kids
if this isnt rage bait, PLEASE leave this man, oh my god!? I usually dont advocate for just getting the f out of there, but he is not protecting you or your children! That man would rather have his bro try to fuck his wife and hurt his kids than not being his bro. Please, for your kids, think about if this is a man you want to trust to protect, love and care for those kids.
It looks fake. But if it’s not, the guy only did all this because he knew he could go beyond limits and his husband wouldn’t do anything.
I call bs
Obvious rage bait..
How did he get your cell number? Why can’t this guy figure out how to get himself “proper meals”?
Sends your wife nudes? Hubby sure lacks any protective instincts! Good lord! What WOULD it take for him to drop this ‘friend’?
My first guess is that he’s DL and his friend is also his boyfriend.
Uhuh. It’s not normal to brush off a friend sending your wife nudes.
I reckon your husband was hoping for a threesome with this guy – and probably has one with him and his girlfriend.
Why are you still with this man? He doesn’t respect you or your children. Is friend is an asshole but he’s the bigger you got not protecting you.
Yea no for yours and your kids sake id honestly consider therapy or leaving him. What if your kids get molested or sexually harassed by one of his close buddies and then he tells them it’s not a big deal and still continues to associate with the harasser?? What if his friend full on assault you? He is going to say you’re dramatic? Every woman has had a bad experience with a man. And a lot of men claim not to know sexual harassers??? Of course they don’t because when situations like this arise they ignore it. This is not a man I would ever trust with my life. If that friend comes over again you and your kids are either leaving until he is gone or you leave your husband. You’re supposed to work as a pair and your husband is a selfish human for allowing the disgusting monstrosity that he is allowing around you. Protect yourself and your kids girl. And if divorce is what it comes to then do it.
What does this friend have on him? No normal man is fine with their wife getting nude pics from their friends. Men are way too jealous for that. It’s also not normal for a wife to express serious concerns and a husband to just dismiss them especially when there’s evidence. Is your husband in debt to him for something?
I’d give an ultimatum especially since he kept touching your kids. Tell husband to stop associating with this person or you’re out. Tbh I’m not ever sure how you could share a bed with your husband when his friend t physically harassed you and the kids.
NTA, but you will be if you continue allowing a man who doesn’t give a single crap about you or your kids comfort/safety/security to take up this much space in their lives. Is this the example you want to leave your kids with on how they should be treated in their future relationships? You said in another comment that you won’t leave if he continues this, but you state in your post that you’re “putting your foot down.” it seems the foot is down & he’s still doing it, so maybe the foot being down needs to be more drastic than just telling him you’re uncomfortable (which he has shown he doesn’t care about)
edit to add: saw a comment where you said this has been going on for 2 years???! NTA, but also, this seems ridiculous now. If you aren’t going to do right by your kids and work on an actual actionable plan, then accept it. And if you don’t want to accept it, then actually do right by your kids.
I love my friends but if they ever did this to wife and especially made her feel this way, I would have to put my foot down. The friend needs to find some singles that are actually…single
He’s probably your husband’s boyfriend.
Maybe they are into threesome or swinging.
You need to investigate.
What is your husband doing with them?
Does he believe you about the nudes? This should be a valid reason to cut any man out of his life completely. The only reason I can come up with is that he thinks you’re lying or exaggerating, which is also a problem. I would phrase your disdain for his friend by pointing out that he has shown a complete disregard for your husband’s well-being. By crossing boundaries with you, he has shown that he doesn’t give a shit about your husband and was willing to destroy his marriage.
NTA but honey,I’m worried about the type of person your husband is. I am not in a marriage but my man and I have been together 8 years. If I told him one of his “friends” was sending me nudes on Snapchat not only would that person never be allowed over, that person would have also gotten his ass kicked. None the less how it escalated with yourself and your kids. While I’m not saying your husband should resort to violence necessarily, the fact that he doesn’t care another man is acting this way to his wife and children is a huge red flag. 🚩
There’s more to this. Sounds like your husband has a kink he’s pursuing.
I’m getting the feeling that your husband wanted his friend to have sex with you. Probably a three way or he wanted to watch. He was too afraid to ask so he let his friend try to put the moves on you. Now, he goes over to his friend’s where they play with his friend’s gf.
I believe that’s why he didn’t react when his friend was being inappropriate with you.
INFO: Is your husband in a relationship with this man? That’s the only reason I can see for him to act this way.
This seems fake. Your kids pleaded w him not to go? Nah.
ESH. Him for being a shithead, you for refusing to leave.
I think your husband is trying to get you to fuck his friend while he watches. Don’t be surprised if this becomes the scenario later down the road
I could never imagine this happening with my partner. If I told him someone like that made me uncomfortable and sent me nudes of all things, that alone might piss him off enough to not want to engage himself. Your husband doesn’t care about you and your well being. You said this man was preying on you and made you feel unsafe and he didn’t do shit but continue to make you feel unsafe. He brought this guy back into your home when you stated NO I’m not comfortable and he made your kids uncomfortable too.
Girl….
You never showed your husband the nudes? I wouldn’t open this man’s snap until my husband was next to me.
Birds of a feather…my guess is your husband is treating his friend’s gf like his friend is treating you.
Hence, him still going to see them.
He’s probably hooking up with your husband also.
They’re trying to run a train on you! 😉 Your husband is aware and part of the plan. Either you want to participate, or you don’t. Either way, RAGE BAIT! 🍻 *also, why are your young kids involved with begging your husband not to see his friend? That sounds manipulative to me and makes me wonder if you just made this up because you don’t like your spouse to have friends. Leave your young kids out of this. If this isn’t rage bait, you already know what to do bc your kids come first.
Sounds to me like your husband literally does not care about you or the kids. Might be encouraging this behavior from his friend. And probably engages in this type of behavior himself as well. I’m willing to bet anything that your husband has not been an upstanding man throughout your relationship. NTA for putting your foot down, but like what do you think you’re going to gain from it? He literally doesn’t care.
Husband may have a hot wife fetish..
so if my partner”s friend send me nudes and i tell him he will go and kick his ass not continue to be his friend
Maybe your husband is into you being flirted with by men?
Your husband is fucking his friends girlfriend, and serving you up to his buddy