I’m getting married soon (28M) and honestly I thought the hardest part would be like, seating charts or catering, not this mess. My mom passed away when I was 19, and it still hits me hard sometimes. She was literally my best friend. At my wedding, I wanted to honor her by leaving her seat open in the front row with a small flower arrangement. Nothing dramatic, just… my way of having her there, yk?
My dad remarried like 4 years ago, and his wife (my stepmom, 50s) has always been… idk, polite but also kinda pushy? Like she always wants people to see her as “the mom figure” when tbh, she’s not. She asked me the other day if she’ll be sitting in “my mom’s spot” at the ceremony. I told her, no, that seat is reserved for my mom’s memory. She got super offended and started saying I’m disrespecting her, that she’s been “like a mother” to me (she hasn’t) and that people will think it’s rude if she’s not up front next to my dad.
I tried to explain calmly but she just doubled down, saying “your mom isn’t here anymore, I am.” That honestly made my blood boil. Like, I get she’s married to my dad, but she’s not replacing my mom, and she never will. Now my dad is caught in the middle and told me maybe I should just let her sit there “to avoid drama.” But I feel like if I give in, I’d be betraying my mom’s memory on the most important day of my life.
So now half my family thinks I’m being cold and “petty” for not letting her sit there, and the other half is like “it’s your wedding, do what you want.” Idk, it’s messy. AITA for refusing to let my stepmom sit in my late mom’s place?
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NTA. That seat is for your mom, not a competition. Weddings are your day, and honoring her memory isn’t “petty,” it’s personal. Your stepmom can deal with sitting somewhere else.
NTA, it is YOUR wedding. Not your step-mom’s. YOU get to decide what happens, even if it means kicking her out of the wedding in fear she’ll make a scene. You need to let your dad know that he has to be on your side for this, or they can both not attend the wedding. She will be perfectly fine sitting in a different seat other than the one reserved for your mom’s memory
Or, give her a “special step-mom” seat at the back lol
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Your dad is failing you. If this is real, why would he allow his wife, who he has only been married to for four years and met you as an adult, to impose herself like this? And any family who thinks you’re in the wrong should have their invitations revoked for being so disrespectful to you AND your mother.
NTA- your mother will forever be your mum and she deserves that spot as a reminder she’s there to support you every step in life , not your step mum who wants to take that title.
She’s not even really a stepmom, considering you were already an adult when she came along. Remind her of that and that it’s your wedding and she needs to stop trying to make it about her. NTA.
This seems so fake. An open chair is literally not hurting anyone. There is no way “HALF your family” is upset with you.
This is your wedding and your day. You honor your mom as you see fit. She is your dad’s wife and she does not replace your mother. No one replaced your mother. You still have a mother even though she is not alive. That doesn’t change. What you want to do sounds lovely and you tell these people it is no longer open for discussion. People do many different things like pictures, candles, whatever. The seat with the flowers sounds lovely. No one can take this from you and not their place to try.
NTA. You were a 24yr old grown adult when they married. She is your dad’s wife, not your mum.
You don’t automatically get that title just because you marry someone with children
NTA- her feelings do not matter in YOUR wedding. You arent doing anything to her except denying her request to take your Moms spot. Period. The answer is No. she will live and your wedding will go the way you want it to.
NTA. She married your dad when you were 24. What more “mothering” could’ve she done for a 24-year-old adult man?
Her comment about your mom was uncalled for. She’s an AH for that. She could’ve just asked to sit next to your dad, but nooo she wants your mom’s seat.
NTA
Maybe dad needs to talk to his wife and tell her to take a step back to “avoid drama”
Assuming your stepmother is still seated in the front row next to your dad, NTA. if not, YTA.
It’s your wedding. You get to decide where people sit and who you want to be a part of the ceremony. People might get their feelings hurt and you may have some issues with certain family members, but, I think that you should choose you on your own wedding day and deal with the consequences later.
NTA. Your step mother is waaaaay overstepping.
Uninvite her. If you don’t set this uncrossable boundary now, she’ll have a free pass to do whatever she wants concerning your mother’s memory until the day she dies.
If you have kids, she’ll demand to be known as grandma and continue to erase your mom’s memory.
NTA, there is a solution to this and that is to seat your step mother next to your father then on the other side of your father, place your mother’s bouquet and chair. Don’t tell anyone the plan but one person so they can make sure it happens the way you want. Your friend can sit there until your step mother and father sit down then get up, putting the flowers in place and go sit where they are supposed to so it is too late to say or do anything without step mother looking like she wants something she doesn’t deserve and looks bad for wanting to exclude your mother and take her place. Everyone gets a place, maybe not as step mother wants, but as you want and your dad will literally be in the middle! I wish you the happiest of marriages and a wonderful wedding day. Have some fun with this woman by pulling these kinds of stunts every time she tries to dismiss your mother.
I’m a firm believer that the bride and groom have final say on whatever happens at their wedding. It’s your special day, not your step mother’s. if they have a problem with that, then don’t attend. Definitely NTA.
NTA, just in case.
But why is it in all these stories, “half the family” has an opinion? Even when it’s like borrowing a car? Who cares that much to bother a bride with?
You already know the answer mate. Absolutely NTA. What you’re doing is special and a perfect way to honor your mama in spirit. Don’t let anyone convince you to give that up. You tell your stepmum that you would be honoured if she sat next to that spot, that way you have them both there together.
OP … not one more word to them about your decision. I’d have another seat designated specifically for her and instruct the usher to take her directly to her seat. The seat for your Mom I would have decorated and a framed picture of her placed ON its seat. No way would I put up with this woman pushing her way into my wedding. Either mute or block her texts and calls. She can either come as your GUEST as you dictate or she doesn’t need to attend. PERIOD.
And no more discussion with your Dad. I’d tell him that you’ve made your decision and you’re not changing your mind. If it’s too much of him, he can opt out (I doubt that he would, though) and either you’ll have another male walk you or you’ll walk yourself down the aisle. Then both he and his battle-ax can sit in the 2nd row while you Mom’s decorated seat is on the FRONT row.
The nerve of people …. OMGOSH!
NTA!
Absolutely not, that seat is for your mum’s memory, it’s your day it’s not up for discussion….. If she can’t handle that and she is so worried what ppl think she is always welcome to sit at home!
NTA. Tell her you’re very aware that your mother’s no longer here but this is her chair you’re doing what you want and no she’s not sitting there. She’s never been your mother nor acted as your mother so she needs to back off or she’s going to be uninvited. And if your dad doesn’t go to your wedding because of your stepmother well you know where his loyalty lies. Your step mom needs to back off and shut up she’s there, your mom isn’t she should honor your wishes.
Just give her the seat on the other side, and enjoy your day
NTA… why does it have to be “your mom’s seat”?? Place the flowers where you want, if your dad sits next to that space put stepmonster on the other side. Ideally, mom’s space on the aisle, then dad, then her.
Nta. How many seats are in the front row? Typically there are several can she not sit in ANY OTHER seat? Still next to your dad? Might be a compromise to consider. Not that you have to.
I think honouring your Mom is a wonderful sentiment for you to acknowledge her at your wedding. Your flower idea is perfect. Your Dads wife needs to back off and let you do what you want at your wedding. The rest of the family can just mind their own business. She sounds like trouble to me!!!
NTA, it’s a fu-cking-chair, she can sit in a different one! The emotional immaturity of this grown ass woman getting upset about you wanting a tiny way to honor your mom is such a huge red flag. The rest of your family needs to chill and mind their own business.
👏DISINVITE👏HER👏MANIPULATIVE👏ASS👏
Overuse of quotes with usual tropes, evil step mom, wedding, half the family sides with her.
Could this be anymore fake/regurgitated ?
The conversation needs to be with your father. Tell him there is no being caught in the middle. You’re his son. You’re getting married. He’s your father. His wife is not your family. Dad needs to be clear to his wife he will support his son on his wedding day on how his son is honoring his late mother. She needs to stay in her lane and mind her own business. She also won’t get the mother-son dance. As for you, you have nothing to apologize for, nor ant reason to change.
NTA you have a mom. Even though she is no longer among us doesn’t change that. I like your idea of saving a seat for her and honoring her memory. Don’t let your stepmom bully you. She can sit where you put her or she can just not come.
NTA…. but I might suggest you still have a seat for your stepmother next to your dad? My niece’s husband did this with their wedding a year ago for his dad and stepdad. They also had a framed picture and had it on the chair saying, “If heaven wasn’t so far away, we know you’d be with us today. “… they’re obviously religious, but I’m sure you could just put a picture still if you’re not. Put your stepmother on one side of your dad and mom’s seat on the other side. Then that helps keep her from doing anything stupid, too.
I wouldn’t have her at the wedding at all.
Your father is the only one trying to avoid drama. He’s not outright saying he agrees with his wife, but he wants you to concede because he thinks it will be easier to make you bend. NTA.
NTA. I’d just tell Dad maybe it’d be best if he doesn’t come or comes alone to avoid drama. Don’t back down double down.
Your wedding your choice xxx
YTA for posting fake, AI slop designed to farm Karma on a brand-new account.
Sir you have the patience of a saint because I might have gone feral. NTAh that’s not her spot, she is not your mom.
NTA. This happened to me. My mom passed in 2013 and dad remarried before my wedding in 2015. My dad inadvertently encouraged this and mary was very entitled to be seen in that role. Day of my wedding, she tried to go over my head to change how she was introduced and everything. Imagine putting on my wedding dress and getting this told to me.
Surprise surprise they divorced and my current stepmother is awesome and respectful of my mom’s memory.
I would encourage you to have a side conversation with the DJ and others to stop this from happening.
Bad thing is this happened to a friend of mine. Her dad’s side of family said just let step mom sit there. Mom’s side and her siblings said do what you want.
Usually, I think telling someone to control their wife is not the move, but you need to call your dad.
Explain very clearly that she needs to cut this shit out, or she will be uninvited. And he needs to support you, or he will be too.
If she gets it together, make sure it’s someone job to make sure she sits in the right spot. I wouldn’t be shocked if she tried to remove the floral arrangement and sit there anyway. Also put someone on white dress duty, this one seems like the type.
>She got super offended and started saying I’m disrespecting her, that she’s been “like a mother” to me (she hasn’t) and that people will think it’s rude if she’s not up front next to my dad.
If you put an empty seat for your mother next to your dad, and intend to sit him next to it whilst his current partner has to sit off to the side somewhere, then yes you’re being a big asshole.
You could choose an infinite number of less humiliating ways to play this out – you could have a giant picture of your mum up there on stage with you whilst your dad and the woman who is his current wife sit together like every other couple in the place.
That you’ve chosen a way of “honouring” your mother that creates such a massive conflict when there are an infinity of other very obviously more thoughtful ways to do it that don’t sideline anyone makes you an asshole, and the fact you think that polluting your own wedding with such this kind of toxicity is a good idea says worrying things about where your head is at.
Your dad and his partner deserve to sit together. Your mother deserves to be honoured, not used as a way to humiliate and browbeat your stepmother.
Why isn’t your dad telling his wife to pack it in “to avoid drama”?
NTA
She married your Dad when you were 24. She’s not your step mother. She’s your dad’s wife. There is a difference.
NTA – showing up when you’re 24, does not a mother make. She’s your father’s wife. That’s it. I’m sorry, but when she comes into the picture after you’re an adult, that doesn’t translate into some relationship with you where you needed her guidance or anything a parent actually does. She has no right to claim credit for being your mom or anything. She did NOTHING to raise you. She wasn’t there! And the fact that half your family doesn’t get that is THEIR problem. If it’s THAT big of a problem for them, then they don’t have to come. But, it’s YOUR wedding, and when you want opinions, you’ll ask for them. Until then, everyone needs to STFU.
NTA
I’d just tell her and anyone else that it doesnt matter if they like it or not.
Its your wedding and you’ll be doing what you want and if they dont like it they dont hsve to attend.
Holy fuck NTA. She seems like the type who would wear eggshell to the wedding and argue it’s not a faux pas. Sheesh. Stand on business 10 toes down- otherwise this will just be the beginning
NTA – Your wedding, your rules. If your stepmom loved and respected you, she would allow you to honour your mother any way you wish. This woman sounds selfish and arrogant.
As the Zombies sang, “Tell her No no no, no no nono no, it hurts me so but that chair belongs to her.”
Good luck.