I work in an office fulfilling a finance adjacent role. As a person I’m quite awkward and shy, and have anxiety. I don’t meant to avoid people, but I tend to just stick my work duties and have my headphones in most of the time.
By doing this do I come off as an asshole to my colleagues? There’s around 8 people in the office where I work, and I say maybe 2-3 things per day.
Am I an asshole for refusing to partake in small talk?
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I work in an office fulfilling a finance adjacent role. As a person I’m quite awkward and shy, and have anxiety. I don’t meant to avoid people, but I tend to just stick my work duties and have my headphones in most of the time.
By doing this do I come off as an asshole to my colleagues? There’s around 8 people in the office where I work, and I say maybe 2-3 things per day.
Am I an asshole for refusing to partake in small talk?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refuse to partake in small talk at the office. This might make me seem distant and not like a team player, but my personality is quite different to the people I work with.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Honestly, small talk is for weaklings. If your coworkers can’t handle a professional environment without chit-chat, that’s their problem, not yours. People who expect conversation at work are just wasting time. Keep your headphones in, ignore everyone, and let them deal with their feelings. Social skills are overrated anyway.
NTA. You’re there to work not make friend.
‘Refusing’ is a pretty strong word, so because you said it as such, then yeah, YTA.
If you don’t want to talk to people, don’t work in a place where you have co-workers who work together.
Engaging with people is part of work, humans are social beings, of course you can just put your head down and not talk to people, but then they will say ‘don’t bother talking to that AH in the finance adjacent role, he refuses to talk to anyone’.
I get awkward/shy/anxiety/introvert people, I really do. But why not take the opprtunity to become less awkward and less anxious (shy and introvert is stuff that is just ‘who you are’ but the others are presumably unwelcome feelings), by engaging a little and working on yourself, growing as a person?
Plus, you’ll find it WAY easier to get things done at work when you have a solid working relstionship with your co-workers. Leadership competencies include the ability to relate to, manage, collaborate with, and motivate others so I don’t think you’ll be looking in any growth/development paths with your refusal to engage.
Maybe not an asshole but it is a little rude
YTA Yes. Part of working in a team is to create an environment where people feel comfortable approaching you to ask questions and collaborate. It’s ok to signal that you are having “quiet time” by putting on your headphones. However it’s not ok to act as if your colleagues should think twice about approaching you.
The good news is that the more small talk you make the easier it becomes to make small talk and the more you get to know your colleagues. The more that you get to know your colleagues, the more comfortable you will feel being in the office.
INFO: Do they talk to you and you just ignore them? Or did they, if they’re given up by now.
NTA, but they will see you as an asshole, or rude or antisocial.
I guess it depends on how you respond to their attempts. That response will determine how asshole-ish you are.
I was stuck riding in a truck with one of the most abhorrent individuals I’ve ever met. He thought that was time for him to talk and talk. He didn’t even care what he was saying. This went on for two separate shifts. On the third day, I expressed that there’s no way I can say this and not sound like an asshole. I asked him if anyone told him he talked too much. He didn’t say anything, so I proceeded to tell him how this is an early shift, and I don’t want to hear him all day. If he wanted a genuine conversation, that’s different. He thought of me as an asshole and told people as such. I was more than fine with it because then that meant my peace wasn’t being interrupted.
Are you “refusing to partake” or “shy not partaking”? The two are not the same. And how you come accross really depends on how you act when you do have that little interaction you have.
I mean, that depends. Need more information.
Do you actively, blatantly ignore their attempts? If so, then yes YTA.
If they don’t bother conversing with you and you kinda just do your own thing, then NTA.
I can relate to you on this. To be honest, it is very likely you’ll come off that way especially if it is your first impression. You’re technically NTA but people may perceive you that way. The good news is you can perhaps turn a new leaf and talk to people if you really are sick of it.
NAH. You aren’t an asshole for not making small talk, but you are limiting yourself greatly. Part of being in a workplace is learning to get along with and work kindly with others, and that includes being pleasant and making some small talk. If you don’t, you risk being seen as not a team player and people will be less willing to help you out when you inevitably mess up and need some help. It also means you likely won’t ever be promoted, as having good people skills is often necessary in higher positions rather than just technical knowledge and skill.
NTA in the slightest – I hate small talk as well – as far as I am concerned, as long as my employer is happy with the work I’m doing then all is good with the world & to hell with what others think of me.
They will think YA. It may feel a bit strong but an office is a lot like high school – you need to engage with folks (even when you don’t feel like it).
If you walk around with headphones not talking to folks – they’ll assume a lot of bad things about you.
Just smile and nod your head with an occasional ”Hi” and you might be surprised what a difference it makes.
NTA, I’m awkward and very shy too until people really get to know me or make me feel comfortable enough to be myself. I’m actually very talkative but it takes me a while to get there with new people. But I work on a team that requires me to engage with my coworkers and other departments and I get anxiety and in my head about how my shyness and awkwardness comes across and that I look weird or come off rude to others so I try to push myself outside my comfort zone every now and then to try and make small talk. A few weeks ago I saw our company CEO and went up to her and mentioned we had a mutual friend in common to try and make small talk with her and build a small but positive connection with her…she clearly didn’t care lol, but at least I tried!
NTA, but it won’t help your career. You may not want to hear this, but those co-worker relationships can be key to your future growth.
Info: when you say refusing to partake in small talk what do you mean? People come up and talk to you and you ignore them/blow them off? Or you just focus on your work and don’t initiate personal conversations?
You are a bit in my opinion. You definitely don’t need to be social all day every day. Office live can be draining. Yet, literally refusing to talk to your colleagues and putting your headphones in most of the time, makes being together in an office really awkward for everybody. If this is related to officially diagnosed issues with your mental health I would ask for accommodations like working from home or a private office.
NTA, but in the long run, having consistent, good social interactions with your colleagues makes your job easier and better. The more you do it the easier it gets. TBH 2-3 a day strikes me as “enough” so I wouldn’t worry about it.
NAH. You are rude, and thei will fairly think so. But you aren’t going your way to mess with anyone, an as you are just guarding your distasnce, you dont deserve the title of asshole
YTA, shy/anxiety/awkward/just an introvert/ whatever you call it. Sitting always with your headphones in sends a very clear signal: you dont want to be approached or talked to. It doesnt matter what kind of excuse you have or what is behind it, it comes across as assholish.
You’re part of a team: you dont need to chime in for every conversation but people need to feel as if they can adress you freely.
Yes
NTA – get your work done.
Having said that, such behavior can limit your career. If your results are extraordinary, that will overcome some of the relationships, but the fact is – most people have comparable, average skills (myself included). The social aspect and ability to relate & communicate is how people climb.
So I would make an effort to find at least a few people to connect with on occasion – particularly your boss. I had someone who sounds similar to you on my team. They did good work, but were painfully introverted. That individual has been on my team for 10+ years, and I have “taken care of them” financially and career-wise.
In short – you need to have someone who watches out for you at work.