Hi guys, 15 F, so yesterday my mom made a comment about how I should take 6 inches off my hair and the rest of the family agrees with her. For context, my hair is about 32 inches long, I have been growing it out since 2023 (with a short break for a while in 2024). My hair is dark down in colour, thin and straight (1A or 1B). I have never had any issues like dandruff, damage or hair fall. I take care of the occasional split ends by using hair dusting. I take good care of my hair, by washing it twice a week, using hair mask once a week, using hair serum every day and using rosemary water as a scalp tonic. I never use heat styling. It’s not like I hog the shower while washing my hair, it takes max 20-25 mins and it is not interfering with my daily life. I see no reason to get it cut but I can’t stop thinking about what my mom said. WBITA if I straight up told her no the next time she brings it up?
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Hi guys, 15 F, so yesterday my mom made a comment about how I should take 6 inches off my hair and the rest of the family agrees with her. For context, my hair is about 32 inches long, I have been growing it out since 2023 (with a short break for a while in 2024). My hair is dark down in colour, thin and straight (1A or 1B). I have never had any issues like dandruff, damage or hair fall. I take care of the occasional split ends by using hair dusting. I take good care of my hair, by washing it twice a week, using hair mask once a week, using hair serum every day and using rosemary water as a scalp tonic. I never use heat styling. It’s not like I hog the shower while washing my hair, it takes max 20-25 mins and it is not interfering with my daily life. I see no reason to get it cut but I can’t stop thinking about what my mom said. WBITA if I straight up told her no the next time she brings it up?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action I am thinking of taking is refusing
2. The action might make me the AH because my family would definitely feel that I am disrespecting my mom by refusing
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, it’s your hair and it sounds like you’re taking great care of it.
Your hair, your call – NTA
It is, and I cannot stress this enough, your hair. My hair was to my chest while my sister had a buzz cut and those were the right choices for each of us because that was how we wanted OUR HAIR.
Hair doesn’t have a platonic ideal. There’s no right or wrong way for it to be. It’s an evolutionary holdover that does basically nothing. It ONLY benefits you in the ways that it makes you happy. If having it long makes you happy that is how it should be.
NTA. If you like your hair and there are no issues with you having long hair, then you are welcome to vocalize that (without being rude of course). If your mom is concerned about it, you could explore styles that would make your long hair appear shorter.
It would help if your mother’s reasons were known.
nope, NTA
but at 32 inches, you probably wouldn’t miss a few inches (it doesn’t have to be 6) and usually hair is healthier overall if it gets the dead or damaged ends off every once in a while. It can also stimulate growth (I don’t understand how)
I usually just ask the stylist to “trim for health and just take off the damaged stuff”.
But your body, your choice, especially at 15. You’re not a little girl who needs to have decisions made for them.
Is she just worried about you getting it trimmed? It sounds like you do take great care of your hair, but usually if you’re growing it out you’re still supposed to get it regularly trimmed to keep the ends even and healthy.
Definitely NTA. Your head, your choice.
Super long hair is SO fun! Enjoy it while you’re young and have no issues with it.
NTA
Its your hair. She, and other family members can make suggestions for whatever reason they like such as they think a few inches off would be more flattering on you, but in the end, at your age, it’s your decision, not theirs.
NTA
INFO: What reasons do they give for suggesting that you get a trim?
Of course NTA, it’s your head.
But I am curious why she thinks you should cut it?
NTA
Your hair, your call.
However, I will just say that over 30 inches of hair is a LOT of hair. You may not be aware of it’s weight and the strain it is putting on your neck. Your body is very much still forming and things you do now can and will affect how your body functions and feels later in life.
For example, I have issues with my spine that initially started from carrying a very heavy backpack to and from school every day. With walking to the bus and all the standing in line that happens to get on the bus after school, I probably carried that backpack for 90+ minutes every day. I first started getting back pain in early high school and it’s been a problem ever since. My spine literally grew wrong because of it.
All that to say, you may not be aware of the strain being put on your neck because your hair has grown slowly and it’s been years since you only had 12 inches of hair so you don’t remember what it feels like to not have that weight.
You do you, though!
Na say your doing a challenge until man utd win five games in a row, seems to be working well for others
NTA. This is an important lesson on body autonomy: only you can make decisions about your hair. Keep it long, or dye it, or buzz it all off, it’s all up to you and you alone.
NTA, do what you want. At the same time if you’ve only been dusting with hair that long it for sure looks thin at the end and could do with a cut, maybe your mum just doesn’t want to tell you it looks bad
NTA it’s your hair, why does she or anyone else in your family care?
Listen, it’s your hair and your choice. You’re taking care of it well – that’s what matters. If you don’t see a valid reason for cutting it, stand your ground without being disrespectful. Communication is about what makes you happy. Don’t let others dictate your personal style. key; explain how you feel to your mom calmly. They may not understand, but this is
Your body, your choice. NTA.
You’re 15. Do whatever you want with your hair. One day you’ll be old and brittle and rushed you had kept it.
If the overlords don’t relax, find a picture of a goth chick with black lipstick, a nose piercing, and short spikes for hair and tell them this was what you were thinking about. They’ll shut up pretty quickly.
NAH.
It’s your hair and you are old enough to decide for yourself. Your family is allowed to have (and share) their opinions, but they are just opinions. Instead of “straight up telling her no” you can be more polite about it, and say “I’ve thought about it and I’d rather keep it long. Why exactly do you think it needs to be shorter?” She may think then ends have become uneven, or something like that. Most likely, it’s not that important to her.
If you wanted some crazy hairstyle, your mom can say “I’m not paying for that.” But NOT cutting your hair is obviously free, so the cost of the style is not at issue.
Certainly if the issue was the shower schedule, then you should be accommodating of others if you take that long to wash your hair.
NTA. It’s your hair, and you should be able to do whatever you want with it. However, in my honest opinion, women look best with hair that is chin length to just below the shoulders. Longer than that, and it starts to pull their face down and make them look sad/negative somehow.
My daughter has really long hair and doesn’t like getting a trim but despite her care the ends are awful. It looks so much better with a 6monthly trim. Her ends are whispy and thin compared to the rest of it. She has fine hair – but a very thick head of it until towards the ends
How you wear your hair is a matter for you.
NTA
NTA, your body – not hers. My mother was like this: hair not the right length, hair color should be lighter, not allowing gray, find a way to prevent aging, looking like I gained weight, too skinny, I should dress like an 18-21 yr vs what make me confrontablr etcetera. Exhausting!
I always put my foot down until I simply cut her continue toxic self out of mine and my children’s life. You need to remind your mother to not be concerned about your body as its unhealthy behavior on her part.
INFO: Why does she want you to cut your hair? Did she not give any reason?
In my experience, relatives, especially parents and grandparents, are never happy with the way we do our hair.
If it’s long – it’s too long! You need a haircut!
If it’s short – it’s too short! You need to grow it a bit longer!
You won’t BTA if you choose to leave it as it is, and you won’t BTA if you have it cut. As long as it’s your own choice, you’re NTA.
NAH
It really depends on your goals and how much you trust the opinion of your mother for what looks best on you.
Let’s assume you want hair that is healthy and makes you look as attractive as possible.
Could your mother have a point that 6″ shorter would look better on you? You would still have long hair if you trimmed it.
Also, could she and others see damage like split ends that you cannot?
This may be a good time to go to a professional hair dresser and get an unbiased opinion.
If you want to grow your hair as long as possible, then tell the others that is your goal. Do make sure you get trimmed periodically to keep it looking good.
NTA, but how did you take a break from growing your hair out in 2024?
At my age, I wish so badly that I still had my hair long. I can’t even grow it long anymore. Do with your hair whatever makes you happy. Who cares what others want. It’s your hair, not theirs & they should have no say.
NTA. I had an ex who had longish hair, think shaggy emo skater boy, and his family was always on his back about cutting it.
As long as you’re maintaining hygiene etc, it’s your hair and you get to choose how to style it. You need to feel happy and confident in your own skin.
I don’t understand the reasoning behind her wanting you to cut it?
For years i wore hair down to my knees, it honestly wasn’t any more difficult to maintain?
NTA. You should be able to decide how long your hair is as long as it’s well kept like you’ve been doing.
NTA. Tell her that it’s SHE who has a problem with it. You do not let anyone force you to do things with your own personal self.
NTA Your hair sounds amazing. But I’d give it a trim, for your hair’s sake, not for other people. It’s your hair, you’re 15, your decision.
Provided that you aren’t doing those 20-25 minute showers during your family’s “morning rush,” NTA. 20-25 minutes is a long freaking time when there’s a line for the shower and you have a standard size water heater. However, it’s perfectly reasonable 1-2 times a week to take a shower that long outside of high demand times.
I think your family is being controlling, so I’m not saying cut off 6 inches. But do consider whether it’s time for a proper trim. I know my hair gets scraggly after awhile: some parts grow faster than others or don’t fall out as quickly, and it needs a good evening out to look healthy again. Given that you took a break in 2024, you may have done this recently enough that you don’t need a trim. But it’s worth considering.
However, overall, this is your hair and should be your decision.
I havent told my son what to do with his hair since he was old enough to take care of it on his own- so maybe 6 years old. He’s almost 15 now and I cant even imagine telling him to cut or grow his hair. NTA it’s your hair.
WHOS HAIR IS IT AGAIN?
NTA
Your hair, you can do what you want.
Keep in mind though that long straight thin hair might not be a flattering hair style on you. And even with the care you describe, lots of times you need to cut off a few inches to keep it healthy looking
NTA
Your familys opinion on your hair does not matter at all. It’s your hair, you choose.
NTA I let my kids make decisions about their own hair unless they have difficulty taking care of it. I’ve enforced trims if they refused to wash/brush and had a lot of matting.
It’s your hair not hers. She doesn’t get a say. NTA
NTA
That’s cool that the whole family agrees with her – they can get their hair cut. If it’s attached to your head, you say when it gets cut, not them.
Be careful of her just doing an “oopsie” with scissors at some point though. It happens.
NAH – yet.
They’re allowed to offer opinions, and you’re allowed to make your own decision on this one.
Having said that, it might be a good idea to simply ask, “I hadn’t really thought about it – why do you think I should?” If they have legitimate concerns, you can consider them. If they don’t, you can say “well, I don’t see any good reason to trim my hair right now”…but they can’t say you didn’t listen, know what I mean?
NTA. It’s your hair. Tell her to spend as much time taking care of her own hair the way you do or as much time as she nags you about cutting yours. It’s actually disrespectful that anyone else (yes even family) thinks they have say over your body.
It’s your hair. And you don’t need to defend, explain, rationalize, or justify anything to anyone else regarding your choices.
Your body, your choice. You decide what you want to do with your hair; nobody else.
I shaved my head many years ago (I’m male) – my hairline was receding – it was my choice. Now I have a long beard, which my girlfriend loves – but I do too. She has long hair, but if she decided to cut it, I would never complain about it – it’s her choice. You have your choice, don’t give it up for anyone.
If, in the future, you do decide to get a significant amount of your hair cut off, you might want to consider donating it to the charity “Locks of Love” which uses real hair to make wigs for people going through cancer treatment. But only if you want to get it cut. Take care of yourself, and your hair.