I 34F live outside Denver with my partner 35M. Weve been together for aroundd 10 years and early on we decided not to have children. I love my nieces and nephews but I’m happy being the fun aunt and want to focus on my career amongst other passions.
Anyway my sister 37F has three kids under 10 and often leans on me for help. I dont mind watching them occasionally but lately it’s become constant. Last month she called me five times in one week to cover afterschool pickup because she and her husband had work conflicts. When I told her I couldnt always drop everything she snapped.. she said “You don’t have kids, you don’t understand how hard this is. You’re selfish with your time”
That stung. I’ve supported her for years, from buying things when money was tight to rearranging my schedule to babysit during emergencies, like Ive done loadss. It feels to me that she thinks because I dont have kids.. my time is less valuable.
Last weekend she asked me to watch the kids overnight so she and her husband could attend a wedding. I told her no explaining that I felt taken for granted and needed boundaries. She blew up, calling me heartless and accusing me of “punishing her for being a mom.” My parents sided with her.. I couldnt understand why the kids couldnt go to theirs!! They said I owe it to support hers.
Dont get me wrong I adore my sisters kids but I feel like I’m being used – as this is happening way too often. Saying no once in a while doesn’t make me cruel. Still I know parenting is tough.. Shes a great mom but I’m unsure if maybe I should’ve agreed just this one time or if I did the right thing setting a boundary..
So Reddit AITA for refusing to babysit after being called selfish?
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I 34F live outside Denver with my partner 35M. Weve been together for aroundd 10 years and early on we decided not to have children. I love my nieces and nephews but I’m happy being the fun aunt and want to focus on my career amongst other passions.
Anyway my sister 37F has three kids under 10 and often leans on me for help. I dont mind watching them occasionally but lately it’s become constant. Last month she called me five times in one week to cover afterschool pickup because she and her husband had work conflicts. When I told her I couldnt always drop everything she snapped.. she said “You don’t have kids, you don’t understand how hard this is. You’re selfish with your time”
That stung. I’ve supported her for years, from buying things when money was tight to rearranging my schedule to babysit during emergencies, like Ive done loadss. It feels to me that she thinks because I dont have kids.. my time is less valuable.
Last weekend she asked me to watch the kids overnight so she and her husband could attend a wedding. I told her no explaining that I felt taken for granted and needed boundaries. She blew up, calling me heartless and accusing me of “punishing her for being a mom.” My parents sided with her.. I couldnt understand why the kids couldnt go to theirs!! They said I owe it to support hers.
Dont get me wrong I adore my sisters kids but I feel like I’m being used – as this is happening way too often. Saying no once in a while doesn’t make me cruel. Still I know parenting is tough.. Shes a great mom but I’m unsure if maybe I should’ve agreed just this one time or if I did the right thing setting a boundary..
So Reddit AITA for refusing to babysit after being called selfish?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Saying no to my sister
I didnt look after her kids after her strenuously asking me to – I want to know where to draw the line!
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You are being used, and they’re telling you very clearly that they intend to keep using you. You might think about working with a therapist to brainstorm some useful ways to start setting limits. When you do start setting reasonable limits your sister and parents will all have extinction bursts, so you need to be prepared. NTA
NTA
Anyone who calls someone selfish because that person chose not to have children is a Knight Grand Cross of the Holey Order of Trou d’Ane. They’re angry with you because they regret their choice, and you avoided their choice.
NTA. If the relationship was good before, I’d invite you to see this more as a cry for help than anything. She wasn’t really saying your selfish for not having kids, shes sayings you don’t have kids so you may be unable to appreciate the shitstorm she’s in. Not your obligation to, but I think thats moreso what this is.
NTA
Kind of sounds like your sister has some regrets about her decision to have kids and is projecting on you.
Helping with the kids is great, but you don’t owe her your time and energy on demand.
NTA in any way. You are not her nanny and no doubt she doesn’t pay for anything even if you take the kids to eat or something. To expect that you will just be available whenever is ridiculous, and your parents are stunningly AHs for siding with her. She chose to have kids, it’s her and her husband’s responsibility to take care of them. The fact you will say yes sometimes is great, but that doesn’t obligate you to all the time! (I’m sensitive to this because I’m also childless by choice and it astonishes me that people can think that means my time is less valuable than theirs because they spawned!)
You’re not punishing her for being a mom – you are setting boundaries about your time.
NTA,
She’s the one who birthed 3 more people to take care of, it’s on her and her husband to figure it out. Don’t let her put any guilt on you.
NTA. When you let people take advantage of you….they will. Time to take a no contact month or two and focus on YOUR relationship with your partner. Remind your sis and parents that he on the other hand has no duty to them.
For sure NTA, but think this is a really common perspective from people who choose to have kids.
Life is a lark for you child-free folks, so be nice and help out on demand. Forgetting that they chose their path and you chose yours. I feel for you!
NTA. You hit the nail on the head when you said she thinks your time is less valuable bc you don’t have kids. Don’t be surprised when you hear the kids saying their mother told them you don’t love them and don’t want to spend time with them.
Stick to your boundaries.
Just to clarify – She didn’t call you selfish for not having children. She said you didn’t understand how difficult having kids is & that you’re selfish with your time.
It’s wasn’t appropriate for her to get pissed off at you for what you said. It wasn’t appropriate for her to say what she said.
But if you’re available to look after your nieces / nephews, so that your sister & husband can go to a wedding – but refuse to do so out of spite for what she said, then ya you’re the asshole.
Y’all are both adults, have a conversation and resolve things. Doing this to punish her or prove a point in childish.
So ya, you look like the asshole in this scenario.
NTA. She already thinks you’re “selfish.” What do you have to lose? She’s not entitled to your time. If your parents want to parent their grandkids, then they can do that. You’re under no obligation to parent your nieces and nephews.
NTA…a classic blank around and find out moment.
NTA, tell her to pay for a professsional babysitter.
You’re not “punishing her for being a mother.”
Rather – you’re finally not allowing HER to punish YOU for not being a mother.
She made a decision to have children, and 3 (!) of them. One might think that having kids = having to take care of them, but it seems that not all parents are aware of this concept. Don’t let anyone manipulate you and overstep into your own free time.
Nta those are her children that she chose to have. You are doing the part that you are willing to do and you are being taken for granted in all of this it seems. It’s very icky parent culture to EXPECT because you pop a baby out others have to rearrange their lives, you are actively being a village for your sister and it still isn’t good enough.
NTA. Your sister is selfish and she has been taking you for granted. Your parents can watch the kids if it’s so easy and they feel your sister deserves as much free childcare as she wants.
TELL your sister that she’s on a babysitting timeout until she makes a SINCERE apology– and that if she ever gets her “flying monkeys” involved again that will become a permanent time out.
NTA you don’t owe her ANYTHING. She knew about this wedding and didn’t get a sitter because she PLANNED in dumping them on you. No kore help, she a user. Let grandma and grandpa help out.
No one’s an asshole for refusing to continue to be the family doormat. NTA
Well for one, you’ve already gone above and beyond with helping out. You don’t owe her shit especially when she’s not appreciative and instead acts entitled.
For two, WTF with your parents. Sounds like they don’t want to help but are perfectly fine with volunteering you to do it and trying to guilt you into it. Not good grandparenting at all.
Definitely NTA.
OP, you are not “selfish”, but rather responsible. Folks that can’t manage their children’s lives without constant assistance should not be having child after child
NTA – you are not a co-parent, you are an aunt with a life of your own. You were not involved in their decision making to have 3 children in close proximity. And there are two parents. If they can’t afford a baby-sitter, then one can go and the other stay. A wedding is not a necessity. You aren’t punishing her for being a Mum. You aren’t punishing her at all – her life choices shouldn’t be impacting on you at all. The fact they are means they are punishing you for not making the same lifechoices.
NTA. Your sister is pulling a classic guilt trip on you. You don’t owe her your time, energy or resources. You don’t owe her child care. Especially after she insulted you. Tell you parents that you are so glad to hear that they will be providing her with free, on demand, child care but that you are no longer going to be your sister’s door mat. You feel like you were being used because you were in fact being used.
all of my sisters have children, and they know better! I don’t live near them anymore but I always made it clear it wasn’t my thing. I love them dearly, but no. you chose not to have kids for a reason. it is not your responsibility at all! you have to get to a point where you don’t let her bother you or guilt you into it . just bc we don’t have kids doesn’t mean we don’t have our own lives or things to take care of! I hate when people use that excuse that bc we don’t have kids we can do xyz. no..you had the kids, not me!!! lol
It sounds like your sister asked you week of to watch her kids overnight. I’m assuming your sister has known about this wedding and just assumed for months that you’d watch the kids with no communication to you at all. That’s why you’re NTA because that’s very frustrating
NTA, you are being used and let me ask you why your parents don’t offer to babysit more often instead. Stick to your boundaries and don’t let them manipulate you
NTA your sister is selfish for having so many biological children she can’t even take care of especially when there’s so many children in foster care that need homes.
NTA. My husband and I have a niece and nephew we love. We’ve babysat them in emergencies or when they both had to be out of town at the same time. It’s a rare ask. They also ask us long in advance for non emergency babysits. They don’t take advantage or assume we’re on call just because we don’t have kids. My husband and I work, we also foster animals and volunteer. So we do have busy schedules without children. They understand that. They would never disrespect us or our time. Your sister chose to have kids and she needs to realize they are her priority not everyone else’s.
If I were called selfish in your situation, I would pull back and wait for an apology. If your sister can’t be civil and understand you have your own life and responsibilities, and she has her’s, low contact may be appropriate.
Would your sister treat a non-relative friend the way she treated you? Being “family” doesn’t give the abuser a pass for showing basic respect for another adult. NTA
If your parents side with her they can take over for you because why would she want to leave her kids in the hands of someone “selfish”? NTA. Your sister will take advantage of you as long as you let her. When you protested, she thought calling you selfish would make you get bank in line. Your parents want you to let her run all over you so you can keep the peace. Let them keep the peace and distance yourself for a while.
I mean no one held a gun to her head and made her have children. She sounds entitled to your services whenever she feels like it
It feels like we see so many posts with this exact same content day after day.
Why on earth are your parents chiming in? You are both in your 30’s. Taking sides in adult children conflicts is inappropriate. This pisses me off. Anyway, NTA. Your sister needs to plan better.
You don’t have to answer the phone when she calls or texts. Just say Oops sorry didn’t get your message in time. Hope things are okay!
Do this enough and she’ll hopefully get the hint.
NTA.
Your sister is the one being inconsiderate, by assuming you will always babysit. I mean, what is the point of asking if she’s going to blow up and call you names if you say no?
I also agree that your parents don’t get to comment unless they are volunteering at least as much babysitting time as you do. More, if one or both of them have flexible schedules.
You were absolutely right to push back. They can miss the wedding or she can have your parents watch them, or <gasp> actually pay a babysitter.
Hopefully this forces your sister to reflect and possibly take a different tone. If you agree to babysit in future, it would be good for you both to AGREE on a number of hours per month and expected request time, etc. You’re not getting paid, but something like “short notice = double hours” can help.
NTA – You don’t have children, your sister does. She is responsible for those kids, not you. After all, if you wanted to spend your time looking after young kids, you would have your own.
Your sister is really selfish and entitled. She decided to have three kids, she has to look after them. Did she consult you before having them? If not, she can’t count on you to do her work. If she has schedule problems, she can either solve them or hire a nanny. You can help now and then, in an emergency, but she seems to expect you to be a third parent. She’s ridiculous. Nobody owes her a thing – having given birth doesn’t make her (or her kids) the center of the universe.
And the examples you give show she is simply assuming you will drop everything and look after her children, while she does nothing. I mean… work conflicts five times in a week? Come on, she knows what time school finishes. If she has “work conflicts” so often, she needs a nanny/babysitter. A wedding? She was invited, not summoned. Attending was not compulsory. And again, a nanny/babysitter would have solved her problem… but she seems to be cheap, on top of entitled.
As for your parents, I’m sure they just don’t want to babysit themselves, that’s why they are pushing you to.
What she said to you was selfish and disrespectful. She had no right to imply that your time was less valuable than hers or that you were selfish with your time if you did not devote an unlimited amount of it to taking care of her children. She owes you an apology.
NTA. It’s obvious she feels entitled to your time. Her reaction is to loss of entitlement. Your parents are out of line for not supporting you. I’m sorry. That sucks.
NTA anyone who has something to say are more than welcome to volunteer their own time to babysit her kids. You are allowed to be selfish with YOUR time and money. You did t have children for a reason not to be a free child minder for family.
NTA. Healthy boundary. She isn’t nice to you so why should you babysit. Your parents, who apparently made it their business can help out your sister.
People without kids who don’t want to babysit are not selfish. They have other interests.
Your sister can stay home and watch her own kids as that’s what happens when you have kids. They aren’t welcome everywhere. Sorry mom and dad. Stay home with your kids and pass on the fun wedding. Maybe in 18 years mom and dad can have their fun. Shouldn’t have started shit with the babysitter and called her names.
People without children are not less than those with kids. Society pushes the narrative about being selfish if you choose to do something else with your life.
NTA. You have done nothing wrong.
It sounds like you and your sister are just long overdue for a level setting conversation. You need to set boundaries with your sister and she needs to respect your boundaries.
It will be challenging but you can get through this and your relationship with your sister will be better for it. Good luck!
NTA
Honestly, your sister has gone from expecting your help to demanding it. She has decided that she owns your time. It’s a very dangerous mindset but it can happen without thinking.
Hopefully your sister is just reasonable to understand that she has gone from asking to expecting/ demanding your time. Her choice to have kids was completely decided by her and her husband. Since you were not consulted nor did you have a say. Then the only people responsible for the children’s care is your sister and her husband.
At the end of the day you are happy to see your nieces nephews and spend time with them. However your sister’s lack of planning (school pickup, a wedding, work functions, etc) is not your emergency. If there is a true emergency (FIL or husband in the hospital for example) I am sure you would come watch the children for such an unexpected situation.
You should sit down with your sister and her husband and explain to them what you are willing to do because apparently this needs to be spelled out for both of them. Let them know what notice you expect (a week, 3 days before request) for an ask. Also explain your lack of children does not mean you don’t have a life and your time is also valuable. Also, “no.” Is a complete sentence. If they feel they are unable to respect you and your time then take a step back from watching the kids until they can show you a true apology.
It’s sad but very human to take for granted the people who help us out so consistently.
Fake.
Lol, no.
Shes jealous of your freedom. Her choice to have them so shes responsible to watch them. No one held a gun to her head like.
If shes saying its your responsibility to help out, thats just bogus. By that logic if its a group responsibility then why was the group aka YOU not involved in the decision to bring them into the world.
Youre bit the 3rd parent and she doesnt get to designate you as such.
FUCK. HER.
NTA. Your sister is taking the mickey here. Next time your parents say something, tell them to step up. Their children are all adults so they’re free. Tell them that they owe it to their kids to babysit their grandchildren.
As for your sister, hold firm on your boundaries and make it clear that they are her responsibility, not yours. And that she isn’t getting any more support from you until she apologises.
NTA. You aren’t punishing her for being a mom. You’re punishing her for treating you as a given and taking your time as granted. As her due. She fully believes that nothing you do is as remotely important as the fact that she spit out some kids and now everyone has to listen to her whine about how stressful and exhausting her life is and how much y’all need to village up because she needs a spa day and also a date night so she can get pregnant AGAIN and have more absolute right to your time, money, and energy.
Pretty soon, she’ll be pushing for funding for college tuitions, weddings, and first home down-payments. She will expect you to do everything for her at the drop of a hat because she’s more important than you. She’s delusional. But only you get to decide whether or not to put up with this crap.
I’ve seen so many posts about this issue lately!
It doesn’t matter if:
NOBODY IS ENTITLED TO YOUR TIME!!
Most people who have kids are entitled, selfish and believe that the world and everyone in it should bend to their will. Not you, nor anyone else on this planet will ever change that. That’s how society raised them, these are the norms they live by!
Your life, your time, your peace and quiet are YOURS and yours only.
You have to make a decision on what is important to you. Do you want to keep the peace and give in because she’s family? If so, remember that this will equal to more time with your nieces and nephews and less time for you and your partner.
Sometimes cutting someone off or going low contact is healthy. You can still be present in your nieces and nephews lives but on your terms.
If you give in, you will be always exposed to step up. If you don’t give in, the chances are she will poison her kids mi ds and say that you don’t love them anymore. Because that’s what entitled people do.
NTA
You don’t owe anyone babysitting, especially not free babysitting.
NTA. You’re right, why can’t the kids go to your parents? Considering the amount you’ve done for her, her comment was rude and unfounded. I would note your timing with it being a wedding probably wasn’t the greatest, but personally I’d expect a decent amount of warning (more than a week) if a plan can’t be moved as you will likely need to rearrange plans too.
NTA. “I supported you and the kids for YEARS and you are not even grateful and then have had the GALL to accuse me of being selfish with my time. Now you get to see what selfish with my time actually looks like. Let me know when you are truly sorry, are willing to apologize for what you said AND for getting our parents involved.”
NTA, you’re not being selfish she is. Just because you don’t have kids doesn’t mean your time is not valuable. You’re not back up plan always available, or you owe her or anybody shit.
I’ve always thought that people who call you selfish for not having kids, regret having kids.
NTA- you chose to be generous with your time, that generosity was taken for granted, you chose to stop being generous (which is your right to do and you need no justification for), and now she’s pissy that she doesn’t have free labor
hold up your boundaries, she can find someone else to watch her kids or she can learn to act right
NTA. She signed up to have kids. She signed up to be responsible for them.
You didn’t sign up as backup mom. Period.
I will NEVER understand people insulting someone who does them favors– like somehow that will get them to change their minds. LOL. I have an unbreakable “flying monkey” rule. If i have to say no and you try to triangulate to bully me then even if later I find I can help you out after all I absolutely will not because that would be teaching you that bullying is acceptable.
I suspect your sister imposes on your parents frequently as well and they are taking her side because if you don’t step up then they have to.
I’ve been the “fun aunt” childcarer for my sister and SIL and both of them have been absolutely grateful and always took no for an answer– which ironically made it more likely that I’d cancel plans to help them out. Another SIL felt incredibly entitled to my time and tried getting my inlaws to intervene. That was when I implemented the “Flying Monkey Rule”. The key is you have to let the bully know that you were actually having second thoughts about changing your plans when the flying monkeys appeared and that means you can’t reward them for going behind your back and getting others involved so now, even though you would like to help you are forced to say no to teach them that bullying is never acceptable.
It takes a few times but it works.
Punishing her for being a mom by not watching HER child. How dare you! /s
NTA
NTA. Attending a wedding is NOT a last-minute emergency. They had to RSVP months ago, they had so much time to plan, they chose not to.
NTA. My sister often asks me to babysit for her, but they always ASK if I’m free first. Secondly, it’s scheduled at least a week in advance. Third, if I have anything planned and can’t do it, they’ll figure it out. I am not their only choice in babysitting, but I am their first choice.
I can understand after school pick ups, but you can’t say that you have plans for a wedding and are going to drop off the kids the same night without checking first. For all they know, you’re out of town. That’s just plain stupid.
You are not responsible for anyone you didn’t give birth to. Meaning you’re not responsible for your sister or her kids. Everything you did was a favor, and favors are not obligations. They are 100% taking advantage of you and using manipulative tactics to keep taking advantage of you.
Edit to add NTA. Talk to a therapist and do what’s right for you
NTA – funny enough, if you had a child of your own you wouldn’t have the time to watch her kids. And it says a lot that your parents come with condemnation, and not a plan to keep the children for her.
Not having children is entirely your choice. Having kids was entirely hers. It was also entirely her choice to project out her ideal and shitty option, then decree that you should just get over it. Which people don’t frequently realize is a symptom of them being a mom, but not your mom.
You’re allowed boundaries. If she is unhappy with that, then she can pay for the luxury of her opinions. But you should realize if you back down on this you’re putting yourself in a situation to be chastised and diminished for your life choices by your own choice.
If they cannot adhere to your boundaries, then they do not have access to you nor your time.
You may be in the wrong. This is because nobody could know beforehand that they have to suddenly go to a wedding so they had no chance to give you notice… Oh, hold on. Why COULDN’T they have given you notice? What’s next, to say “Look after our child because we are abroad on holiday tomorrow for a fortnight”.
They need to learn that you are doing them a favour. You are not on call for them 24/7. I would suggest it is they who are selfish because they have a baby and need to bother someone without children simply to look after a child someone decided to have. They are lucky you don’t want children because if you did you could be asking THEM to look after yours too.
Be what they are accusing her for. And start billing her to watch her kids. If she can’t handle being a mom, she shouldn’t have. As for your parents thank them so kindly for stepping up to watch their grand children…
Not your kids, not your problem.
NTA. Sounds like she’s been punishing you for not having kids.
NTA, there must be a fire sale for “entitlement because she is loaded with it. Gratitude is what is lacking and it is clearly evident and sometimes you have to stop dealing with people who disrespect your time. At the end of the day she chose to have those kids not you and she’s (and husband) are ultimately responsible for them not you OP. Updateme
UpdateMe
NTA. You’re being treated like the uber of baby sitters. Sis wants to dial you up and reserve you on demand. Sis has no respect for your life choices or your time. You definitely need to set limitations with your sister and be clear with your parents. Don’t look for their agreement or acknowledgment. Just tell them and follow though OP.
Granny spouting …siding with your sister …why don’t she have the kids?
NTA
As the childless by choice auntie, I am so lucky my lot never take the p and the always appreciate my time and effort with their children, be it my request or theirs to have them.
She is definitely taking advantage, you cannot go down that route. Next time you find yourself free then is the time to offer to take them out somewhere fun.
You’re not a free built in babysitter You’re their aunt, nothing wrong with helping when you can, but it shouldn’t be expected, and tell your parental they can have their blinking grandchildren if they feel that strongly!
NTA can’t insult the hand that helps you and expect it to continue to help you. Family helps family, but family is also supposed to love and support you unconditionally, your sister falls short. And tbh she’s just mad that she’s tired and can’t pawn her kids off to someone she thinks less of.
Sounds like your kindness has bit you in the butt! You are being taken advantage of and your sister is being shameless with the guilt tripping. I think it’s time for them to start paying for a babysitter or asking grandma and grandpa.
“My parents said I owe it to support her.”
“The only ones who owe her child care are the people who helped make those kids. However, since you feel so strongly about it, I will happily pass the torch to you, seen as how I’ve been helping her for years.”
NTA. She can pay a babysitter or find daycare.
Does she pay you for babysitting? I’m guessing not.
Next time, don’t go into an explanation about being taken for granted and boundaries. Just say, “We are unavailable to babysit.” Let her screech and whine. When she takes a breath, say again, “We are unavailable to babysit.”
NTA. You are entitled to your own time and peace. You chose the life you have, and you are entitled to live that life. You have generously given your time, again and again, to your sister and her family to help out when she’s asked. Now, she feels entitled to YOUR time, and feels she can encroach on YOUR life because it’s different from hers, and she’s now deemed that to mean that her life is now more important than yours.
Her life is allowed to be more important to her, just as your life is allowed to be more important to you. You didn’t choose to have children, which means you didn’t sign up to automatically take care of hers when she and your BIL have a conflict.
You absolutely need to learn how to set boundaries. You need to learn how to not feel guilty when you say no and she throws a tantrum. Saying “no” for your own peace does not mean you don’t love your nibblings or your sister. It means you are continuing to live the life you chose to live and are protecting your own peace.
Yet another sibling disrespects younger sibling and then demands babysitting and the parents side with the older one. What did you parents say when you told them to babysit? Bring on the karma
Nta.
Tell your sister your parents are available since they are siding with her
OP your sister will NEVER admit this…
She is jealous of your lifestyle.
So all she can do is state that “worse” of it.
Nta. Not your kids, not your problem.
Until she shows some understanding of the validity of your chosen life and apologizes, I wouldn’t babysit at all. Those kids are young and there are yrs ahead where you will need to feel appreciated and validated for it to go well.
NTAH, I’d consider texting your sister and mother, “I’ve babysat up to three times in one week to do pick ups from school when work schedules were a problem, for weekends, evenings, etc but in turn, my sister demands more and says I’m selfish. I’ve been willing to help and love my nieces and nephews but I’m not the on call nanny that’s obligated to always step in as asked. I will not tolerate being treated rudely or expected to drop my work or weekend plans because my sister is more important. If I get an apology and it’s understood my time also matters and I’m not on call, I’ll continue to help. If not, then it sounds like the grandparents can step in as they agree with my sister that we all owe our support to her. For this wedding, grandparents step in, they get a sitter, which most parents do, or one of them stays home with their kids. I’m very offended all of you have expected no questions asked babysitting whenever I’m asked. If that’s what you want, get a nanny.”
NTA. She had you as picked as a default babysitter. And you are right she doesn’t respect your time. You had to shut that down . Because at the end of the day she decided to have kids not you. And since your parents are taking her side then they can watch the kids.
NTA, your sister is being unreasonable.
NTA. Stick to your boundaries. It has happened to many times that people with kids always believe that someone without kids are selfish or should have all the time in the world to constantly help them. Like they don’t have a life because they don’t have kids. She doesn’t appreciate your help at all because of this. Despite what your parents believe you are not obligated to help your sister. Honestly, your sister sounds horrible and I would limit the times I help her at all. I wouldn’t help her again until she understands that your personal time is important and apologies to you for what she said. She may be a good mom, but she’s is being a bad sister right now.
NTA don’t let her gaslight/guilt trip you. Even if you don’t babysit for them at all, it’s okay. You are not forced to do it.
Selfish is having kids without figuring out who’s going to take care of them when you’re busy and assuming your relatives are going to do it without considering their time or decisions.
Don’t fall for the “keep the peace”, “help her out”, “family comes first” BS. If you want to lay naked on the rooftop while screaming instead of helping her with her kids, that’s okay because it’s your life and your time, you don’t owe her an explanation and “No” is a complete sentence.