Last month, I was outside talking to my neighbor “Bill” about the pressure washing service he used to clean the outside of his home. I noticed his kids playing soccer in the cul-de-sac area (it technically is a street? But it is also a blacktop) and his youngest fell and scraped her knee. Bill moved here about a year ago. I’ve lived here for 15+ years.
He said he’s thinking about putting a fence up in the backyard so his kids could finally play in the yard.
I asked what did he mean by that and he mentioned his other neighbor “Alex” was known to yell at Bill’s kids if the ball or toy they were playing with ended up in his yard (Alex doesn’t have a fence, actually none of the houses near Bill’s house have a fence) it is just one long stretch of backyards connected together.
I asked him if his kids were trampling on any flowers or in his garden and he said no, Alex yells if they cross the boundary line about stepping on his grass and going on his property. He said Alex said it is an understanding that all the neighbors have: Do not touch other people’s lawns.
These aren’t prize winning lawns, these are just regular backyards with dandelions and dry spots.
I told Bill that if his kids want to, they could play towards my side of the connecting yards. I don’t mind if their ball or whatever goes in my yard.
The next day Bill’s kids were playing in the backyard, and his kids were honestly a little terrified of crossing the imaginary line that they sprinted when their frisbee ended up on my lawn. I told them it was okay, they don’t have to be scared, I’m not like Alex.
Later on, I saw Alex at the grocery store and he confronted me about letting the kids play in my yard. He said now he feels pressured to let Bill’s kids play in his backyard because I let them play in mine. I asked him if Bill said anything, and he said no, but the pressure is there because I went against the neighborhood agreement.
I never heard of the neighborhood agreement. I told him that lawns and grass are meant to be stepped on and that he should lighten up a little bit about the occasional “trespasser” on his lawn to retrieve a ball or frisbee. He said that he doesn’t want to get sued because a kid twisted an ankle while getting a ball on his lawn. I told him to lighten up and it isn’t that big of a deal.
He called me an AH because now he looks like the bad guy even though he’s just protecting his property. My friends are mostly on my side but the ones on Alex’s are thinking about the potential lawsuits if a kid gets hurt while on my lawn.
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Last month, I was outside talking to my neighbor “Bill” about the pressure washing service he used to clean the outside of his home. I noticed his kids playing soccer in the cul-de-sac area (it technically is a street? But it is also a blacktop) and his youngest fell and scraped her knee. Bill moved here about a year ago. I’ve lived here for 15+ years.
He said he’s thinking about putting a fence up in the backyard so his kids could finally play in the yard.
I asked what did he mean by that and he mentioned his other neighbor “Alex” was known to yell at Bill’s kids if the ball or toy they were playing with ended up in his yard (Alex doesn’t have a fence, actually none of the houses near Bill’s house have a fence) it is just one long stretch of backyards connected together.
I asked him if his kids were trampling on any flowers or in his garden and he said no, Alex yells if they cross the boundary line about stepping on his grass and going on his property. He said Alex said it is an understanding that all the neighbors have: Do not touch other people’s lawns.
These aren’t prize winning lawns, these are just regular backyards with dandelions and dry spots.
I told Bill that if his kids want to, they could play towards my side of the connecting yards. I don’t mind if their ball or whatever goes in my yard.
The next day Bill’s kids were playing in the backyard, and his kids were honestly a little terrified of crossing the imaginary line that they sprinted when their frisbee ended up on my lawn. I told them it was okay, they don’t have to be scared, I’m not like Alex.
Later on, I saw Alex at the grocery store and he confronted me about letting the kids play in my yard. He said now he feels pressured to let Bill’s kids play in his backyard because I let them play in mine. I asked him if Bill said anything, and he said no, but the pressure is there because I went against the neighborhood agreement.
I never heard of the neighborhood agreement. I told him that lawns and grass are meant to be stepped on and that he should lighten up a little bit about the occasional “trespasser” on his lawn to retrieve a ball or frisbee. He said that he doesn’t want to get sued because a kid twisted an ankle while getting a ball on his lawn. I told him to lighten up and it isn’t that big of a deal.
He called me an AH because now he looks like the bad guy even though he’s just protecting his property. My friends are mostly on my side but the ones on Alex’s are thinking about the potential lawsuits if a kid gets hurt while on my lawn.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I gave permission for kids to enter my backyard if they need to retrieve a ball and 2. Apparently this made another neighbor upset because he looks like the bad guy, even if he is just trying to protect himself from a lawsuit
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. I can’t imagine how miserable one must be to make an issue of this like Alex…. Especially for attacking you for allowing them in your yard, regardless of his own position on his “turf.”
NAH You’re willing to accept the liability of children playing in your yard getong injured on your property and your neighbor is not.
There is no agreement and Alex is full of it.
> but the ones on Alex’s are thinking about the potential lawsuits if a kid gets hurt while on my lawn.
No they are not. They are using threat of lawsuit as an excuse, just like Alex is using “agreement” as an excuse. Even if you risked lawsuit, it would not made you an asshole, it would made you someone willing to risk a little.
People like Alex want others be assholes too, because then their assholery is hidden. And they use any possible bs excuse for that.
Alex is, without a doubt, a huge AH. Unilaterally dictating neighborhood rules as if from on high. These kids fear playing in the yard because he’s such a whacko. NTA
NTA
You’re a kind neighbor and willing to accept the risk of a child getting hurt on your property. Kids are kids and they’re not being destructive, and you are allowing it to prevent them from getting hurt in the street.
Alex doesn’t want to take that risk and he’s well within his rights to. However, his overreaction and attacking you about it makes him a AH.
NTA.
Alex feels bad because he’s been an AH, and now sees that it costs nothing to be kind and has guilt. My response to him would have been “Just because I’m ok with it doesn’t mean you have to be. It’s my yard, and if they want to play there, I’m ok with it. Is there more that needs to be said here about it?”
ESH. It’s fine to let kids cross the imaginary line to get stuff in your yard. It’s great that you’re not prickly about that. But it’s not cool to tell someone you barely know to “lighten up” or how to feel or behave.
ETA: Rating changed to account for stock cell’s point: Alex shouldn’t be telling the OP what to do either.
You’ve done nothing wrong, and it is fine to permit children to play in your garden – it is your land and you have the right to determine what it is used for. Your decision is none of his business, and if that makes him look bad, that’s just bad luck.
But I suspect there are NAH, just you are more pragmatic, whilst the other guy is scared about an unlikely possibility because of the litigous culture (I assume you are in the USA).
I’m with you: We should try to be kind rather than defensive, especially with our neighbours. If the gardens aren’t meant to be shared or crossed into, or to have a community feeling, they should be fenced off.
If the fear of being sued is the barrier and people are otherwise happy for childrent to play and neighbours to cross into the other gardens, you can all sign a little mutual agreement saying you accept that anyone crossing onto another neighbours land or permitting their children to do so does so at their own risk and limiting liability to a dollar. If you don’t want to pay for a lawyer, and can’t find a template online, I bet even chatGPT could generate something that is good enough to set people’s minds at rest.
NTA. It’s your lawn. You’re allowed to let kids play on it. Obviously. He doesn’t have to let them but he is a huge AH for yelling at you about it.
NTA
Tell me you’re in the US without telling me you’re in the US 😉
NTA
I get if kids are destroying the lawn or anything similar but to get mad that you’re letting a neighbor’s children play in your yard is ridiculous..
I dont want kinds in my yard. Too much hassle if stuff goes sideways. You willing to take that lawsuit on the chin like a champ tho. Thats some amazing work.
Nta because you have the money to shell out if one of them break a bone on a spot you didnt notice was slightly more sunken in. Wish we all had that kind of financial freedom.