Kind people are kind to everyone and it doesn’t go away. If someone is kind to you but gossips to you about others, you can know for a fact that they’re fake.
Look at what they do, not just what they say. If they’re saying the right things but their actions don’t match, then you can’t trust their apparent niceness.
Consistency. Are they kind all the time, or just when it’s easy to do so?
How do they treat others? If they’re polite to a person’s face and then badmouth them as soon as that person is out of earshot, then there’s a pretty good chance they’re doing that to you.
Observe how they behave when they are inconvenienced or in pain. Also observe how they behave when others, including you, are inconvenienced or in pain.
Your gut. There’s really no other way to tell. If something feels off about someone, there’s no denying that irrespective of what others may say about them.
Observe their interactions with/attitudes toward the elderly, the disabled, children, animals and anyone of a different gender that they’re not either attracted to sexually or trying to get a favor from.
This might be cliche but I think it comes down to how they say it more than what they say. In my experience, a kind person usually says kind things as a fact, they’re not trying to get a reaction or information out of you. Whereas with unkind people, they have a way of making you feel small with just their tone even if at face value they’re saying something nice.
Good question. If someone is TOO NICE when first meeting me it can signal a red flag. Relationships are built over time and if someone comes nice bombing me ( like love bombing) I become suspicious, also being too nice after noticing something about me that could benefit them
i feel like is someone’s kind to u doesn’t mean they are a kind human being …so basically how are they with everyone around them . plus how they act behind your back is what tells everything u need to know .
If on balance, (1) you can tell they aren’t being kind just to be seen as “kind”; and (2) they are thoughtful and act with a spirit of generosity for others. They might not on surface be the sweetest, nicest people, but they show up for you, and are there for both the ups and the downs without envy or glee, respectively.
you can spot it very easily by showing how he treat people that he doesn’t expect anything from. it does not need to be the janitor, just coworker that are not managers.
You also can see how they behave when they are upset… do they start to verbally abuse anyone around, or not.
One way to check out their authenticity is to pay attention to their body language during interactions with others, and note if it changes afterward.
For example, they seem to be enjoying a discussion with a coworker, but once the other person leaves, they roll their eyes. Or while in a group discussion, while one person is talking, they make eye contact with someone else and make a face that seems mocking of the speaker.
You usually notice in small moments. How they treat people when there’s nothing to gain, like servers, pets, or strangers. Kindness feels consistent, not just when it’s convenient.
How they treat others ‘beneath’ them when other’s aren’t looking, like cleaners or service staff, elderly and disabled or people they arent attracted enough to flirt with.
I mentioned when other’s arent looking, as some people may give to charity or be nice to others because they like to appear virtuous in front of others
I don’t think it’s very common for a person to pretend to be kind. I think that what is more common is for people to be very good at some aspects of kindness, but don’t prioritize all of them.
There’s politeness to strangers and acquaintances. Some people feel more pressure to be friendly and appropriate in social situations, and say please and thank you, and make social interactions smooth and pleasant.
There’s a willingness to do altruistic things for others, and a separate bar for family, friends, immediate community, and strangers.
There’s the drive to do what is right even if it hurts the self and others, like telling someone harsh criticism they need to hear, or admitting to wrongdoing that could destroy a relationship.
There’s reciprocity and emotional caregiving, noticing when someone close to you has done something kind for you, appreciating that kindness, and remembering to do something kind for them in the future.
And on and on, there are so many different ways that kindness manifests. And so many of them require very different interpersonal skills, and are valued to different degrees by different communities. So I think that a lot of the time, people will think of themselves as kind people for doing one or many of those things, but they aren’t as good at those other aspects of kindness.
Consistency, actions over words, intention, making sacrifices themselves to help others, being indiscriminately kind no matter who the person is, and not calling attention to their actions or wanting praise.
Time. You don’t give them anything that leaves you vulnerable. You see how they treat you, how they treat others. I don’t believe in words, only action.
if they don’t talk trash about others and continue being nice to you even when their friends are with them. sometimes they’re just bored and hang out with the first person they see and barely know when they don’t want to be alone but the minute they’re not alone you’re not a priority anymore.
Comments
How they react to compliments says a lot. You can tell if they just want compliments.
Kind people are kind to everyone and it doesn’t go away. If someone is kind to you but gossips to you about others, you can know for a fact that they’re fake.
[removed]
Listen to their actions and ignore their words. You’ll hear the truth there.
You can feel it darling, you can feel it. The plasticity is there.
[removed]
A kind person doesn’t say their kind, they act kind & others recognize it and tell you about it
Actions > words
I notice mannerisms, how they are around strangers vs family/friends.
concistency
[removed]
Observe how they behave when they are inconvenienced or in pain. Also observe how they behave when others, including you, are inconvenienced or in pain.
Your gut. There’s really no other way to tell. If something feels off about someone, there’s no denying that irrespective of what others may say about them.
You need to observe it over time and in all situations if possible. Itll eventually crack if theyre pretending.
Observe their interactions with/attitudes toward the elderly, the disabled, children, animals and anyone of a different gender that they’re not either attracted to sexually or trying to get a favor from.
It will tell you all you need to know
How they follow through with their actions. Not just empty words
watch actions. & watch what they say to you vs what they say to others.
Forced kindness is unsustainable. That’s how you can tell. Someone using kindness to manipulate will reveal their motives quicker.
The consistency of their kindness
This might be cliche but I think it comes down to how they say it more than what they say. In my experience, a kind person usually says kind things as a fact, they’re not trying to get a reaction or information out of you. Whereas with unkind people, they have a way of making you feel small with just their tone even if at face value they’re saying something nice.
It boils down to consistency. If they fluctuate, they’re more than likely putting on a front for certain people.
if the person will choose to be kind when they could have been unkind
Doesn’t take advantage of a person or a situation when it would be easy to / they could get away with it
Consideration 🙂 they take even small things in account and their kindness is not conditional or subjective
Good question. If someone is TOO NICE when first meeting me it can signal a red flag. Relationships are built over time and if someone comes nice bombing me ( like love bombing) I become suspicious, also being too nice after noticing something about me that could benefit them
How they treat animals
It’s in their eyes, Chico
i feel like is someone’s kind to u doesn’t mean they are a kind human being …so basically how are they with everyone around them . plus how they act behind your back is what tells everything u need to know .
If on balance, (1) you can tell they aren’t being kind just to be seen as “kind”; and (2) they are thoughtful and act with a spirit of generosity for others. They might not on surface be the sweetest, nicest people, but they show up for you, and are there for both the ups and the downs without envy or glee, respectively.
you can spot it very easily by showing how he treat people that he doesn’t expect anything from. it does not need to be the janitor, just coworker that are not managers.
You also can see how they behave when they are upset… do they start to verbally abuse anyone around, or not.
One way to check out their authenticity is to pay attention to their body language during interactions with others, and note if it changes afterward.
For example, they seem to be enjoying a discussion with a coworker, but once the other person leaves, they roll their eyes. Or while in a group discussion, while one person is talking, they make eye contact with someone else and make a face that seems mocking of the speaker.
You usually notice in small moments. How they treat people when there’s nothing to gain, like servers, pets, or strangers. Kindness feels consistent, not just when it’s convenient.
I get an intuitive feeling sometimes
The motivation behind their kindness; when they choose to show kindness. It’ll fade away when their unkind behaviours are criticised or called out.
Someone being kind doesn’t need recognition.
Observe how they deal with people when they got nothing to offer to them.
If they are kind, then they are kind. But when they are nice, they are not always nice. Nice is the appearance, kind is the intention.
The kind person respects out of humanity, the nice person respects out of interrest.
You can lie with your words. You can even lie with your actions. No one can lie with their habits.
Watch what people do when they’re distracted. Watch what people do when they’re stressed. What people do when they have abundance of free time.
Anytime I’ve ignored these things I’ve regretted it.
I think time is the best teller. Fakeness always reveals itself eventually.
How they treat others ‘beneath’ them when other’s aren’t looking, like cleaners or service staff, elderly and disabled or people they arent attracted enough to flirt with.
I mentioned when other’s arent looking, as some people may give to charity or be nice to others because they like to appear virtuous in front of others
I don’t think it’s very common for a person to pretend to be kind. I think that what is more common is for people to be very good at some aspects of kindness, but don’t prioritize all of them.
There’s politeness to strangers and acquaintances. Some people feel more pressure to be friendly and appropriate in social situations, and say please and thank you, and make social interactions smooth and pleasant.
There’s a willingness to do altruistic things for others, and a separate bar for family, friends, immediate community, and strangers.
There’s the drive to do what is right even if it hurts the self and others, like telling someone harsh criticism they need to hear, or admitting to wrongdoing that could destroy a relationship.
There’s reciprocity and emotional caregiving, noticing when someone close to you has done something kind for you, appreciating that kindness, and remembering to do something kind for them in the future.
And on and on, there are so many different ways that kindness manifests. And so many of them require very different interpersonal skills, and are valued to different degrees by different communities. So I think that a lot of the time, people will think of themselves as kind people for doing one or many of those things, but they aren’t as good at those other aspects of kindness.
Consistency, actions over words, intention, making sacrifices themselves to help others, being indiscriminately kind no matter who the person is, and not calling attention to their actions or wanting praise.
Time. You don’t give them anything that leaves you vulnerable. You see how they treat you, how they treat others. I don’t believe in words, only action.
if they don’t talk trash about others and continue being nice to you even when their friends are with them. sometimes they’re just bored and hang out with the first person they see and barely know when they don’t want to be alone but the minute they’re not alone you’re not a priority anymore.
Watch how they treat service people
They’ll act kind sometimes , they’ll act unkind at other times