I (19F) am due with my first baby any day now. The father (20M) and I were never officially together. We casually dated (about three dates), met each other’s families, and shared feelings like “I love you.” He told me he didn’t want me dating other guys, so I assumed we were moving toward exclusivity. Then he suddenly said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that we should cut contact.
We conceived our son on our last date, though I didn’t know I was pregnant until weeks later. When I told him, he immediately said I should get an abortion and even offered to pay. I chose to keep the baby.
Throughout my pregnancy, he’s been mostly absent and unsupportive. He only came to one ultrasound, contributed minimally (a handful of baby things), and vaped around me in enclosed spaces even though he knew it wasn’t safe. He often dismissed me as “dramatic” and got verbally aggressive when I asked him to be more involved. Meanwhile, he still made plenty of time for his friends and (as I just found out) started a new relationship two months ago.
I’ll be honest: I feel robbed of my first pregnancy experience. I wanted him to be present, and I gave him many opportunities to be part of it. But most of the time, if he was physically there, it was only for an hour or two, and the emotional support was nonexistent. Hearing that he can show up for another girl but not for me or our son was my breaking point.
Because of all this, I’ve decided:
• He won’t be in the delivery room (I need peace and support, not stress).
• I won’t be putting him on the birth certificate at first.
• I don’t plan on telling him the baby is born until two weeks later. I want that time to bond and adjust to my new life with my son before adding the stress of co-parenting discussions.
This isn’t about excluding him forever. I do plan on inviting him to meet our son, just after I’ve had that short adjustment period. But I feel strongly about needing those first two weeks to recover, bond, and settle into motherhood without pressure.
So, AITA for excluding him from the birth, the certificate, and waiting two weeks before telling him?