My sister’s has a 5 year old, lovely enough kid, but she goes on like he’s the next Einstein. Every time we see her it’s “he can already count to 100” or “he figured out how the scoring in tennis works”, (I don’t believe the latter bit).
I was catching up with her over the phone and she’s banging on again about how he’s “gifted” and “the school won’t know what to do with him”. She stops and goes, “Don’t you think he’s special?”
And I don’t know why but my mouth just went before my brain and I said, “He’s just a normal kid. He’s fine.”
My sister went totally silent for around 30 seconds. I tried to say something and she went ballistic.
Now apparently I’ve “crushed her spirit” and “insulted” my nephew. I didn’t mean it nasty, I love the little guy, I just couldn’t sit through another half hour of her going on about how he opened his own yogurt pot all by himself.
Anyway I’m now the arsehole uncle and no doubt this’ll be dragged up every Christmas till I die.
TL;DR: Told my sister her kid’s not special, now my sister is majorly pissed.
Comments
You’ll be fine
Tell her your nephew is amazing. He’s at the top of the Bell curve.
I hate when parents do that, they act like their kid is some prodigy and it’s mentioned in every single conversation. Nobody cares. You can only say “wow, that’s awesome” “aw, he’s so smart” so many times.
Sounds like your sister needs to grow up.
It’s fine, in a few years once he’s at school you’ll know if you were right or wrong, then you can drop it into conversation that every parent thinks their kid is amazing but sometimes need to be grounded again.
Your nephew is going to grow up thinking he’s entitled. There’s a lot of people who have kids for the sake of having bragging rights. It’s quite sad.
Is she stay at home mom? If so, then you “insulted” her job, it’s not so much about the kid, just she thinks everything revolves around the kid.
Not TIFU, she’s nuts and needs to come down to earth once in a while
Imagine how much pressure that kid would live under if no one shut down moms insanity.
My sister in law grew up with her parents telling her how smart she was all the time, she is very book smart, but lacks all other forms of intelligence. She is now a full blown narcissist and yes, the universe revolves around her. Not good to treat children that way, the real world will eat them alive.
Hey sis, Little Liam is very special. Just like everybody else.
I actually think it’s really dangerous for parents to treat their child like they are exceptional in all areas. My mom did this and I think it contributed to some difficulties for me with learning. I am a severe perfectionist, and if I can’t get something right the first time, sometimes I won’t even try. Now that I’m aware of it, it helps me be more patient with myself, but in high school this created so many academic issues for me. I was either a straight A or straight F student because, if I couldn’t get something right the first time, I assumed I was bad at it and wouldn’t try.
I hope your sister continues to congratulate her child for accomplishments, and I also hope she doesn’t continue to praise him to the point where it will hinder him in the future.
I was in a program for gifted and talented students. It was a lot of pressure to do something amazing with my life and now that I haven’t I feel like a failure. Labels, good or bad, suck.
Parents like that are insufferable. He probably also ended up with half the yogurt around his mouth rather than in it but didn’t include that detail.
Also, don’t tell a pregnant woman that childbirth is not a miracle.
Of course he hasn’t figured out how tennis is score. No one alive knows how tennis is scored.
“How old were you when you learned how to score tennis?” “Fifteen, love.”
Your sister needs to get over her shit. Jesus. As a parent of three, that would drive me insane. As a kid who was considered “special” in the same way, it was a pressure I could’ve done without. As a human being, I could hear less about you saying how unique and special your kid is above everyone else’s kid, you arrogant fuck.
I knew an English teacher who started every semester with high school freshmen telling them they weren’t special. lol
Opening a yoghurt isn’t gifted haha. Her kid didn’t hear you say this right? If she tells him or says it around him, she’s an asshole. Also her kid isn’t gifted and putting that pressure on him at five is just cruel. The poor kid is going to level off (as most children who excel in younger years do, it’s normal) and be left wondering why he never meets his mams expectations.
Pop psych from an idiot here: It is my understanding that praising a kid as a genius is a bad idea. You should instead praise EFFORT. Calling a kid a genius sets up an inevitable problem that they one day won’t figure something out on initial intuition and then they will doubt their intelligence. When your self image and social standing is based around “smart kid” this ego hit to your intelligence as a “gifted kid” is worse than it sounds. Don’t build a genius ego, build a hard work ego.
Don’t worry. In a year she’ll have had so many people tell her this as the kid starts school that you will fade into the background.
My mom talked about me similarly till I was diagnosed with aspergers (prior to it being absorbed into autism) and it kinda ruined me for a while. I get it, parents love their kids, but placing these insane expectations on them fucks them up mentally. After the diagnosis, it suddenly went from “he’s so smart he could be a lawyer” to “he’s doing so well despite everything,” like gee fucking thanks for the backhanded compliments.
If a child has a gift no one needs to be told it will shine through. She’s setting him up for undue pressure or failure. All children are special in their own way.
She gon’ learn
Poor kid
Ironically me and my buddy were just talking the other week about kids intelligence. Kids in general are a lot smarter than people realize. They lack critical thinking but they’re good at learning things. As the popular saying goes, kids are like sponges for information. They absorb everything you give them. They just don’t always know how to best apply it or reason out beyond what they learned.
So parents thinking their kid is so smart is pretty common. They see a 5 year old and expect the kid to be an idiot because they’re so young. But in reality most kids this age are surprisingly smart.
I feel you. As annoying as it is to keep hearing the praising it isn’t the child’s fault, I’m sure he would even think she is over the top with the praising. I have an aunty who was like this over her baby granddaughter, she kept saying how she started walking and talking at just a few weeks old lol which is impossible and how she can read, write and spell any word as a toddler and apparently was entering a world champion kickboxing tournament as a child (can’t remember the age she claimed this part but I think it was 7 or 8 lol. It used to piss me and mum off because all she would talk about is that child and how she thinks her deceased son has a part in ‘her gift’
Has your sister always sought out validation in everything she does?
Please please please sit here down and make her watch the Bluey episode “Library” I believe it’s season 2 episode 30. It literally talks about how treating your kid like everyone will see them as special, it will cause a negative impact on their life and views!!!!
He’s unique… just like everyone else
I wouldnt call this a fuck up. I call it speaking reality.
As a parent, I get this. I mean, you’ve never been a parent before. You’ve never seen the human brain develop in a little person that you helped create. It’s all new, it’s all amazing. “Look how quickly they understand things! Look how he picked up on this or that complex idea! MY KID MUST BE A GENIUS!”
When in truth, that’s just how humans develop. I mean, sure, your kid might be gifted, but it’s gonna be a while before that is evident.
Tell her moms like her are the #1 cause of burnout in young adulthood.
Let the kid be a kid, fuck.
As somebody who got brought up constantly being told what a genius I was—it fucked me up, BAD, so I’ll thank you, on behalf of your nephew. Your sister doesn’t realize the unconscious pressure she’s putting on him. It’s good to encourage your kid to learn and be successful, but it’s also good to let him be a normal kid.
This is terrible for the kid. The mom should not say anything in front of him whether he is special or not. It will put a lot of pressure on him to be the best at everything.
You just said what more people need to hear. Actually can we get someone to tell every parent that when they drop off their kid for school/daycare.
If he’s 5 already, why isn’t he in a school? Your sister could put her money where her mouth is.
She knows you are right, thats why she reacted that way. Because you actually called her out on her bs
My son’s taught themselves how to read at 3 years old.
Super smart fellas.
Also, my youngest who is now 6, still gets skidmarks on his undies.
Balance!
My friend’s 6 year old is doing fraction multiplication and cube roots in his head. They have to develop an individualized curriculum for him. That kid is special. He’s also autistic and has significant social development issues. Your sister should count herself lucky that her kid is fairly normal. It will be better for his overall development.
As a parent, every new thing my kid does is amazing because they weren’t able to do it before. They feel like a genius…compared to how they used to be. I think its great to celebrate a kid’s accomplishments even if they are average, (or even if they’re below average), because for that kid and for their parents it IS a big deal. But I think it’s healthy to keep that perspective (even for a kid who is above average), because comparing your kid to others is a recipe for disaster. Hope your sister is able to find a healthier balance in that sense. As others are saying it will be better for her kid in the long run.
That said, it also means a lot to me to know my kids are special to their aunts and uncles. You might make a point of letting them know “so and so is special to me/MY favorite kid in the world/etc” Anyway, good luck. hopefully it’ll blow over and everyone will calm down a little XD
This kid’s mom will be the mom yelling at baseball coaches to let him pitch when he sucks at it. I’m not saying he will suck it’s just an example. Oh, why isn’t Billy the lead in the play?
I got your back, OP. Face it, parents; the average five year old kid is about on the level of a puppy. Some puppies are smarter than others, of course.
Counting to a hundred when youre five is….very normal.
I told my friend that her kid was plus or minus a few standard deviations.
In context, I believe it was a comforting thing to say. You just had to be there.
Everyone thinks their kid is above average. Talking about how advanced and gifted the kid is usually isn’t good for the kid. Thinking you’re the smartest one in the room when you’re really not is a bad look
You should double down , figure out how and where to get the kid tested and give her the info.
> Anyway I’m now the arsehole uncle and no doubt this’ll be dragged up every Christmas till I die.
Dont worry, after a few years it will be YOUR turn to tell about it at christmass.
being the ‘arsehole’ uncle has benefits you will discover as time goes on. might as well start building your rep now.
“I love him for who he is, of course he is special to me! That doesn’t mean we need to set expectations that he may disappointed he doesn’t meet.”
A 5 year old who can count to 100 has nothing on a 4 year old who can add, subtract, and multiply.
‘And I don’t know why but my mouth just went before my brain and I said, “He’s just a normal kid. He’s fine.” ‘
The why is because we don’t have free will in the classical usage of the word and that’s what your brain wanted to say so you said it.
Also it’s very likely true.
Lol bruh you basically told a mom her kid’s mid, that’s like stepping on a landmine barefoot
Give him a Mensa test as a birthday present.
Amazing kid! His mom is kind of an insufferable bitch.
As a teacher I like to remind myself that a parent’s unique, special, and genius little snowflake is just one part of my blizzard.
It’s a parent thing to think everything little thing the kid does is magic. 🚓
You were in the right, but what’s a yogurt pot?
I was waiting to see my dentist who was working on a patient who couldn’t stop bragging about her brilliant three year old. He let her go on because he knew I’m a pediatrician and could hear every word. When I got into the chair he said “isn’t it amazing how all these brilliant three year olds become ordinary five year olds”.
Just wait until she finds a joint in his room 10 years from now.
Even geniuses need to relax.
Sounds like Sis needs a break. Too much child not enough adult stuff. Tell her you’re only accepting adult conversations.
Maybe your sister forgets that not everyone is a parent, and thus not everyone is expert in letting her go on about her offspring because it’s the only thing to talk about when you’ve a child to look after. You’ve managed 5 years without letting it slip, now remind her that she’s not just a mum and she should vary her conversation topics if she wants to keep or increase her circle of friends and interests.
Just wait until he’s at school eating paste and crayons. Take a moment to say “told you so.” Oh, and I hope you don’t like Thanksgiving.
My wife is a middle school teacher and every year gets emails from parents and their child needing to be placed in higher math classes because “oh they are much smarter than their test scores!”.
Too many parents think too highly of their kids, and it’s better that their kids get the correct level of learning rather than be pushed the things they can handle.
No she was setting that kid up for a lifetime of being the ‘gifted kid not living up to his potential.’ Fuck that.
I honestly don’t know what makes a kid special, a genius, or even just smart.
What I can say about my own 5 year old is that she seems very smart to me. But she also over reacts if she has an issue doing something. Our doctor told us that we should always be supportive of her but don’t specifically tell her that she’s really smart or anything like that because the doctor is thinking the overreactions are from pressure she’s putting on herself.
Again, idk, I’m just relaying personal experience.
As a burned-out former “gifted kid”, I say you probably did your nephew a favor.