I (17F) am a first-year college student. I have a roommate (18F). For the first few week’s things have been great. We get along great, and we are both getting comfortable about sharing the space.
She is one to go out and party and I’m not I rather just lay in my bed and read. She is also doesn’t go to bed till 3 or 4 in the morning. I’m not, I’m more of the going to bed at 12 kinds of person.
Anyways to the problem, lately she has been bringing this guy to our dorm after 12am. Most of the time I’m in bed trying to sleep but can’t. I feel very uncomfortable and can’t sleep. Everyone I’ve talked to told me that I should talk to her and set clear boundaries about how I’m feeling. I’ve barely been getting sleep and have been having more headaches because of it. I’ve also fell asleep instead of study for an exam that I had. I just don’t to be rude about it.
AITAH?
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I (17F) am a first-year college student. I have a roommate (18F). For the first few week’s things have been great. We get along great, and we are both getting comfortable about sharing the space.
She is one to go out and party and I’m not I rather just lay in my bed and read. She is also doesn’t go to bed till 3 or 4 in the morning. I’m not, I’m more of the going to bed at 12 kinds of person.
Anyways to the problem, lately she has been bringing this guy to our dorm after 12am. Most of the time I’m in bed trying to sleep but can’t. I feel very uncomfortable and can’t sleep. Everyone I’ve talked to told me that I should talk to her and set clear boundaries about how I’m feeling. I’ve barely been getting sleep and have been having more headaches because of it. I’ve also fell asleep instead of study for an exam that I had. I just don’t to be rude about it.
AITAH?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> telling my roommate, she can’t bring her boyfriend to our dorm
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
It’s reasonable that she likes to stay up late and party, that’s her choice. It’s not reasonable for her to repeatedly bring a guest over after midnight when you’re trying to sleep, especially if it’s disrupting your academics.
This isn’t an asshole situation. You should obviously talk to her about not bringing him over when you’re trying to sleep at a very reasonable hour. She can go to his place. If she doesn’t stop, talk to the RA. You may be able to be reassigned to a more compatible roommate.
NTA. Try talking to your room mate. If she won’t stop bringing this guy around check what the school rules are about guests. Talk to your RA. She might be breaking school rules. You might be able to get assigned a more compatible room mate. It could even be a safety issue: be cognizant of the fact that it is far from unheard of to get SAd by a room mate’s BF / male friend.
I say talk to your roommate and set clear boundaries. Sleep is one of the most important things in college, and bringing back people at midnight countless times is just plain rude. My roommate and I had a conversation during college where we put “curfews” on during the week for guests. This wasnt just for boyfriends/flings, it covered all guests like family and friends. We had a rule that during the week, no one is to stay passed 10pm. This helped keep things quiet for me, and my roommate would just leave if she wanted to continue the party. On the weekends, we agreed that there wouldn’t be restrictions, but it had to be communicated that someone could potentially come over during the night.
Talk with her! If she can’t respect your boundaries, find a new roommate.
Tell the resident advisor
NTA. You have a right to privacy and to sleep. Her behaviors are denying you that right. Be rude if you have to; but tell her that you don’t want men in your room after a certain time. If she can’t/won’t respect that, report her to the Residence Hall supervisors. It may be time for each of you to find someone with whom you are more compatible.