My son is in 9th grade and my friend’s daughter is in 8th grade.
Last week she asked me to give her my son’s 9th grade tests and assessments.
I’m disappointed and I don’t know how to tell her the answer is no.
My son has excellent grades, but it is the result of his efforts. Her daughter is not having any difficulties in class. We live in France and her average is around 15 /20, kind like a B grade
I believe her daughter should study like all the other classmates and that it’s not fair to my son or any other student who studies and works hard.
AITA for not wanting to share?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My son is in 9th grade and my friend’s daughter is in 8th grade.
Last week she asked me to give her my son’s 9th grade tests and assessments.
I’m disappointed and I don’t know how to tell her the answer is no.
My son has excellent grades, but it is the result of his efforts. Her daughter is not having any difficulties in class. We live in France and her average is around 15 /20, kind like a B grade
I believe her daughter should study like all the other classmates and that it’s not fair to my son or any other student who studies and works hard.
AITA for not wanting to share?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the A because I won’t share the tests even it doesn’t change anything to my son’s results
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA What a ridiculous request. A real friend would not put you in this awkward situation.
NTA. It’s bad enough when kids pressure each other for help with cheating. Even worse when it’s the parent. Wow.
NTA – your son worked hard on his schooling and others aren’t entitled to the results of his labor. as a kid i HATED when others used my homework to “study”. It just teaches them to avoid working and take advantage of good honest workers.
You would be setting a good example for your son by saying “no”
NTA. It’s obviously unfair and wrong, but if you’re having trouble telling her you could put it down to being afraid of getting caught and getting your son in trouble. You could also say you didn’t keep any of that stuff.
NTA; your friend wants you to help her daughter cheat. That is unethical and also it is unfair to the students who actually work and study hard.
“No I won’t help your daughter cheat.” If she wants to make a big deal about that then she’s the unreasonable one (not to mention that she is already being unreasonable for asking).
NTA (had to edit – forgot to say the most important part…)
You’re being judgey. Not a good look.
Having said that — you can say no because you’re uncomfortable with it. Maybe you feel like it’s breaking rules, giving that kid an unfair advantage, cheating… whatever. You can say no without saying no.
You can always say something like — I always make dear son clear out his backpack at the end of the year. I just don’t know what he did with last year’s stuff. Sorry.
NTA. Say you throw them out, and besides, that wouldn’t be fair.
NTA, tell her to study by herself if she wants the grades.
NTA. The way you tell her is, “No.” If you don’t want to discuss the ethics involved, then either tell her that you didn’t keep them or just state that you don’t owe her an explanation.
NTA. Cheating on education is one thing, a parent fixing ways to cheat for their child? That’s fucked up man. Tell your friend that you don’t feel comfortable sharing these things with her.
If she keeps asking, keep it simple: “I already said no and I won’t change my mind.” – and then change the topic. Ask about weekend plans, if she’s found any new nice & easy recipes, whatever else. Do not engage in further conversation on this topic.
YTA. It’s a relay race.
NTA
of course you’re not TA here. Your kid works hard to earn his good marks; her kid can work hard too. Ridiculous to expect you to share those tests so her kid doesn’t have to put the work in.
NTA because helping someone cheat is wrong. On the other hand if the teacher is so incompetent that they don’t change their test questions from year to year they are practically asking for kids to cheat, and if they are changing up the questions then having the old tests get circulated isn’t any more problematic than having any other practice exam out there in the world.
INFO: Can you clarify, are we talking about actual cheating here? or just more that you don’t think it’s fair for this girl to have access to help that your son didn’t get?
Asking because I would assume the teacher changes the exam every year; in fact there are situations (the SAT for example) where questions from previous exams are openly used as study aids. So at your kids’ particular school, would looking at exams from previous years be considered a form of cheating, or a legitimate test preparation method?
NTA – Inform the other parent if they ask again that if you shared your sons docs and assessments you would also have to inform the teachers that you had done so.
Nta, she isn’t going to learn anything if she is handed the answers
Having the test would allow her to study. Just having the test does nothing, you need to actually look at it and remember the answers.
Remembering the answers from the book is not really any different than remembering the answers from the test.
NTA for the reasons you said, although it might seem mean you could be helping the kid out because they’ll actually have to learn to study because there’s not always going to be someone to hand them the answers so they actually just might end up failing all together. IMO terrible parenting on the friend’s part.
INFO – Are the tests the same every year? Why are you assuming the friend’s daughter won’t or can’t use the tests as a study guide?
Say it teaches YOUR son that it’s ok to take the easiest route and that’s not something you want him to learn
INFO: Is your education system really so shitty that they use the exact same tests year after year? Because if not, I don’t really see how this could be used for cheating, rather than just being study aides or practice tests.
NTA. Your friend for asking you to help her cheat.
NTA,
Besides the moral issue, there are potential ramifications should the school find out. It’s also not doing their daughter any favours in the long run since it discourages learning.
NTA…I would say something like, “I don’t keep items like that.” The ethical issue doesn’t seem to bother her at all, so there’s no sense going down that path.
NTA. If the teacher is reusing tests, this would be like cheating. If she wants extra help, her daughter should go to the teacher and ask for practice tests.
Obviously nta. Helping your kid cheat is so much worse than the kid making a bad choice.
“Do you (parent) not want your daughter to do well on her own?”
NTA. It’s called cheating and it’s wrong. Just tell your friend that her kid is smarter than she’s giving her credit for and you don’t want be a party in ruining her self esteem and possibly her life if she were to get caught.
Just say you don’t keep them, problem solved
Just say no.
You aren’t comfortable with it, so don’t do it. If she’s really your friend this won’t end the friendship. It isn’t even really yours to give, it’s your son’s.
As for talking to her about it, that’s the real question. I don’t know your relationship and what you feel comfortable saying to her. So what you actually need to decide is how much or little, and what, you’ll say with your no. You can just say you’ve thought about it and you’re not comfortable and stop there. Or you can say it feels unfair to you, and you don’t want to be part of it. Or just you’ve thought about it and the answer is no, and refuse to discuss fruther. It’s really up to you.
NAH.
I was responding to a comment but think I’ll just put this out there. This isn’t cheating. Unless the tests are the exact same every year (rare and lazy of a dedicated teacher) and/or it’s explicitly stated somewhere to not share the tests, previous examinations are used as study guides in almost every level of those kids future education.
My student union in university would gather tests every year, donated by students, and had a catalogue of almost all previous quizzes, tests and exams. You could sign them out. You couldn’t leave the office with it, but you could take pictures or make photocopies right there.
It’s a study guide. Once you’ve prepared and feel confident, you take a practice test, and it might point out something you missed or an error in your thinking, and cause you to go back and restudy it.
Some profs would refuse to allow their exams to be archived, we always asked first, but it was exceedingly rare. Because the profs wanted students to have more tools to study the materials, and they wouldn’t put out the exact same questions again anyway.
I say NAH, cause they aren’t wrong for asking for the tests, and you aren’t an asshole for not wanting to, your thinking is just too simplistic on the matter.
YTA
Gatekeeping your son’s (not even your own) tests is weird and imho pretty petty.
Using older tests as a worksheet to exercise is legit – it’s not cheating but preparing for a test.
NTA. I would though, but im a traumatized people pleaser.
ESH
This is a weird hill to die on.
If your friend is trying to get her daughter a shortcut and your children’s school is so lazy that they reuse tests every year, of course that’s lame. But when your son will prepare the baccalauréat, he will study the « annales de bac » so literally the previous years tests AND their corrections. At university I send my exams to the students in the previous years because it’s how you prepare for your finals. Although the tests are different, there is a lot of support and help coming from students who went through them already and that’s what studying should look like.
If you are only gatekeeping for the sake of gRaDEs sHouLd bE tHe reSuLT oF hARd wOrk then yes you are being petty and you are teaching your son how to be picked last for group projects.
NTA, but she is NTA either, in college we kept test files to help each other study, it is a real thing a lot of people do, it is working smarter not harder
Do they definitely, actually want to cheat or are they possibly just looking for additional study materials?