One of my friends at our school is a scholarship student. She is extremely smart but from a poor family. Our school food is also expensive so most days she just brings a PB&J sandwich.
There are some nice restaurants around our school and some students (including me) like to order from them. I started buying her lunch with my own pocket money. I hate to sit there and eat a nice food when she eats the same shitty food every day. When my dad found out he was happy and doubled my pocket money so I could be able to buy better food for both of us and have extra money in case I need it later.
My half sister also goes to this school. She is a year older than me. My dad pays for her school because he had saved money for it and had promised it, though he is no longer responsible for her.
My mom is financially struggling so half sis also doesn’t get good food.
A few days ago she approached me and asked if I can buy something for her as well. I said no. She said she is hungry. I said it’s not my problem. I’m not gonna spend all my pocket money to feed the entire school. My dad already pays for her school. What more does she want?
She called me an asshole now my mom thinks I’m a jerk.
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One of my friends at our school is a scholarship student. She is extremely smart but from a poor family. Our school food is also expensive so most days she just brings a PB&J sandwich.
There are some nice restaurants around our school and some students (including me) like to order from them. I started buying her lunch with my own pocket money. I hate to sit there and eat a nice food when she eats the same shitty food every day. When my dad found out he was happy and doubled my pocket money so I could be able to buy better food for both of us and have extra money in case I need it later.
My half sister also goes to this school. She is a year older than me. My dad pays for her school because he had saved money for it and had promised it, though he is no longer responsible for her.
My mom is financially struggling so half sis also doesn’t get good food.
A few days ago she approached me and asked if I can buy something for her as well. I said no. She said she is hungry. I said it’s not my problem. I’m not gonna spend all my pocket money to feed the entire school. My dad already pays for her school. What more does she want?
She called me an asshole now my mom thinks I’m a jerk.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for not buying food for my half sister because I know she doesn’t get to have nice food
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Lowkey sounds like you picked your friend over your sister and that’s why it stings for her. You don’t owe anyone lunch, but telling her “not my problem” when she’s hungry was kinda cold. Could’ve just been honest that you can’t afford to cover both instead of shutting her down like that.
I think more info is needed. You seem almost hostile toward your half-sister, and it seems like that’s why you don’t want to help her out, yet you are perfectly willing to pay for someone who isn’t even related to you. So, where does the hostility come from? Otherwise, it’s odd that you’d gladly pay for a schoolmate but can’t be bothered with your own family.
You said your dad gives you double lunch money and even then, you have some left over. No, you don’t have to “feed the entire school”, but it does seem kinda ass-holey not to help out your sister when you have extra money. I don’t know the back story between the two of you though. I have a terrible relationship with my sister because she is a legit Bad Person. I wouldn’t give her a kidney if her life depended on it, and no, I wouldn’t give her lunch money either.
Basically, I’m not sure that we have enough info to judge whether you’re a true AH or not.
ETA: Based on your responses, I’m going to go with a soft YTA. No, you’re not obligated to pay for your sister’s meals. However, you are paying for a friend’s meals, and you are quite hostile to your sister. Just because you don’t have to do something doesn’t mean you’re not an asshole for not doing that thing. So, yeah… I’ll be down-voted, but soft YTA, mostly for your hostility.
NTA However, your dad is helping to pay for her schooling, and he is giving you extra money to help your friend. Your dad seems like a great, generous man who cares about your half sister and other people too. Do you generally get along well with your half sister? If so, perhaps you can follow dad’s example and invite your half sister to lunch once or twice a week. Or some days make lunches at home you can share with your friend and half sister instead of eating at restaurants. Food insecurity is a serious problem on college campuses in the US. Some universities even have food banks/free food distribution centers on campus for students now. You could see if that is available to help your mom and half sister.
NTA. Her food is not your responsibility. Your friend’s food isn’t either: you are doing a nice thing and good for you. Her food is her parents’ responsibility. You didn’t go into detail about the family situation and who exactly she has supporting her, but the fact is your dad gave you the money, because he’s an adult and adults have money to give.
Your half-sis and mum should be asking your dad for money for her, and if he says no so be it. If either of them mention it again tell them to ask him (and he sounds like a good guy so he should have your back here).
Edit: said step sis instead of half sis, my bad
YTA for how you responded. I mean your not obligated…but you do sound like a jerk with the way you responded. It’s great that you paid for your friend but really her having to eat crappy food is also not your problem. Your mom not being able to afford good food is also not HER problem. She asked and instead of just saying no sorry I don’t have the money or something that would have soften the blow you came across as a snobby jerk…to your own sister.
NTA Your sis can ask dad for lunch money just like she asked you. That’s what she should have done in the first place.
Unless there is some context about your relationship with your half sister missing, YTA for how you handled it.
No one was asking you to feed the whole school. Your half-sister asked you to get her food because she was hungry. If you can’t afford it, fine, say that you can only afford to get food for you and your friend. But “it’s not my problem” is a pretty heartless response to someone asking for food because they’re hungry. Saying no is okay, but not caring makes you an asshole.
Generally, you and your Dad seem like a generous people. Generous to the point that he doubled your pocket money so you could buy your friend lunch – a kind act by you both. Remember that while you can’t always be generous with money, you can be generous in spirit.
Nta she is not your child or your responsibility..Tell your ahole mom it is her responsibility as a parent to feed her own child.
NTA. Her meals are not your responsibility, this is something that the parents need to be handling, not the younger siblings!
YTA for how you shut her down. There’s not enough info to speculate but the animosity you have towards your half sister is very evident in your post. Obviously you’re under no obligation to pay for her food even if she is blood related but you’re young and will realize life isn’t always so black and white so some flexibility will go along way as well as learning how to talk to people. Life has a way of teaching you lessons that you didn’t even know you needed.
Before I make judgment. I need to know why you hate your sister?? What has she done to you?
You have avoided this question…so I’m thinking she hasn’t done anything.
Tell your dad that the tuition he is paying for step sister does not cover food. Maybe he can help. Or get in touch with food banks, resources for his ex& stepkid. It’s not your duty, but you could be nicer.
Wait so your dad buys food for your friend but not his own other daughter???