TLDR: S/O got upset that I cooked for her nephew while she was asleep and not her. She doesn’t like being woken up.
The other night my S/O,s nephew came over to help clear out the garage. He did a great job and I told him I would make dinner as a thank you. Mind you it was a very easy dinner. My S/O fell asleep after helping to work on the garage while I was making dinner. She does not like being woken up, I have learned that waking her up is a bad idea. I let her sleep, when she woke up (on her own) she was very upset since I didn’t make food for her while she was sleeping. She wasn’t feeling well so I let her sleep. She woke up HANGRY. I offered to make her something and after a few minutes of her being grumpy and getting mad at both me and her nephew, she fell back asleep. We’re on day seven of this being brought up. Yes she is still mad.
Side note she doesn’t let me in the kitchen when she’s cooking, unless I’m doing dishes. All of her meals are fantastic and I’m obviously spoiled. Stuck in between a rock and a hard place, if I would have made something it would have been cold, I take food safety very seriously (not that I haven’t eaten pizza left in the microwave). If I would have woken her up it is a 50/50 shot she’s going to be happy with food or mad she didn’t get good sleep.
3am drunchies hit hard sometimes. Better to let someone sleep or offer to make them food fresh when they wake up? 🐻
Not sleeping in the garage
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TLDR: S/O got upset that I cooked for her nephew while she was asleep and not her. She doesn’t like being woken up.
The other night my S/O,s nephew came over to help clear out the garage. He did a great job and I told him I would make dinner as a thank you. Mind you it was a very easy dinner. My S/O fell asleep after helping to work on the garage while I was making dinner. She does not like being woken up, I have learned that waking her up is a bad idea. I let her sleep, when she woke up (on her own) she was very upset since I didn’t make food for her while she was sleeping. She wasn’t feeling well so I let her sleep. She woke up HANGRY. I offered to make her something and after a few minutes of her being grumpy and getting mad at both me and her nephew, she fell back asleep. We’re on day seven of this being brought up. Yes she is still mad.
Side note she doesn’t let me in the kitchen when she’s cooking, unless I’m doing dishes. All of her meals are fantastic and I’m obviously spoiled. Stuck in between a rock and a hard place, if I would have made something it would have been cold, I take food safety very seriously (not that I haven’t eaten pizza left in the microwave). If I would have woken her up it is a 50/50 shot she’s going to be happy with food or mad she didn’t get good sleep.
3am drunchies hit hard sometimes. Better to let someone sleep or offer to make them food fresh when they wake up? 🐻
Not sleeping in the garage
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> Didn’t make dinner for my S/O while she was asleep but still cooked for her nephew
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA
Cook enough for everyone. Put her portion in the fridge for when she wakes up. Simple as that.
>Stuck in between a rock and a hard place, if I would have made something it would have been cold, I take food safety very seriously
This is such a cop out, dude. Food can be refrigerated. And even if you didn’t refrigerate it, if you take food safety very seriously, you’d know that, with few exceptions, food that has been out of temp for less than four hours can still be safely served/consumed. Y T A for this feigned incompetence. But I’m actually going with ESH if she’s dragging it on for a week or more, that’s too much.
You’re not the asshole. You fed the nephew as a thank you, let her rest, and offered to cook once she woke up. She’s dragging this way too long. being mad for a week over leftovers is wild.
INFO: Why wouldn’t you make enough food for her too? Seems odd since she was also working with you on your garage project.
Day 7? Does she hold a grudge? Does she have a mental disorder? Or is there something else going on here?
NTA. She was asleep. You could have made extra but you offered to make something for her as soon as she woke up, so no reason for her to be mad.
YTA. Saving you take food safety seriously is you trying to justify not making her a dish. Which could have been put in the fridge once it cooled down.
Still giving you crap after a week? NTA. She’s being childish and vindictive.
YTA.
The safe thing to do was to make enough for 3. Otherwise it’s like you forgot she existed.
If you didn’t want to wake her, that’s OK. You tell her that only IF she complains about the cold food when she wakes up.
My wife is a great cook. Mine is and will remain utilitarian. But I have (finally) learned that it is 100% more appreciated to have dinner ready if I’m home before her. And NOT to call her and ask what she wants. It’s not just the timing, or the quality of the meal, but the relief from having to decide “what’s for dinner.”
I thought she got mad you cooked, but you deliberately misstated it. She was mad because you intentionally made no food for her, passive-aggresssively, while feeding yourself and also her nephew. Of course, YTA, you agreed to cook, which means for everyone, even if they are asleep. Clearly you are very pissed she slept. Get over it. Use your words, adult person. If you are mad she slept, and you clearly obviously are, you say that, not starve her, like the asshole you are. Of course she’s still mad about this, you have not apologized. Make dinner or not, but please, grow the fuck up.
YTA – it shouldn’t be that hard to put food in a refrigerator
My S/O is a highly trained and qualified chef. They take food safety very seriously. They’ve never had a problem with cooking and leaving food for me. What were you cooking which could not have been allowed to go cold and be reheated?
can you not just say sorry?
Why wouldn’t you make enough for her to eat when she woke up?
NTA.. could you have made her a plate and put it in the fridge, sure. Does that mean she is justified in acting like a child over this? not in my opinion. I get this can be upsetting in the moment, but it doesn’t seem intentional and it seems he let her sleep based on his knowledge of her dislike of being woken up. The fact he immediately tried to remedy that by offering to make her something and she is still holding this over his head 7 days later is not healthy.
Nta,
You need to communicate with your partner that if they are going to be negative when being woken up, then they will be left to sleep as you will not accept mistreatment for being tired. Just because you’re tired or not feeling well or are having a bad day doesn’t mean you get to mistreat people. Also, it doesn’t matter how good her cooking is. You treat people right always. Your partner can get better at waking up or will be left out of any activities, including food.
ETA. This is stupid.
YTA..freshly cooked food when kept in the refrigerator for a few hours do not spoil. Have you never had leftovers? So, I honestly don’t understand your comment about food safety. She was in the house, you were cooking..you should have cooked enough for all three.
This is a weird thing to be mad about. She sounds pretty toxic. In several ways.
ESH.
Why couldn’t you make some for her and put it in the fridge?
Why is she still ticked off about this seven days later?
You two need to have a conversation about feelings and expectations.
It’s not normal to be angry about being woken up, and then conversely about not being woken up. It’s also not normal to make dinner for yourself and not make a little extra for your partner who is in the next room (and who also happens to be feeling ill at that moment).
NTA. I hate reheated food. And it sounds like she as well likes food fresh. My boyfriend would have let me sleep and offered to make food later as well.
Info: are we sure she wouldn’t want to be woken up for food? I only ask because my husband has specifically told me, even if he’s sleeping, if I’m making dinner that is a priority over sleep for him.
YTA for cooking dinner and not making any for her. Put it in the fridge if she’s still asleep.
Ultimately, NTA. Any adult (unless they are sick or have a physical reason they cannot) should make their own meals. That said, it would have been nice if you had made her something. It’s one thing if you made sandwiches. They’re best fresh, she was asleep, you didn’t make her one, fine. But if you made something that needed to be cooked, if I was in your shoes, I would have made enough for the three of you, and/or for leftovers. You could have put that in a container to be refrigerated for her to reheat later; and if she chose not to eat it, you’d have leftovers for another day.
yta, why not just make extra and refrigerate it?
ESH –
You should have made enough for her to reheat when she woke up. “I take food safety very seriously” is a bs excuse and you know it (and proved it by saying you would eat pizza left in a microwave). We are talking maybe a few hours for her to finish her nap, not overnight or days.
7 days and she is still mad? There is more to it than you not cooking for her while cooking for yourself and her nephew. If she is sticking to the story that this is all her grudge is about, she needs help because that’s not healthy. And this is coming from a major grudge holder LOL. But at least the grudges I hold are for serious transgressions.
YTA for not making extra so theres leftovers. “Yes, she’s still mad” because it feels inconsiderate of you to now make more of something for her. I read your “she likes fresh food” – it just honestly feels like you were trying to find excuses to not make her food at all
This also feels AI generated so who knows if this is real
She wasn’t fleeing well and went to bed. Why didn’t you make her something? Since you were literally making the nephew something that you offered to make?
And she while I’ll helped in the garage also.
How much harder would it have been to make some extra fire her in case she wanted it?
Do you think it’s only her job to cook for you and you can’t do it in return?
You say your spoiled… But seems you have no gratitude for the privilege of being spoiled.
Food can be reheated
Did you just not make her something because you dont think it’s your job?
Yta. The food safety device is called a refridgerator. You should have made enough for all of you.
Info, because I’m curious and no one was asking. What was it you made? Because some things can be put away easily while others can’t. Like if you made boxed Mac and cheese or sandwiches, putting them away for her would be weird. But if you made like spaghetti? That’s weirder to only make enough for two people.