I (25M) am in community college, and in one of my classes we were paired into groups for a semester-long project. One of my groupmates, “Samantha” (30F), is a mom of two young children She’s usually friendly, and at first we got along fine.
Here’s where it gets weird: the project involves making a presentation where you can choose a “theme” or an angle to present your research through. Samantha wanted to make our entire project themed around parenting struggles. Not just that, but she suggested we include photos in the slides and even list their names as “junior contributors” because “they inspired her work.”
I told her flat out no. First off, it felt unprofessional , this is supposed to be an academic project, not a family scrapbook. Second, I didn’t want to be associated with putting their names and faces into something that’s going to be submitted, graded, and possibly kept by the department. It just felt…off.
She got annoyed and said I was being “cold” and that I don’t understand what it’s like to juggle parenthood and school. She argued that her children are her motivation and including them makes her work authentic. I said that’s fine for her own essays, but in a group project we all have to be comfortable with what goes on the slides.
Now she’s been distant and basically implying I was disrespectful toward her as a mom.
AITA for refusing to let my classmate insert her kids into our group project?
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I (25M) am in community college, and in one of my classes we were paired into groups for a semester-long project. One of my groupmates, “Samantha” (30F), is a mom of two young children She’s usually friendly, and at first we got along fine.
Here’s where it gets weird: the project involves making a presentation where you can choose a “theme” or an angle to present your research through. Samantha wanted to make our entire project themed around parenting struggles. Not just that, but she suggested we include photos in the slides and even list their names as “junior contributors” because “they inspired her work.”
I told her flat out no. First off, it felt unprofessional , this is supposed to be an academic project, not a family scrapbook. Second, I didn’t want to be associated with putting their names and faces into something that’s going to be submitted, graded, and possibly kept by the department. It just felt…off.
She got annoyed and said I was being “cold” and that I don’t understand what it’s like to juggle parenthood and school. She argued that her children are her motivation and including them makes her work authentic. I said that’s fine for her own essays, but in a group project we all have to be comfortable with what goes on the slides.
Now she’s been distant and basically implying I was disrespectful toward her as a mom.
AITA for refusing to let my classmate insert her kids into our group project?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) Refused to let groupmate center her idea for our project 2.) It’s possible i was being cold
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Info: Did you decide/agree on a topic for the project? If so, what is it?
NTA and I would ask if you can both have partners more in tune with each other.
NTA
Did you agree to the parenting struggle theme?
If yes, then I think you need to rethink the concept if you don’t want to utilize the primary inspiration as part of your project. I can understand not wanting to go with the “junior contributors” thing if you think it’s cheezy not cute.
If no, then I think you’re probably focusing on the wrong part of this for this post. It should probably be about wanting a theme that speaks to you both as authors of this project, not just a onesided input from her parent perspective and you just being along for the ride?
NTA: “You don’t understand what it’s like to juggle parenthood and school” – So, logically speaking, why would she expect you to do a presentation themed around parenting struggles?
I got my masters in math and had some math education courses. It’s surprisingly common for people to do this, especially if they are direct inspiration or some part of the project. NTA for not wanting them in the project if it doesn’t pertain to the topic but YTA if you stand on leaving them out just because you think it’s annoying.
INFO – you say ‘paired’ and ‘one of your groupmates’ – how many in the group? If there are others, what do they think? Have you consulted with the teacher about this?
I agree with you – and would reinforce by pointing out that her children have not consented to have their privacy breached in this way and are incapable of consent so should not have their personal information disclosed in this manner.
NTA. She needs to learn that whatever came out of her vagina has no relevance in school or work. You’re providing her with her first lesson.
You should suggest the following:
You each suggest 3 themes.
You each get to “veto” 2 of the other person’s themes.
The last 2 go into a hat for drawing 1.
In other words, discuss the system of selection rather than the quality of her suggestion.
NTA 1. Group project everyone gets a say 2. Definitely is weird and unprofessional 3. Shoulda got a degree before no condom or atleast have a man with a better pull out game.
NTA everything you said regarding g appropriateness of the topic for a group project is correct. She can center whatever independent projects she wants around her family.
You may need to suggest to the professor that you two don’t get paired again. You don’t need to go into details, but note that there’s a fundamental difference in what you each feel are appropriate topics for group work.
Unless this is a course on Early Childhood Education, no way. NTA. The theme should be something that is applicable to the course and ALL members of the group.
Holy hell, I hated group projects in school. All I ever learned is that it is very rare to have group members who contribute. I don’t think I am wrong in suspecting that Samantha will be the group member who misses the deadlines and doesn’t complete her portions of the project because nobody else knows how hard it is to be a mom in school.
Most definitely NTA. But your partner definitely is.