I (22f) told my (14f) sister some information about her deceased father, and now our mom is mad at me. My sister’s dad passed away last year, and she was recently asking me some questions about him. To be more specific, she wanted to know why our mom and him had a falling out in 2016. I proceeded to tell her the truth, which was rather unpleasant and painted him in an unflattering light. The information involved him trying to meet up with people on Craigslist to engage in sex acts behind the local Play It Again Sports. Upon hearing what I had divulged, my mother told me she was disappointed in me, and told me there was no excuse for telling my little sister the nasty details. It’s the next day now, and she is still upset with me. AITA for telling my sister the truth?
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I (22f) told my (14f) sister some information about her deceased father, and now our mom is mad at me. My sister’s dad passed away last year, and she was recently asking me some questions about him. To be more specific, she wanted to know why our mom and him had a falling out in 2016. I proceeded to tell her the truth, which was rather unpleasant and painted him in an unflattering light. The information involved him trying to meet up with people on Craigslist to engage in sex acts behind the local Play It Again Sports. Upon hearing what I had divulged, my mother told me she was disappointed in me, and told me there was no excuse for telling my little sister the nasty details. It’s the next day now, and she is still upset with me. AITA for telling my sister the truth?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister sensitive and upsetting information about her recently deceased father when I could have lied and kept it to myself, when she was going through a hard time. For this reason, in addition to how this made my mom angry, I’ve started to think maybe I am the AH.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
you shouldnt have, some things you need to think if it needs to be said, do they need to know? if not, dont tell them if it makes them worse off than you not telling them
YTA. No need for that level of detail. The most you should have told her was that he was unfaithful and honestly that’s best left to your mom.
I think you need to think about what was your personal reason for telling her. Because you definitely did not do it for her own good.
YTA, you could have framed it so many other ways than what you did.
YTA. What did you think giving her, a 14 year old literal child, the nitty-gritty details would gain you? You want her to loath her Dad? Give up all good memories? You want your sister to suffer? I mean, Dad is dead, it’s not like you are hurting him. You should have told her to talk to your Mom because it wasn’t appropriate for you to discuss it with her. Or that you would give her more info when she was 18, if she still hadn’t gotten satisfactory answers from Mom.
YTA. That wasn’t your story to tell – and especially to a 14 year old child.
YTA. She didn’t need to know that. You shouldn’t either. Ew. It seems mean spirited that you gave her these details. Do you like her at all?
NTA. Family secrets are generally not healthy. And she’s old enough to hear the truth.
YTA. You must not like your sister very much. You intentionally hurt her with what you see as the truth without regards to her age. Not nice.
INFO: You say her deceased father, not our. So was this guy your stepdad, or at least your mother’s boyfriend?
Regardless, going into that level of detail to a fourteen year old was inappropriate. You could have deferred the matter to your mother, or found a more tactful way to put things.
YTA. It wasn’t your place. Apologize to your mom and mean it.
Edit: Apologize to your sister too.
Of course YTA.
NTA. She asked. You told the truth.
YTA. There was a more age appropriate way to tell her
YTA. You have no idea the damage you just caused your sister and mom
YTA…It was not your place to tell a 14 year old details about her fathers sex life and her parents relationship issues. When she asked you about it you should have told her to talk to Mom. What were you hoping to accomplish by sharing this information?
NTA. Doesn’t matter that she’s 14 or that what he did wasn’t flattering–I genuinely think it was better for her to hear the TRUTH from a trusted family member than to suddenly find out on her own, and to possibly find out she was lied to.
Not Play It Again Sports 😭
But YTA, she’s 14, she didn’t need to know about her dad’s solicitation
Your sister must have been 5 when they split, you should have said that she would have to ask mom. That you don’t remember, did your sister continue having a relationship with her father after they split?
YTA. What was in it for your sister? “Ask mom,” is almost always the right answer to these questions until the younger sibling hits 18.
Could go either way really. Did she need to know the truth. Absolutely. Could it have been handled better….absolutely
NTA- an uncomfortable truth is better than a pretty lie. People can be multitudes- both a bad partner and a, separately, good father. As long as it was told in an age appropriate way, I don’t think you’re wrong. If she trusted your mother to tell her the truth, she perhaps would have gone to her instead. She’s 14- that’s old enough to understand what he did wrong. By 14, they know about sex. And they know about boundaries in relationships. Your mother may have wanted to hide the truth, but it affected all of you, not just her. She’s allowed to feel hurt about the reminder of his infidelity and also the loss of him, AND you are allowed to speak the truth. Family secrets rarely work out well in the long run.