Okay quick background:
My roommate and I share a small two bedroom, it has a washer but not a dryer so we dry our clothes on a laundry rack in the living room. I leave all my clothes on the drying rack, NOT JUST MY BRAS. I have very large tits, and my roommate does not. This SHOULD NOT MATTER, all bodies are beautiful, but she’s making a big deal about it so I feel it’s necessary to mention.
Anyhow, she has a guy over the other night. It’s there third date, it’s his first time to our place. I wasn’t home, I went out with friends, but I left my clothes out on the drying rack. I get a text from her at 3 AM saying “wtf, way to ruin my date”.
I’m confused as hell. Eventually we talk, and she explains that the guy kept making jokes about my bras and asked about them a few times throughout the night. She, somehow, is mad at me for all this.
My feeling is that that guy is a piece of shit and clearly not worth her time. She, on the other hand, is still mad at me over this and is trying to get me to hang my bras in my room. Which I don’t want to do because A. It’s weird and B. I don’t have any extra space in my room that isn’t for my already dry clothes.
What do I do, I’m the type to just comply but I feel like this is more an issue with the guy than me.
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Okay quick background:
My roommate and I share a small two bedroom, it has a washer but not a dryer so we dry our clothes on a laundry rack in the living room. I leave all my clothes on the drying rack, NOT JUST MY BRAS. I have very large tits, and my roommate does not. This SHOULD NOT MATTER, all bodies are beautiful, but she’s making a big deal about it so I feel it’s necessary to mention.
Anyhow, she has a guy over the other night. It’s there third date, it’s his first time to our place. I wasn’t home, I went out with friends, but I left my clothes out on the drying rack. I get a text from her at 3 AM saying “wtf, way to ruin my date”.
I’m confused as hell. Eventually we talk, and she explains that the guy kept making jokes about my bras and asked about them a few times throughout the night. She, somehow, is mad at me for all this.
My feeling is that that guy is a piece of shit and clearly not worth her time. She, on the other hand, is still mad at me over this and is trying to get me to hang my bras in my room. Which I don’t want to do because A. It’s weird and B. I don’t have any extra space in my room that isn’t for my already dry clothes.
What do I do, I’m the type to just comply but I feel like this is more an issue with the guy than me.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I left my clothes and underwear out on our shared drying rack to dry while my roommates boyfriend came over. I might be the asshole because I should just go along with it so as not to cause trouble and it really isn’t a big deal anyway but for some reason I’m standing my ground.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your shared practice is to dry your clothes on this laundry rack. Bras are clothes. You did nothing wrong. If she doesn’t like the idea of laundry hanging out in the living room she should invest in a dryer.
NTA, she’s mad at the wrong person here.
If she’s going to bring a guy home and doesn’t want him to see the laundry drying, she can put the laundry away somewhere before he comes. This is not your problem.
Put the drying rack in your bedroom.
NTA. She’s ridiculous lol. How dare you dry your own clothes in the place where you dry clothes in your own home! 🙄
NTA she’s just jelly; be petty and ask her for his number
NTA. Your reasoning is sound. If there is a problem, it is his. Why just bras? & not panties? Why not her bras? It’s not his place to make jokes or other comments anyway. I would take this reasoning even farther–you did not ruin her date; he did. And I think you should educate her to that point of view, and then she should educate him about it. Don’t second guess yourself, and don’t just comply.
NTA Try find a way to put your bras to dry in your room.
NTA. Your roommate will soon discover that plenty of women have big boobs. These women with big boobs have not grown them with the intention of upsetting small boobs women. Lastly, big boob women have a right to a bra that fits them and that they do proper wash instructions, which is always air dry and never put a bra in a dryer.
NTA your roommate is insecure because her date’s jokes clearly had an undertone to them, and instead of recognizing that he is not worth her time because of how interested he was in your under clothes, even though he had her attention all to himself, she is blaming you. Are these requests going to escalate if she keeps seeing him? Are you going to be asked to wear potato sack like clothing if you’re ever in the same room as him so that he won’t be distracted by your much bigger boobs (even if you aren’t showing cleavage)?
NTA. The guy is being creepy and immature. She’s directing her anger at the wrong person and honestly should be grateful she found out he was a pervert so soon.
If you want more privacy, though, and your room doesn’t have space for a drying rack, you could tie a sturdy string across your ceiling (e.g., tie one end to the curtain rod on your window and the other end to the clothes rod in your closet) and use that to hang clothes on.
NTA. Roomie needs to find a guy with the mental and emotional age of an adult. You didn’t do anything wrong, she’s just projecting her unhappiness on to you.
Hang your clothes on the drying rack until they dry and then put them away. If this is the place you have jointly decided to put the drying rack, then it is what it is. If she is bothered by it being in the common area while she has a date over, tell her she is welcome to put the rack in her room. No pun intended.
It’s weird to hang dry them in your room but not to hang dry an undergarment in the living room where anyone coming over can see it? That’s weird to me.
Personally I hang dry all of my bras because I feel it helps them keep their shape better and last longer. I have no drying rack, just the knobs on my dresser.
Dude sucks because commenting on your dates’ roommates’ bras is just uncalled for and kinda immature. Roommate sucks because she shouldn’t be blaming you for his behavior. And you do kinda suck because there are simple compromises that can be made but instead of talking you’re fighting with her about it. Both of you either A) only use the drying rack for bras when company is not coming over or B) hang dry them in your own rooms.
You’re living with another person. Issues are going to come up but there will be no solutions if you fight instead of talk.
I’m willing to bet she’s so upset right now because while yes size difference shouldn’t matter he probably made her feel embarrassed and insecure in herself. Or stroked some deep insecurity she already had. You could have simply told her you can see that his comments really upset her and you understand where she’s coming from but would like to discuss the matter in the morning after you both got some rest.
NTA Her date is immature and an idiot. You did her a favor helping her find this out before she spent too much time on him. Your roommate also needs to grow up. She sounds like the type that would blame the other woman if her boyfriend cheated on her. I personally have no time for women who hate other women because they’re so desperate for a man. Tell her to put on her big girl panties and find an ADULT to have a relationship with. She’ll be much happier with an adult man with some manners and common sense. Jesus. What kind of baby-man makes a big deal out of seeing another woman’s bras while on a date with a woman he barely knows? Huge red flag.
YTA. the guy is immature but she probably was trying to feel sexy around this guy and the comparison would really put a damper on the evening. I think it would be courteous to dry your bras in your room. I am large busted but I know it is uncomfortable for smaller busted to have to look at them. Put them on a wooden hanger over a door or chair back.
I think you have a couple choices. One, compromise and let her do your laundry so she controls the narrative.
Second option is you get some really large underpants, maybe with holes and stains, and put them out with the bras to balance things out
If she was going to have someone come over, she could have moved the drying rack to your room while you were out. He’s the childish one that is commenting on clothing pieces, and she should have told him off the first time he said something. You’re NTA for leaving your items out to dry.
What about putting the drying rack in the bathtub? That way it isn’t in the living room and you can close the curtain when company comes over.
It is 100% the guy. Like why would he keep commenting on his dates roommate’s bras? You also pay for that space so you can of course hang your stuff up to dry in the laundry spot you pay for. Also, I am unsure why she has such a problem with it. Women’s bodies come in so many different shapes and proportions.
Does she leave any of her undergarments out to dry too? Also, NTA.
NTA—the guy was a definitely worthless, and your roommate needs to grow up
NTA
Your roommate is just like every girl out there who gets irritated at the girl that her boyfriend was checking out in front of her instead of getting mad at the guy.
She’s insecure. She’ll get over it.
Tell her in the future, if she doesn’t want guests seeing y’all’s laundry, she can give you 48hrs notice that someone will be over and you will do your best to plan accordingly. She’s right to feel like she doesn’t want undergarments decorating the living space when guests are over, but she needs to give you a proper heads up. Her being this upset about her poor planning is her problem, not yours.
NTA. If he can’t handle women and their breasts come in different sizes she’s better off without him.
I always dry my bras on the shower curtain rod. A drying rack seems pretty tame in comparison.
If your roomie was worried, she could have rushed home and moved them prior to the date.
She’s mad at him, but taking it out on you.
NTA. The guy is the problem as well as your roommate. The fact that he kept making comments about something so simple like a bra is immature and just weird. If I brought a guy over and he said that, it be an immediate red flag for me. Just a weird comment to make especially since he did it multiple times.
She is wrong for blaming you for something that isn’t your fault. It’s your house too. You’re allowed to feel comfortable and safe just like her. If she wanted to keep that stuff private from the guy she’s seeing, she should’ve mentioned that beforehand. It’s not your fault.
You’re weird for thinking drying YOUR bras in YOUR room is weird.
YTA. Why are you drying any underwear in the lounge room? How big are the bras that they won’t “fit” into your room? How many do you wash at a time?
Now is the age when it’s easy to be terribly and irrationally embarassed. Her date was juvenile but she was genuinely embarrassed. Possibly he was, too. I don’t understand why your room mate didn’t either fold the rack with the clothes on it, and move it to another room, or even quickly gather everything off it. I suspect she might have been hoping they could ignore it.
This seems such a small thing to do to get along with your roommate. It’s just straight courtesy, not people pleasing or anything like that.
NTA. Bras have to be air dried anyway so even if you had a clothes drier you would need to dry them naturally. A dude as shallow as this isn’t even worth having.
Info
Did you know she was having a date come over?
Stupid thing for her to fuss over. I’d get my own rack for my own clothes in my own room. They fold up to put away, too.
NTA, he kept asking about your bras; that’s on him
NTA
NTA, and if I were in your shoes, I’d feel pretty pissed off and a bit violated that she let a stranger come into our shared home and mock my undergarments all night. Like, what the fuck, remove this creepy weirdo.
How is it weird to dry bras in your room but not your living room?
NTA, this just exposed him for an AH before she wasted any more time on him.
It’s a damn bra ffs, she needs to get over herself, and make better choices in men!
He’s a jerk and she doesn’t want to accept that.
I hang my bras from the hanger in the closet where they live.
NTA. Is there some reason she couldn’t have placed your bras on your bed (if they were dry-ish)? If I knew I was having male company over, I certainly wouldn’t have left the community drying rack out with everyone’s unmentionables on it.
Are you two frienemies? It kinda sounds that way.
IMO, she could have mentioned to you that she was having a new guy over in order to give you an opportunity to move your undies to your bedroom.
She also could have removed your undies to your room (unless you two have an agreement to not go into the other’s room).
Actually, the options are nearly endless in how this “tragedy” could have been averted. However, I don’t find it weird to hang your bras in your room to dry. You could place them on separate hangers to dry and find a way to hang them up.
I tend to agree with you that the guy isn’t much of a gentleman.
Wishing you two the best of luck in finding a happy solution.