I feel silly even asking this at our age. How do you accept that a friendship has run its course? I’m having a really hard time accepting what’s right in front of my face, and I long for the past.
I met my friend about 10 years ago at work and we clicked right away. Neither of us have worked there in about five years, but we kept in touch and things were the same until we started to drift apart a couple of years ago. But people get busy, right? She got engaged last year and I found out on Facebook. I texted her congratulations etc. and asked her how it happened. She told me that her fiancé got all her friends together to surprise her. It was then that I was like, Oh… I wasn’t there. :’) So I was invited to the wedding a few weeks ago, and she had a very large bridal party. I mean like, 10 girls. I’ll spare you all the details, but it was obvious to me that this is her group of friends and I’m now an after thought. I haven’t even heard from her since the wedding. Going back in our texts, there is so much blue. Me doing the talking.
My partner tells me to let the pieces fall where they may, and I know in my heart what that will mean. So my question is, how do I accept this? How do I move on and heal? I hate having to admit that this friendship has fizzled out because we were so close at one point in time, and I considered her one of my best friends. This also has me questioning everything. Like, was the past even real? Did I mean as much to her as she meant to me? I just can’t get my head out of this space.
Comments
I am in this position. It’s a non linear path to acceptance and everyone needs to do it in their own way. I gave this friend many chances and when she started being callous about my achievements in life and not caring about my well being I started to drift away. She didn’t try to claw back.
I asked myself: if she moved away how would I feel? My first thought was relief
That’s when I had my answer
One of the hardest things in life to accept imo is when you realise a friend is much closer in your life than you are in theirs. It happens a lot but it hurts and I am sorry you are experiencing that.
All you can do now is match her effort going forward. Start to focus on making new friends and over time you will notice her absence less.
Has she always had a large group of close friends before she met you? Sometimes you’re just not as close to someone who already has a lot of close friends. They don’t view the friendship the same way you do.
I don’t think the friendship has run it’s course per se. You’ve been invited to the wedding even after a couple of years of drifting apart, so I think it’s clear she still values your friendship in some way.
If you still want to have her around in your life, you don’t have to give up the friendship, you can just downgrade it to spend more time with other friends who reciprocate the closeness you want. But if it gives you more peace to end it fully you do you.
Edit: for clarity