My husband did not gave me money
Had to manage diff sort of Things
He never let my accout hv enough money
He made me cry over house Exp not mine personal Exp
After 10 years
I got a job and i opened a account to save some money there so he does not take away
Will not tell
Saving penny by penny little there
Comments
That’s the first step to getting out. Best of luck to you.
Hell yeah. Props to you for doing this.
You got this! I hope you can get out!
Well done and keep going! Good luck with the future. Financial abuse is as serious as any other form of abuse but far less often discussed.
all women need to have a walk away account…
Excellent ! Congratulations!
Saving even small amounts can make a huge difference over time. You’re taking control of your finances, and that’s empowering
Proud of you, I know this is hard and I admire the bravery
Make sure they don’t mail you statements.
Make sure everything is paperless so he doesn’t see any bank mail. If he has access to your phone be careful of any bank alerts, etc.
Good for you!
That’s not a sin that’s survival. Financial control in a relationship is a form of abuse. You’re protecting yourself
The women in my family that get always get two bank accounts one him and one for her. They never share a bank account for this reason. Plus it’s easier when they get divorced.🤣🤣🤣
Use that money to take some writing classes.
why is this on r/confession you did nothing wrong.
Yea fck it I think I’m gonna do the same
Good for you!
Owning this took courage.
After ten years of financial control that left you crying over basic expenses, quietly building your own safety net makes perfect sense.
If you make amends, one honest sentence is a good place to start.
That’s called “modern slavery”.
If you file your taxes joint he will find out about the account if it earn any interest.
Keep your savings.
No partner should be controlling you with money.
Financial security IS survival. I’m so sorry you had to do this, but this is the way.
I can tell you a story. My gf 3 years ago lived with her dad and stepmother and sister. For the longest time every paycheck she gets, they take majority of it. It became so frequent she thinks its normal. Her parents both don’t work. One day I had enough, and I bought her to the bank and opened a new bank account. She is taught to budget and the most important thing is to say no.
Let’s just say they despised me,threatened to kick her out, constant arguments and temper tantrums that I was brain washing her to not give them money. They even go as far to guilt trip her that she isn’t helping with the family. Keep in mind she was paying their rent. Fast forward 4 months later. She moved out and she kept saying no every time they asked. It started to get to the point where they are getting embarrassed to ask.
Opening a bank account and start saying no and taking the steps to leave is by far the most beneficial thing she and you can do in an emotionally abusive environment.
You ok? I had a stroke reading this
Good luck to you in your divorce. Because if you aren’t mature enough to have a financial discussion with your partner your marriage weaknesses is you. You are quite selfish because he has sacrificed his paycheck for you and the home but the moment you get “yours” you steal it away. You are a horrible partner and don’t deserve love. Before the hypothetical start down voting what would you say if a man was hiding money from his wife.
I did this several months before leaving my husband. I needed to save for rent, etc. Two days after I opened this account ( at a bank that wasn’t where we usually bank at), the phone rang (2010, house phone) and I watched as my soon to be ex husband answer and act angry and confused. The bank called to see how my experience was opening my new account. They spilled this info to him INSTANTLY over the phone. He was an extremely angry, abusive, 6’4″, 275lb man. I could have been murdered that day, no exaggeration. I convinced him it was a secret account that my mom would use to save for renovations, to surprise my dad. I still shudder. Be careful and make sure the bank never does this to you.
You are not wrong, having financial independence is basic security, not betrayal.
Going through something a bit similar with my dad to where he controls/keeps watch over all my expenses, and has made himself a joint owner on all my CDs and bank/savings accounts. I’m sure his intentions are good but I don’t like the fact that if I ever spend a larger-than-usual amount of my own money, he will start interrogating me about what it was for and stuff. I kinda want to make a secret bank account except I don’t know where to start or who to ask for help. I’m also afraid I might end up doing something that might end up screwing me over like tax-wise or something.
Super proud of you. Financial abuse doesn’t get talked about enough.
Good for you!! That’s awful how he is with money with his own wife.
A “Drop Dead account” Save your pennies then when there’s enough you can tell your partner to drop dead, walk out and not have to worry. Good luck. PS this is what more women need to do.
No idea if you can get away with it, but I read once that someone would buy gift cards like $10 at grocery store visits and stockpile those.
Ten years married and no joint bank account or access to money is financial abuse. I do hope you can work through this control and be happy. My wife and I M70 have had joint accounts since married fifty years ago. She does rely on me to top up our day to day account as she has no interest in managing finances. But I get a message to put dollars in the account while she is out and she knows it will be done in seconds.
Do you two have any children? Have you had a job before?
I’m so proud of you girl you got this 👏
My mom was a similar victim. She still suffered despite eventually gain financial freedom from him. Don’t be like my mom. Leave him now.
Just get out. That’s not a relationship
If your bank has a safety deposit box , get a small one for your important documents
Yeah, my wife did this to me. Not kosher. I don’t know where you women get off thinking that it is okay to stay with your husband for months and hide money and stash it so you have a getaway plan all the while he thinks everything is good. Toxic as f*.
After being all f*** up and controlling I guess I get it but to do it as an escape plan for months or years ahead of time just to have a plan B is super f***** up