I have shared a house with my friend for over 15 years. She recently sold her house and bought a big new one. She wants me to pay half the house payment as well as utilities. I told her I would, even though the house payment is $1500 month and I am not on the loan or title. It’s a nice place and she does the cleaning and yard work. I help her out whenever she asks, but mostly she doesn’t ask.
So we had a problem recently when she wanted to host her adult children at the house. I have a major problem with her daughter. In January she had a psychotic break and ended up in the hospital. She was acting crazy and manipulative and did some unforgivable things like putting a cord around my neck like she was going to choke me. She has never apologized or taken responsibility for what she did. I have major ptsd over the whole thing, saw a shrink and went on meds, the whole nine yards. Before that I called her my sister and gave her countless hours of my time. Now I am majorly triggered by any mention of her and cannot be in the same space with her. Staying in my room while she is in the house is not an option.
I agreed that I would go somewhere else during the holidays when my roommate has her family over. But now she asked me to leave so her son and daughter can come over. They are in town due to a relative passing away. I feel like it’s not the holidays, I am paying to live here and should not be inconvenienced to go somewhere else. If she wants to get together with her kids, she can do it somewhere else like her mothers. She claims her mother gets stressed out hosting a houseful of people and has not been feeling well. She wants me to go to her mothers instead. She is accusing me of coming between a mother and daughter and feels like it is her house even though I live here and she should be able to invite her daughter over if she wants to. Who is the asshole?
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I have shared a house with my friend for over 20 years. She recently sold her house and bought a big new one. She wants me to pay half the house payment as well as utilities. I told her I would, even though the house payment is $1500 month and I am not on the loan or title. It’s a nice place and she does the cleaning and yard work. I help her out whenever she asks, but mostly she doesn’t ask.
So we had a problem recently when she wanted to host her adult children at the house. I have a major problem with her daughter. In January she had a psychotic break and ended up in the hospital. She was acting crazy and manipulative and did some unforgivable things like putting a cord around my neck like she was going to choke me. She has never apologized or taken responsibility for what she did. I have major ptsd over the whole thing, saw a shrink and went on meds, the whole nine yards. Before that I called her my sister and gave her countless hours of my time. Now I am majorly triggered by any mention of her and cannot be in the same space with her. Staying in my room while she is in the house is not an option.
I agreed that I would go somewhere else during the holidays when my roommate has her family over. But now she asked me to leave so her son and daughter can come over. They are in town due to a relative passing away. I feel like it’s not the holidays, I am paying to live here and should not be inconvenienced to go somewhere else. If she wants to get together with her kids, she can do it somewhere else like her mothers. She claims her mother gets stressed out hosting a houseful of people and has not been feeling well. She wants me to go to her mothers instead. She is accusing me of coming between a mother and daughter and feels like it is her house even though I live here and she should be able to invite her daughter over if she wants to. Who is the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I refused to allow my roommate to have her adult kids over (2) It’s her house, not mine.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. Her kids will come first. This is an insane situation for you to move into.
YTA You’re a tenant and your landlord can invite guests to visit their property. If you find the arrangement untenable, consider alternative living arrangements.
Find a new home, this scenario is never going to work – shes using you to pay her mortgage
You need to apologize to your friend and explain that the housing arrangement will not work as you cannot come between her and her (dangerous) daughter. Look for other living arrangements
YTA. Mostly to yourself. Why would you move somewhere that you’d be exposed to the woman who assaulted you? Why are you paying a mortgage for a house you’re not on the title of? Why do you think your landlord (not roommate) is going to let you dictate who can be in her home? You need to move out asap. Under no circumstances should you be in the home when her daughter is there (in case daughter shows up before you can move out).
NAH.You’re paying half the mortgage and deserve to feel safe in your own home, especially after what her daughter did ; that trauma isn’t something you can just brush off. At the same time, it’s her house, she’s grieving with her kids, and it’s understandable she wants them around for support.
The real issue is that your arrangement blurs the line between tenant, co-owner, and roommate. Both of you have valid needs, but they’re incompatible. Long-term, you’ll need clear rules or a different living situation, because this tension isn’t going away.
YTA, but to yourself. You shouldn’t have been in this situation in the first place. Leave that place ASAP.
Sure. Credit me back this month’s rent and utilities.
If she purchased the bigger house with the agreement you would be responsible for half the mortgage be prepared to have the friendship end if you do decide to move out. Be grateful you have no binding lease that ties you to living there. She will always prioritize her children over you and will expect you to vacate on demand.