I’m very lost on what to do here, so I guess this is also a post asking for advice? My friend(m24) and his girlfriend(f23) have recently broken up and he has been staying at my(m23) apartment. I’ve always been very close with the both of them, either hanging out as a group or one on one. Honestly it was his fault for the breakup since he had cheated, so it’s a pretty shitty situation. However, me and his girlfriend have been hanging out and recently I’ve felt feeling develop. I’ve never had any sort of thoughts of her this way before so I’m not quite sure where this came from. I’ve had a hard time “falling in love” with people since my last relationship because it was an abusive relationship, and I finally have that feeling I have been searching for since. The only issue is, of course, this could never happen with her. My friend honestly has not been that great of a friend, and I had recently found out he was talking behind my back. He also admitted recently to texting one of my exes while we broke up. If he wasn’t staying with me I would have stopped talking to him by now because of course I don’t condone cheating especially on one of my close friends, and I wouldn’t want someone who doesn’t like me at my apartment! I’m not quite sure what to do, and I know these feelings I have are very wrong but it’s been a feeling I’ve waited so long to have again. Is it my fault for thinking this or should I just match the level of respect he has for me?
EDIT: I should have added this to begin with but i didn’t know of him cheating until after he had moved in with me. His girlfriend had messaged me the day they broke up asking if i could pick him up and let him stay at my place for a little bit. I also didnt know about the things he had said behind my back until after he was always moved in. Probably should have clarified this first😬
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I’m very lost on what to do here, so I guess this is also a post asking for advice? My friend(m24) and his girlfriend(f23) have recently broken up and he has been staying at my(m23) apartment. I’ve always been very close with the both of them, either hanging out as a group or one on one. Honestly it was his fault for the breakup since he had cheated, so it’s a pretty shitty situation. However, me and his girlfriend have been hanging out and recently I’ve felt feeling develop. I’ve never had any sort of thoughts of her this way before so I’m not quite sure where this came from. I’ve had a hard time “falling in love” with people since my last relationship because it was an abusive relationship, and I finally have that feeling I have been searching for since. The only issue is, of course, this could never happen with her. My friend honestly has not been that great of a friend, and I had recently found out he was talking behind my back. He also admitted recently to texting one of my exes while we broke up. If he wasn’t staying with me I would have stopped talking to him by now because of course I don’t condone cheating especially on one of my close friends, and I wouldn’t want someone who doesn’t like me at my apartment! I’m not quite sure what to do, and I know these feelings I have are very wrong but it’s been a feeling I’ve waited so long to have again. Is it my fault for thinking this or should I just match the level of respect he has for me?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I have feelings for my friends ex girlfriend
2. That would be a rude thing to do to my friends ex girlfriend
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Honestly, the devil on my shoulder wants you to match his energy. He is clearly not a good boyfriend or friend. He should find his own place, you don’t need that in your life.
INFO: His ex-girlfriend…. Do you know if she has feelings for you as well? Is it worth exploring?
Send it! Hurry, before you can’t.
“In the end, nothing mattered” – Albert Camus
NTA, kick him out and go be happy.
I think his ex is trying to get revenge on him by approaching you precisely because you are his friend and know that this will hurt him, she is just using you, when she gets what she wants she will move away from you too, stay away from trouble and especially your “friend”, this will all generate a huge and unnecessary fight.
Не мальчик все норм
I dunno man, you should be very slow and cautious I think. Maybe there is a small chance that both of you are very compatible and she has the same feelings for you, in which case great, but there could be many other things at play here. Like are you sure you actually like her or it just so happens you spent a lot of time with her, also does she actually like you or are you just a rebound. I would suggest be a good friend with her, keep observing and also continue focusing on your own stuff. If it’s meant to happen it’ll just happen
You sound like you’re searching for justification to do something you know you shouldn’t do.
ESH. You’re not friends with either of them really so just do you
Nta. Give him a timeline to move out. This guy seems toxic
NTA but make sure she has those feelings too before you ruin that friendship
First, your “friend” is not a friend. He cheated, he talked you down. He’s likely mooching off you. But really you owe him nothing and would probably be better off moving him on both in terms of living arrangements and friendship asap.
Second and separately, pursuing his ex is risky. I mean by that I don’t think you should care about him. But she is likely to be vulnerable at present and it sounds like you are too. Pursuing your feelings could implode your friendship. But it could also be the start of an amazing relationship. Sit with your feelings a bit and see if they calm down or intensify? And if you make a move, do it gently and with understanding that she may not be in the right place until later. Ultimately though, if you keep feeling as you do or more so, you should at least talk to her about those feelings.
shit like this cannot be real posts, it starts believable then just piles on bullshit to the point it just looks ridiculous to come here and ask. “oh is it ok to fall in love with my friends ex? I mean he cheated on her and he talks about me behind my back and he was never a good friend and he talks to MY ex plus i dont even wanna be his friend. But idk guys is it ok? am I the asshole”
If you really feel like he isn’t a good friend which he doesn’t sound like and he is a cheater, then give him a deadline to get out. You can either be clear that you don’t want to see him anymore or just get him out and be busy/ghost him. Then just keep hanging with the girl and just do what feels right. If she feels the same then congratulations but if not just stay friends or not ? Up to you
Did you know he cheated on her when you let him move in?
Kick his ungrateful cheating ass to the curb and find out if his ex has feelings for you. If she does well let karma takes it course and ask her out.
Listen mate, first off, I don’t see how any feelings you have for this girl are wrong. He made it obvious that dating exes is fine. I know he hasn’t literally dated but just talked to your ex but let’s be real here, if he can make a move, why couldn’t you?
Secondly, he should find his own place. Tell him as such, this arrangement isn’t working out, and be open with him with why it’s not working out. He’s not been a great friend, and you’ve developed feelings for his ex/your friend. Clearly, this friendship is doing you no good.
And finally, be open with the girl about your feelings. Beating yourself up about it is not doing you any good. The situation is as is. Not much to do.
YTA – with friends like this, who needs enemies? Try not think with your d ick for a few mins and think, is she trying to get back at her ex by screwing you?
Do u want her or do u want the thought of her? Is there part of you that thinks this is ok cos your friend was texting your ex? How does she feel? I’m not sure if it’s a good idea but u seem ready to cut this guy loose anyway. If you wouldn’t miss him from your life and if she feels the same as u, then I guess it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I think find out about her tho, what she feels about u. She might not want a relationship or is maybe just healing still.
ESH Thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all independent of each other. Your feelings do not dictate for you to do anything. You know it’s wrong so don’t do it.
NTA. This bloke is not your friend. Best kick him out and start dating that young lady, but keep the relationship a secret at first if necessary.