I’m 21F and still live at home while finishing school and working part time. My parents are really strict with me. If I go out, I have to answer a bunch of questions about where I’m going, who I’ll be with, and exactly when I’ll be home. If I’m even a little late, I get texts, calls, and a lecture waiting for me.
Meanwhile, my younger brother is 18 and he basically does whatever he wants. He stays out all night, doesn’t check in, sometimes skips classes, and my parents just laugh it off like it’s nothing.
Last weekend I was invited to a friend’s birthday. I knew if I asked, I’d get grilled with questions and probably told not to go, so I just left without saying anything. I came back late and my parents completely lost it. They yelled at me, said I disrespected them, and actually told me I was grounded. At 21.
I snapped and told them they only try to control me because I’m their daughter, while my brother gets away with everything. Then I packed a bag and went to stay with a friend for two nights. My parents blew up my phone, saying I embarrassed them and humiliated the family. Now they say I can’t “come back properly” until I apologize.
I feel guilty for sneaking out and maybe scaring them, but at the same time I feel like I had no choice if I ever want to be treated like an adult.
So, AITA for walking out and staying at a friend’s instead of accepting being grounded at 21?
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I’m 21F and still live at home while finishing school and working part time. My parents are really strict with me. If I go out, I have to answer a bunch of questions about where I’m going, who I’ll be with, and exactly when I’ll be home. If I’m even a little late, I get texts, calls, and a lecture waiting for me.
Meanwhile, my younger brother is 18 and he basically does whatever he wants. He stays out all night, doesn’t check in, sometimes skips classes, and my parents just laugh it off like it’s nothing.
Last weekend I was invited to a friend’s birthday. I knew if I asked, I’d get grilled with questions and probably told not to go, so I just left without saying anything. I came back late and my parents completely lost it. They yelled at me, said I disrespected them, and actually told me I was grounded. At 21.
I snapped and told them they only try to control me because I’m their daughter, while my brother gets away with everything. Then I packed a bag and went to stay with a friend for two nights. My parents blew up my phone, saying I embarrassed them and humiliated the family. Now they say I can’t “come back properly” until I apologize.
I feel guilty for sneaking out and maybe scaring them, but at the same time I feel like I had no choice if I ever want to be treated like an adult.
So, AITA for walking out and staying at a friend’s instead of accepting being grounded at 21?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I snuck out, lied to my parents, and left the house without telling them, which scared and embarrassed them.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Wherever you live there will be rules to live there. If you want to live there then you follow the rules which have been set. If you don’t want to follow the rules then find somewhere else to live.
I’ll go with ESH. I agree that at 21 you shouldn’t really need to worry about being grounded. However, you knew the rules and willingly broke them. You need to decide whether you want to fall in line or live elsewhere.
NTA, you are grown adult… like wtf are your parents trying to do? Control you and your future prtner? Your future kids? … Did you think about going low/no contact with them in future?
Why do you feel guilty YOU ARE 21.
Your parents are controlling disgusting sexist pigs. You need to make it a life goal to disrespect them as much as possible.
NTA. Also just don’t come back . clearly they are going to keep being controlling
NTA
NTA, you shouldn’t feel guilty for sneaking out, you’re a grown adult there’s no reason for them to treat you like that and punish you like you’re an immature child and not treat your brother the same way
NTA and you aren’t sneaking out you are 21 meaning an adult who can leave whenever they want and don’t have to answer questions. Sneaking out only applies if you are under 18.
NTA. You are 21 years old still being treated like you’re 16. Why do they never do the same with your brother? Is he their favorite child?
I would just find a friend to become roommates with and remove yourself from the whole situation. There is no reason for you to be grilled with questions and grounded for not wanting to be dictated and for your brother to be able to do whatever he wants without consequence
NTA. You are 21 and having to SNEAK out, that’s not fair on you at all. The day I turned 18 my dad told me I didn’t have a curfew but asked me to be quiet when I came in and usually liked a rough idea on time but was very flexible. Every family is different but I definitely think they are pushing it, trying to control you still at 21. When will it stop. You need to move out as soon as you can and set firm boundaries
NTA. Lol grounded at 21, more like flying out soon
NTA. It seems as if you need to move out of their home, completely. That is the only way that they will accept that you’re an adult and not subject to their discipline.
Move out and problem is solved
NTA
You really need to find a permanent place to live.
You say you work part time while being at school. Do your parents fund your education? Can you survive + continue studying with the money you earn and have saved so far? If yes, you have the option of moving out right away.
If not, sounds like you’ll have to apologize, keep your head down until you finish school and then move out for good and go NC with them as a bonus.
Don’t get me wrong, I feel for you and the situation you are in. But sometimes you have to focus more on not getting mad but getting even. NTA
That’s a bit cray cray. No you are not the AH and yes they are very much in the wrong. Caring for your daughter a bit more than your son is a noble thing to do in today’s world, especially when it comes to outings and stuff. But they are wayyyy past that. It’s just sexist and controlling atp…. if it’s within your ability, leave and dont come back
NTA at all. If they aren’t reasonable then you can’t use reason. You have to use actions instead. Nothing changes without action on your part.
Since they don’t want anything to change they’re going to do whatever they can to keep you under their thumb. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong. But at the same time you do have to play the long game to make sure you have a place to live until you have the money to live on your own
Well, at age 21 that means you can be self sufficient. Maybe your friend or even a grandparent will let you live with them while you save for the first and last month’s rent plus security and utility deposit.
If they were paying for your car’s insurance and license plates they’ll feel like they own it. That is, if you have a car; you might not need one living in a big city.
Make sure your accounts at the bank are in your name only. If not, close them and reopen them AT A DIFFERENT BANK. One where your parents don’t have an account. Also check, then freeze, your credit accounts so they can’t make a mess of your credit scores.
By age 21 you should have a few things figured out by now. What do you want to be? Figure that out then make a plan to acquire it, if you haven’t already. Don’t let them ruin your life. Go no contact. Good luck.
Nta. Please dont go back to the hypocrisy. It you can live elsewhere, for your sanity,please do
Are your parents funding your education? How much longer do you need to finish? And do you make enough money parttime to finish you education while paying for a place to stay, phone, food, clothes etc?
If you cannot afford to pay for everything youself, do you think you can just stick it out with your parents until you van leave?
I agree with the other commenters that you should leave, but I would advise you to carefully weigh your options here before burning all bridges. You can always do that later when you have an education and a job/possibly a career to fund youself with.
So don’t go back, properly or otherwise. You’re an adult but they will clearly continue to treat you as a child while you live under their roof. Take away that power to control you. NTA