So I (17F) just got back from this Europe trip with my boyfriend (19M) and honestly I don’t even know if I’m crazy here. We’ve been planning this trip for a minute and i worked my butt off to save up because I wanted to do all the tourist stuff like museums, cute cafes, historic sites etc. But the second we landed, my boyfriend basically turned into some frat bro. Every night was like “let’s hit this bar” or “let’s go clubbing with my friends” (btw for some reason he knew people there in every city, from Paris to Berlin). He’d drink until 5am, stumble back to the hotel, and then the entire next day he was either asleep or complaining about being hungover. Meanwhile, this trip was suppose to be romantic. If I even suggested doing something during the day, I was “boring” or “killing the vibe.” Like sorry I didn’t spend thousands of dollars just to sit in a dark room while you recover from your 12 vodka shots.
So after about 2 weeks, it was 2 days to our return date , I was just… over it. I told him I was gonna do my own thing, booked myself a little hotel, and spent the rest of the trip exploring solo. And honestly? I had the BEST time. Ate gelato every day, went shopping, saw all the sights, didn’t have to babysit a drunk dude.But now i feel bad because he’s PISSED and threatening to break up with me. He says I abandoned him but tbh i’m tired of the relationship, He fells more like a burden than a boyfriend right now. Should I have stayed with him even if I was miserable?
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So I (17F) just got back from this Europe trip with my boyfriend (19M) and honestly I don’t even know if I’m crazy here. We’ve been planning this trip for a minute and i worked my butt off to save up because I wanted to do all the tourist stuff like museums, cute cafes, historic sites etc. But the second we landed, my boyfriend basically turned into some frat bro. Every night was like “let’s hit this bar” or “let’s go clubbing with my friends” (btw for some reason he knew people there in every city, from Paris to Berlin). He’d drink until 5am, stumble back to the hotel, and then the entire next day he was either asleep or complaining about being hungover. Meanwhile, this trip was suppose to be romantic. If I even suggested doing something during the day, I was “boring” or “killing the vibe.” Like sorry I didn’t spend thousands of dollars just to sit in a dark room while you recover from your 12 vodka shots.
So after about 2 weeks, it was 2 days to our return date , I was just… over it. I told him I was gonna do my own thing, booked myself a little hotel, and spent the rest of the trip exploring solo. And honestly? I had the BEST time. Ate gelato every day, went shopping, saw all the sights, didn’t have to babysit a drunk dude.But now i feel bad because he’s PISSED and threatening to break up with me. He says I abandoned him but tbh i’m tired of the relationship, He fells more like a burden than a boyfriend right now. Should I have stayed with him even if I was miserable?
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> AITA for ditching my boyfriend in Europe when i could have been a better girlfriend and endured his drinking habit even if it made me feel miserable?
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dump him doll, hes a waste and for someone as hardworking as your self he is not worth the finacial trouble, NTA, travel solo next time and hopefully youll meet your one or have a blast in a new area of the world
NTA
NTA and you’re 17 but more mature than he is. Dump him. He’s not what you want or need in life. Maybe he’ll grow up someday but he’s not mature enough for a relationship now.
The only thing you did wrong was not leaving him earlier.
Honestly, just dump him. He sounds like a massive pain. You’re so young and you will find someone better, no doubt! You were patient for not ditching him sooner. NTA.
Oh honey dump his ass. He has no consideration for you, and you clearly aren’t on the same wave length. If he isn’t capable of compromising and doing what you want to do during the day eg: tourist sites then you guys go to a few bars in the evening, then he’s immature and doesn’t care about how you experience your trip.
NTA. He abandoned you. Sure it can be fun to have a few drinks on vacation, nothing wrong with that, but not to the point where you’re not functioning and not able to do the stuff you came for. There’s room for compromise if you have different travel styles but he took it way, way too far. You salvaged your trip, good for you.
NTA. You’re young and discovering compatability. You have different interests when traveling. These things happen, and it sounds like expectations weren’t clear between you two.
NTA, he had an opportunity lots of people don’t get in life but would die for and chose to waste it getting shitfaced and ruining his relationship (something he could have done at home at any time incidentally). Let him break up with you – or better yet do it for him, you sound far more interesting anyway
No you should not have stayed with him. You should have done your own thing earlier! He wasted your time and was totally selfish. It seems to me that the whole relationship is done. You can do better. NTA
NTA. Don’t waste any more time on him.
NTA. He’s threatening to break up with you? Get it in writing. The fact that you had a better time without him tells you everything. You go to Europe so see and experience Europe – if he wanted to get drunk every night and be hungover every day, he could have stayed at home.
NTA: he’s a danger to himself and to you. Drinking to excess like that disgusting. It’s your trip too. I’m just so glad to hear you had a great time solo travelling!! Now it’s time to re-think this relationship. Do you really want to be with someone that behaves like this?
Thanks for all the kind comments
why am i getting downvoted?😥
i want to hear your opinions too
NTA – and like why would you have stayed with him? He is to one that is boring. Good riddance to him! Glad you had two fun days!
NTA – if anything the BF abandoned OP! OP left in reaction to the boyfriend. Meanwhile boyfriend ditched OP right away despite the touristy plans. OP shared her feelings and got dismissed by BF. god forbid he suffer the consequences of being a bad partner
Beat him to the punch and break up with him. Despite being very close in age, you aren’t in the same place in life, and there’s no way to unlearn that.
What a 🚩🚩🚩he is. Nta, should have left him sooner is my only comment on how you handled it but otherwise good job for recognizing vthe situation cand make it better for yourself. Dump him. He ruined the trip, not you.
Yta. The situation you described sucks, but did you make it clear you were having a romantic vacation to eat gelato together? Did your 19m with friends across Europe agree? It sounds like he had a reasonable expectation that you two would party across Europe, you never discussed anything else, and then you ditched him on vacation. I hope he does break up with you, he can do better.
NTA. You didn’t abandon him, he abandoned you. Good for you for spending the last days by yourself and having fun!
NTA. I could possibly understand if he did this one night on the trip. Possibly twice if he was perfect for you otherwise, but I would have been pissed the second time. He deserted you on the trip to party with friends. Going overseas for a vacation is expensive. You worked hard to be able to go. He wasn’t compromising and being present with you on the trip.
I think it was great that you booked your own hotel and ditched him. You two are not compatible. He is TA. This was a huge trip and he ruined a big part of it. Just dump him and move on. Get therapy if you would like to discuss it.
I would in no way consider staying together.
NAH When I tell my husband that I want us to take a vacation in a country that he has already visited by himself before we got together… he laughs and agrees… and tells me that he would be seeing it for the first time too… because he spent his first vacation getting drunk and being hungover. Not once. Basically on every vacation he took before he was 30.
Some people vacation differently. You learned that you are better off vacationing solo or with your bestie. Your boyfriend is not TA for spending his vacations partying just as you are not TA for spending your vacations in art galleries. You two are simply “vacation incompatible.”
NTA and I would’ve left him on his own way sooner than 2 weeks in. You’ve outgrown the relationship, and you’re young. You will find better men, trust me.
Hell no. NTA. Doesn’t the dude realize that when your GF leaves you in a hotel room in Europe an disappears for two weeks SHE broke up with YOU? Guy have a lot of maturing to do and they usually finish around 25. Clearly there is a LOT more mindless drinking involved if you go back to frat boy. I’d say that’s a hard pass.
Still haven’t shut down all those bio-labs.
NTA – Well done you, you sound very mature for your age (hope I don’t sound patronising).
You booked yourself a hotel at 17 to avoid him, not to mention travelled to Europe with just your BF for a romantic vacation? Unless you are incredibly wealthy orphan or a pop star/actress, call me incredulous. Your creative writing exercise misses the mark.
NTA
He’s threatening to break up with you? Dear, he’s promising it. It’s a great offer, take it
No way, I wouldn’t put up with that either. I recently went to the art gallery to see an exhibition. I’d been really looking forward to and went with my long-term partner.
When we got there he started making comments like ‘that’s just scribble. I could do that.’ (I wish he could because we’d be very well off). So I just said to him I came here to get into this and I want to go on a spiritual journey enjoying the art so see you later, I’ll meet you at the end and dumped him there. I ended up exploring the whole gallery on my own and it was fantastic. I met some really interesting people that appreciated the art the same way I did. I have no clue what he did and I don’t care. But we didn’t split up over it. It’s okay to have your own space in a relationship. NTA
Nta especially if it was clear from the start what you had on your wishlist and the drinking was a surprise.
I would have been gutted too, so much cool stuff to see and do. Fair to have one or two party nights it’s part of the adventure but to do that everyday is ridiculous. Like over said, if what he wanted to do was just drink and party he could have stayed home or gone somewhere more affordable for that purpose.
NTA, you proved to yourself you are better off without him. Just end the relationship, you two are not really on the same page.
No, of course you’re not wrong, a trip is to enjoy and learn , Not to be locked up all day. It’s fine if he went out drinking for two or three days, with his friends (whom you didn’t even know he had). The thing was to share with you and have fun in a healthy way. No alcohol, just walking and spending quality time together.
You’re still young, and it wasn’t like he paid for everything.
Talk to him and come to a mutual agreement, since you are a couple.
If your partner is selfish, he will blame you for everything and say that it was wrong of you,And he won’t be right, you also have the right to enjoy
If he starts telling you things and gives you the option to end the relationship, do it, it’s the best thing to do.
That doesn’t mean you want to throw away the time you have together (that’s probably what he’ll tell you) but don’t believe that,As it is now it will be for a long time, it will not change overnight, That never happens and the people who say (I know he’s going to change because he loves me) are the ones who suffer the most.
When a person truly loves, they don’t hurt and they change on their own when they realize they are doing things wrong without being told.
NTA.
Honestly, especially at your age, you don’t really know how well you click with someone until you travel together. A big part of travelling together is compromising to do what both people like. Two weeks you did only what he liked.
At least you found out sooner rather than later.
NTA.
Dump him girl.
Dump him. You’re not on the same page and likely won’t be. I would have just gone off and done my own thing every day, have dinner together, hang out and let him go off while you sleep.
NTA, you were restrained. I would have ditched after 2 days of that behavior, not when there were only two days left!
NTA, let him break up with you, he’d be doing you a favour. He wasted a great trip just so he could drink? You can do better
NTA, he abandoned you
NTA, but your bf definitely is. Holy hell. I would’ve ditched him already on day 2 xD that’s ridiculous behavior. Glad you were able to enjoy at least the last two days.
NTA. Threatening or promising?
NTA – You did the right thing. There’s no future in this relationship. He will be like this for years, if not the rest of his life. You will find yourself on your own anyway.
I went through this same scenario… just in reverse. I was young she was young. I had been with that person for 7 ish years. We broke up a little after the trip. I resented her for being boring and she resented me for just wanting to party and have fun that way.
In hindsight we were both young and had different priorities. No one was the asshole and I don’t think you or him are being assholes, you are just two young people at different places in your life. Now in my early 30s I’d kill for a chill trip like that. You guys need to communicate and that includes him and if he doesn’t want to listen then there it is an easy decision for you. Don’t feel bad life moves on.
You are from the US, if I read the post right. So your legal drinking age would be 21. Did he drink alcohol before? It’s possible that he planned this to be a drinking trip and you to be his caregiver. Since he is older than the typical drinking age of 18 years old in Germany/France/Italy, he was allowed to consume it and you mostly.. weren‘t. Except for beer and wine in Germany.
Screw him, dump him, don‘t look back. If you were living in some of these countries we would be discussing your relationship because of your ages. It is not because that an age gap of two years is difficult and is more usual in relationships in your 20s and so on. It‘s because he would be considered an adult with 18 years or older, while you are a minor with 17 years.
NTA. You travelled to explore, not get stuck helping your boyfriend nurse his hangovers day in day out. Imagine how you’d be feeling had you not opted to do the rest of the exploring alone.
He went as far as labelling you boring for wanting these beautiful moments him. Clearly, for him the trip was about getting trashed while you wanted to make memories and strengthen your connection while at it.
If he’s threatening to break up, it is clear you’re not a priority.
NTA
OP, You are an impressive young adult – far more so than you (soon-to-be-ex? she says hopefully) bf.
I had a belly laugh at the notion that HE’s threatening to break up with you. Best responses are “Thank God!” or “No need. I’m already over you.“
If your bf had done that for a night or two, then got back to the plans the two of you had made, you could get past that. But this guy…
Drank to excess. Did it E.V.E.R.Y. night of the trip. Did it to such a degree that he was completely incapacitated the entire time that anything you wanted to see was open to enjoy.
Spent two plus weeks not caring ONE BIT how his behavior was impacting you. He didn’t care that he was wasting all the time and hard effort you had made to save for this trip. He didn’t care that you were essentially alone all day. He didn’t care that you were missing once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. He. Didn’t. Care.
BF never once communicated to you that he had any desire to spend 14 plus days sleeping off 14 plus nights of binge drinking. He either knew that you wouldn’t like that plan and just kept it to himself, or he was never really engaged in the planning with you, agreed to whatever you said, but went his own way when it came time to actually do anything.
He has ZERO regret about his behavior. ZERO sympathy for how his choices cost you. And when you finally acted for your own best interests (not even forcing him to do anything he didn’t want to do), he BLAMES you. He is ANGRY at you. For what? For no longer just quietly being the body by his side while he did whatever he wanted to do. You are not a person to him. These are his true colors.
The bad news is you’ve seen sides of him that no one would reasonably want to let into their life. The good news is you have seen it. You have seen it early enough that you haven’t wasted years or tied yourself to him. The even better news is that you are just beginning your adult life and have the maturity, the discipline and hard drive, the curiosity for and love of the world… that you are going to go places and do things… and they will be all the better when you are unfettered of this guy.
Ma’am, you need to find yourself a new man. Your current one is an alcoholic and needs help. You DESERVE someone who doesn’t waste their time in a liquor bottle. I lived with an alcoholic and he didn’t get help until my mother told him it’s either us or your beer. Thankfully he chose us ( dad passed in 2017 from cancer and blood clots). Don’t feel like the asshole because you are not.
Hope things get better for you young lady, you have so much life to live and you deserve to be happy.
You shouldn’t have stayed with him then and you shouldn’t stay with him now.
NTA
NTA he sounds awful. You planned this and worked hard for this trip and despite knowing that he purposely did nothing you wanted and got trashed every single day on the trip and then told you your a buzz kill when you rightfully got upset. At best he’s selfish at worst he doesn’t care about you at all. I’ve treated my enemies kinder than your boyfriend on this trip.
NTA. Bruh. I thought you meant you just left his ass in Europe at first (like didn’t bring him back to his own country). But no, what you actually did you should have happened a lot sooner. How can he be mad when he doesn’t want to do your “boring” stuff anyway? You dont want to do his frat bro stuff. Sometimes it takes a vacation to see how people really are. I’m glad you got some enjoyment out of it and I hope you stay broken up.
NTA, he abandoned you to drink with his bros.
Clearly his bros and alcohol are way more important than you.
Frankly be grateful to him for letting you know what a shitty person he is before you married him.
You should have abandoned him after three days. He blocks your sunshine. He sounds like an immature waster.
Drop him.
NTA. You learned that an alcoholic is not fun to be with. Side note: You “worked your butt off to save up for” a trip that you’ve “been planning for a minute.” Huh? The two time scales don’t math.
Let the streets have him.
NTA and go ahead and break up, you had a better time without him and he didn’t give a shit about what you wanted. Kick him to the curb and find someone who wants to hang out with you
So you had a better time in two days without him than you did for two weeks with him?
>He’s PISSED and threatening to break up with me
Seems like the feeling is mutual… I mean, kinda sounds like the first thing the two of you have agreed on this entire trip.
NTA this is a preview of what he’s going to act like 24/7 when he’s legal to drink where you leave. Dump him and move on. Sorry you didn’t get to enjoy more of your vacation.
NTA. have a good time
Dump him.
NTA.
NTA.
If he feels like dead weight now, what is he going to feel like in the future? You’re 17 – you should feel free.
NTA Why did you wait 2 whole weeks of the vacation to do things by yourself. Any trip with anyone should include things both like to do. It’s a balance. You went to bars with him then he needs to reciprocate and do things you like to do.
Anyway, it doesn’t sound like you & he are at all compatible. You deserve respect. At least he showed his true colors now before you got further involved.
He is the definition of an alcoholic. Save yourself the trouble and move on. You’re only 17 and deserve a life of joy as you’re learning who you are.
Oh no! The poor widdle alcoholic threatened to break up! Whatever shall we do??? Oh no!!!!
Seriously, ditch him! It doesn’t get better, he stays a drunk idiot while you get more bitter and resentful. There is no reasoning with alcoholics so cut your losses and walk away with your sanity in tact! If you don’t, he probably will get vengeful and violent, resulting in broken things and broken dreams. Then comes the day when drunk him just simply loathes you with every fiber of his being and he gets physical.
(My ex husband was an alcoholic and he picked me up and threw me naked out our front door then locked me out. Want to know what set him off? I was sleeping, at 3 AM…)
HE is threatening to break up with YOU??
Ahahahahahahahaa 🤣
He is threatening to improve your life! Take him up on that offer expeditiously! There are men out there who would love to have a romantic vacation with you. This man would ruin anything come on no matter how important it is to you. And then he will be mean to you when you don’t like it.
NTA
NTA. Your bf is an absolute clown who wanted to experience alcohol legally, and fed you whatever he thought would get you to agree to be his caregiver.
Is this what you want as a life partner? Someone selfish and abusive who is happy to put down your interests and wants so you’ll tend to his every whim and want?
You abandoned him??? No. He abandoned you. This whole trip was about him partying in different cities. It had nothing to do with enjoying Europe with you.
NTA
You can’t fix him. He’s broken. Dispose of him.
You deserve better.
NTA. Glad you salvaged your holiday
A 17 yr old who can save thousands to take a special trip doesn’t have any need for this kind of guy in her life. You have the focus and determination to succeed in life.
He’s threatening to break up with you? Let him. Better yet, get in there first. He’s not worth keeping around.
NTA
NTA – you waited too long to dump his sorry behind. I assume you let him know of your plans to do tourist things. Did he let you know of his plans to drink across Europe? Now that you’re back home, he has shown you who he is. In vino veritas. Be thankful you found out now before making a commitment of marriage. Find someone better.
NTA.
My fiancee and I went to an all inclusive last year. I definitely overdid the drinking a bit, but I made sure to be present with her every day, I was up before her and ordered her room service so she would wake up to breakfast in bed with a tropical ocean view.
If you’re going to party hard on vacation, you have to make sure that you are also there for things other people want to do. She wanted to go spend time at the pool, cool, I will float around and have a fantastic time. I wanted to go to the poolside swing bar at the end of the evening, she came along and we got plastered. But I was up an hour before her the next day and made sure she was up to enjoy the daylight hours as well.
I couldnt imagine just being a drunk slug the whole time. But for me, I’ve never had a hangover so bad that it can’t be fixed by half a joint and / or a greasy plate of breakfast food.
NTA.
He’s threatening to break up from you? Lol. Did he not get the message when you left him on his own?!
He’s shown you EXACTLY what he’s like. Believe it and block him. I dumped a guy years ago on a walking holiday because half the damn day was gone before he got out of bed. Babysitting hangover dude sounds worse.
Time is precious, you want people around you who value that. This guy does not.
At least this way you can laugh at him when you ask if he was too drunk to notice you leaving him and dumping his wasted ass.
NTA – you’re both supposed to do a little compromising in a relationship. So you go to the bars with him a bit and he goes to see the sights with you a bit.
Sounds like he wasn’t doing any of that. NTA
Wait, why is he the one who has to end this? You didn’t figure out this relationship isn’t good for you?
You’re both too young for this shit.
You’re just not right for each, neither of you are the arsehole, you just have different priorities and different plans for life right now.
Break it off, go different ways.