I (23F) was with my partner (26M) celebrating his sisters birthday. We had a great time and after dinner his sister said in two weeks time they were going camping and asked if we were busy, we weren’t busy so they offered for us to come. We said sure! My partner and I work Monday to Friday and long hours. We hardly get time to do anything in the afternoon, we eat, showers sleep. And his family know this, so being able to pack etc is hard/limited time. But things were going smoothly. My MIL is elderly and disabled so we help her a lot and she is also going camping. It was supposed to be simple. Sister in law would pick up MIL and take her to the camp site. When my partner and I both finished work we would drive to the campsite. (Me go in his two seater car). Now we’ve been told that the campsite has changed to a new location, and my SIL no longer wants to drive the distance (30 mins) to pick up her own mother and now is expecting us to take her somehow. (Again 3 people…2 seater car) and may I add the campsite is 2 hours away for us and only 25 minutes for my SIL. My MIL also wants to take her old dog that doesn’t handle camping well. I have a friend visiting to feed and play with my cat and I said he can with the dog, but she is just certain that’s not enough and she needs to be with her dog the whole time. So now it’s stressing us out. I now have a going away party for my boss at a job I have only been at for a month the day I go camping. So for context now I have to work, finish work, go to the going away party, then drive on my own to this campsite. I also am not confident to do this by myself. I’ll be getting to camp so late like 9pm earliest, and I feel like I’m going to have no fun camping since it’s only Friday and Saturday night we’re staying. Then spending all Sunday afternoon unpacking and getting ready for work the next day. This doesn’t feel worth it. We’ve also had a lot of stress of family saying all we needed to bring was tent, bedding, snacks. Now we’ve been told last minute more things and have been rushing to get it all. It’s been a huge waste of money and now me and my partner are so overwhelmed his mother doesn’t care at all how stressed we are and won’t take no for an answer. And we both don’t want to go. What do I do? I want to go because it’s camping, time with family, his mother doesn’t get to do this stuff often anymore. But it’s all rushed and bad timing. And because of work we hardly have time to pack and do what we need.
Now I don’t want to go. And I feel so guilty but I don’t know if I should go or not. When I mentioned I don’t want to go they seem disappointed and have basically made me feel like I have no choice. I’m ready to just not go. But AITA for saying no? I know it’s hard for my MIL to get these opportunities but I don’t feel like I HAVE to go.
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I (23F) was with my partner (26M) celebrating his sisters birthday. We had a great time and after dinner his sister said in two weeks time they were going camping and asked if we were busy, we weren’t busy so they offered for us to come. We said sure! My partner and I work Monday to Friday and long hours. We hardly get time to do anything in the afternoon, we eat, showers sleep. And his family know this, so being able to pack etc is hard/limited time. But things were going smoothly. My MIL is elderly and disabled so we help her a lot and she is also going camping. It was supposed to be simple. Sister in law would pick up MIL and take her to the camp site. When my partner and I both finished work we would drive to the campsite. (Me go in his two seater car). Now we’ve been told that the campsite has changed to a new location, and my SIL no longer wants to drive the distance (30 mins) to pick up her own mother and now is expecting us to take her somehow. (Again 3 people…2 seater car) and may I add the campsite is 2 hours away for us and only 25 minutes for my SIL. My MIL also wants to take her old dog that doesn’t handle camping well. I have a friend visiting to feed and play with my cat and I said he can with the dog, but she is just certain that’s not enough and she needs to be with her dog the whole time. So now it’s stressing us out. I now have a going away party for my boss at a job I have only been at for a month the day I go camping. So for context now I have to work, finish work, go to the going away party, then drive on my own to this campsite. I also am not confident to do this by myself. I’ll be getting to camp so late like 9pm earliest, and I feel like I’m going to have no fun camping since it’s only Friday and Saturday night we’re staying. Then spending all Sunday afternoon unpacking and getting ready for work the next day. This doesn’t feel worth it. We’ve also had a lot of stress of family saying all we needed to bring was tent, bedding, snacks. Now we’ve been told last minute more things and have been rushing to get it all. It’s been a huge waste of money and now me and my partner are so overwhelmed his mother doesn’t care at all how stressed we are and won’t take no for an answer. And we both don’t want to go. What do I do? I want to go because it’s camping, time with family, his mother doesn’t get to do this stuff often anymore. But it’s all rushed and bad timing. And because of work we hardly have time to pack and do what we need.
Now I don’t want to go. And I feel so guilty but I don’t know if I should go or not.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my family I don’t want to go camping and they are annoyed and mad at me. 2. I feel like I’m letting them down because my MIL is disabled and this is a big deal for her and I’m not wanting to go.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
How is your relationship with your mother in law?
NTA. They clearly didn’t do a good job of thinking a lot of details through here. Did they know in advance that your guy’s car is only a two-seater?
Nope. When SIL changed the plans, you had an out. Don’t stress yourself to the max just to unwind for a day or two. Makes no sense.
“I am sorry. I thought and hoped we could make this work, but its just not going to be possible with all of the changes that have occurred. I still want to hang out though, so maybe we can try to [insert camping or other activity here] on [insert better date for you in the near future here].” Apologize, back out, but take some initiative to show you still want to hang out by starting the next plans. NTA.
NTA: they moved the goalposts. They made it seem simple so you’d agree to come, now they’ve complicated things and therefore it’s just not possible.
Suggest another time and perhaps take some annual leave to cover Friday and Monday so you can make a long weekend of it. That way it’s less stressful and more time with the family.
My recommendation is to talk to your partner, if he doesn’t want to go either, don’t do it, it’s not mandatory, you can’t be solving everything for your partner’s family (or yours either), you’re stressing yourself out.The whole week or a little more for just 2 days of “rest” that in the end will be worse If your mother-in-law wants to go, let those who go take her or pay someone or an app to get there, That way you can also take your dog.
NTA
Say no, you can’t make it. Your partner can go, you plan to stay home and rest.
Why the hell are they wanting to take an elderly disabled woman camping anyway??? I have an elderly family member that I care for and I would never in a million years think taking them camping is a good idea. Adding in a dog who wouldn’t enjoy the experience and it’s a recipe for disaster and stupidity.
NTA. Bail on this bait- and-switch noise.
Camping at the best of times is hell-adjacent. This sounds like Dante’s Inferno: The Director’s Cut (and not one involving Linda Hamilton and a dashing Pierce Brosnan).
No.
NTA
Tell them that because of the change in plans, the trip no longer fits your schedule. Also, remind them that you only have a 2-seater car, so putting MIL and dog in with 2 adults and overnight bags for three (plus doggie stuff) just won’t work. Offer to talk to them about devising a plan for another time that works for everyone.
NTA
(edited typos)
I’m exhausted just reading the demands for the week/weekend. The situation changed and you have overcommitted yourself. It happens. Bail, with a brief explanation and apology and NTA.
NTA. what kind of numpty nonsense is this to bring an elderly, disabled woman camping along with an old ass dog.
Big nope, arrange your own camping trip when you have time go enjoy. Stay home with kitty drinking wine. You can buy cat wine.
NTA. Back out. You’re too busy.
Why did your BF just say he can’t pick his mum and her dog up as he only has a 2 seater. What has your BF said to HIS family about any of the changes.
NTA. Between your work commitments and changing family requests of your resources/time you are perfectly justified to bail on this camping trip.
Easy peasy, just tell your family that this work thing has come up and you can’t miss it. The event won’t let out in time for you to drive up Friday night. There’s not much point to you driving 2 hours to spend half a day at camp and then drive 2 hours back the next morning. You’ll miss them but you’re glad they have the time together. Maybe you all can plan a weekend camp again soon, somewhere close by so it’s easier to balance with work and pets and all.
I’d personally go for a Saturday day trip just to placate everyone and get the best of both worlds.
NTA. Your MIL getting to the campsite shouldn’t be a burden on you. MILs daughter should be transporting her. If you feel the stress is greater than the time being spent at campsite, don’t go. Plan a camping trip later when you will have plenty of time to get everything together.
NTA. Apologize for the “last minute change in your plans” but you simply can’t.
If you want, your and husband plan another trip and invite them so they know it’s not personal. (Even though it kind of is since they’re being obtuse.)
It’s your time. They don’t get to dictate how you spend it.
I honestly do not understand what the problem is. What do you imagine will happen if you just tell them it isn’t going to work out, a work event came up and you can’t make it work? Will they throw a fit? If so, all you have to do is say, “I am sorry you are disappointed, I am, too, but I am not going to entertain this behavior.” And hang up the phone. She doesn’t live with you. Are they going to guilt you? If so, you are your problem for accepting the gift of their guilt (or anger). All you have to do is say, “I hear you. You are feeling ____. It does not change the fact that we cannot make this work, and your way of communicating your feelings is off putting. It is OK to be disappointed, but it is not OK to insist that we turn our lives upside down, spend a lot of money on something that simply does not work for us. We work very hard, and it is not easy to get away. When we do, we want it to be pleasant. If it is not, we will not participate. That is a reasonable position to take. If you cannot accept that, I do not know what to tell you.” If they keep going, you just walk out of the conversation. You can also suggest therapy. What you cannot do is cower under the pressure of someone else’s desire to go camping as if you have to get permission to have agency. That is something you might want to explore therapy for.
Their change of plans unfortunately effected your ability to participate.
I would skip the work thing. “I’d love to but I have a family engagement that night.”
I don’t know how many seats your car has but this doesn’t seem that complicated or difficult. Family is more important.
The minute SIL changed the location and travel plans for MIL, you should have cancelled. You tell her “unfortunately that’s no longer going to work for me.” Your partner should have said that immediately to his sister. NTA and don’t ever get forced into doing something that isn’t good for you.
Sorry, adjustments to the original plan and work obligations have made this trip impossible. Let’s plan this when we have more time to prepare and travel so it’s enjoyable for everyone.
No is a complete sentence.