My wife and I(35) have been together for 12 years, and have 2 adopted children ages 5 and 3. My wife has endometriosis, has conceived twice and miscarried in the early weeks. My wife is currently 27 weeks, none of pregnancy’s have lasted nearly this far so we decided to have a babyshower.
My sister, my wife, and I got together planning my sister began telling my wife how different it is to have your own biological kid, how much better it feels, my wife told her our adopted children are as much as our children as this child will be, then my sister went on to say well yea but this one will look like you guys and act like you guys.
When my wife left the room my sister came up to me and whispered to me how I shouldn’t get nothing too expensive just incase this one doesn’t work either, I said why would u say that, she went on to say how it wasn’t in a mean way but it’s a high possibility then went on to joke how she wasn’t even going to buy a gift til she sees the baby is actually here. we got into an argument, she left. I sent her a text basically saying don’t bother buying a gift bc ur no longer invited the babyshower or welcome to meet your niece/nephew.
I got responded with spam calls, then a message calling me an ah, how I’m being way too sensitive, that I know she’s just a blunt person. I ignored them all, she then texted my wife apologizing (which I didn’t even tell her what was said bc I didn’t want her to worry) then it hurt my wife feelings and I told her just not to respond, we muted their messages. The next day my parents messaged me saying I’m being way too harsh. AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My wife and I(35) have been together r for 12 years, and have 2 adopted children ages 5 and 3. My wife has endometriosis, has conceived twice and miscarried in the early weeks. My wife is currently 27 weeks, none of pregnancy’s have lasted nearly this far so we decided to have a babyshower.
My sister, my wife, and I got together planning my sister began telling my wife how different it is to have your own biological kid, how much better it feels, my wife told her our adopted children are as much as our children as this child will be, then my sister went on to say well yea but this one will look like you guys and act like you guys.
When my wife left the room my sister came up to me and whispered to me how I shouldn’t get nothing too expensive just incase this one doesn’t work either, I said why would u say that, she went on to say how it wasn’t in a mean way but it’s a high possibility then went on to joke how she wasn’t even going to buy a gift til she sees the baby is actually here. we got into an argument, she left. I sent her a text basically saying don’t bother buying a gift bc ur no longer invited the babyshower or welcome to meet your niece/nephew.
I got responded with spam calls, then a message calling me an ah, how I’m being way too sensitive, that I know she’s just a blunt person. I ignored them all, she then texted my wife apologizing (who I didn’t even tell her what was said bc I didn’t want her to worry) then it hurt my wife feelings and I told her just not to respond, we muted their messages. The next day my parents messaged me saying I’m being way too harsh. AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister she was uninvited to the babtshower and not to bother meeting the baby. She spam called me and said I was being an ah and sensitive, then my parents agreed I’m too harsh. Maybe I’m the ah bc she’s my sister
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. If she wanted to wait to buy something until later, that would be her choice and she could have said she was getting something later without saying why. The remarks about the adopted kids was just reprehensible.
NTA. Your sister’s statements about your family are not understandable. Why would you do that?
Why are your parents messaging you? They should be messaging your sister and offering to buy her a new muzzle.
NTA for whatever way you want to protect yourselves.
NTA, I’d tell her she needs to adopt a better personality.
well your sister sounds absolutely awful. what the fuck. insulted the adopted children and insulted the pregnancy. unreal, good on you for cutting her out
How in this situation would you ever be the ah? Your sister needs to be cut out of your lives. God knows how she is going to treat your other kids when jr is here. Dump her and anyone defending her and be happy. NTA
NTA, a response you can use “she’s not blunt she’s an asshole”
NTA
> she’s just a blunt person
The defense of many an AH.
“Sister, I am bluntly telling you that your attitude concerning my family is toxic and I want nothing to do with your poison.”
NTA but your sister and your parents sure are!
NTA.
Congratulations and prayers on the delivery of a healthy new baby.
You may want to think about your sister continuing to have a relationship with your current children as well. What disgusting things to say.
NTA. This seems like a good natural consequence. Your sister was insensitive and insulting, to say the least, about your impending arrival and your family in general, and so she now needs to keep her distance as you navigate this exciting time. You don’t have room for people acting like that towards you, your kids, or your wife.
I will say, not to pile on, but her remarks about bio kids being ‘better’ than non-bio are PARTICULAR insulting if she isn’t speaking from firsthand experience as both an adoptive and biologial mother. IF she hasn’t also adopted, it means she has already looked at your existing kids as ‘less than’ and shows she considers your parenting of them to be secondary, somehow, to biological parenting. If she has biological kids herself, it means she considers her own experience as a parent to be superior to yours. This feels like something she’s been itching to say and only feels comfortable now that she can put it in positive (backhanded, that is) terms since you’re expecting a child biologically.
I guess my point is, this was not just you being shocked and insulted. It speaks to some potentially deep feelings she harbors towards your family and the validity of your kids. I’m sorry.
NTA – let’s start with her ignorant comments about how having a biological child is going to be way better. Keep an eye out on how she treats & reacts to your toddlers. Make sure they never hear that BS. And since you didn’t ask for her opinion on the viability of the current pregnancy she needs to keep that toxic shit to herself. And your parents need to butt right out. Toxic all around
NTA Do your parents even know what it was your sister said to you?
NTA. This sister was very rude and disrespectful. I would have done the same “if you are not supportive, you don’t get to be there.”
NTA. Wtf? Seriously though, just no to your sister 100%. Terrible behavior.
NTA.
I can imagine what she will have to say to your children when the baby is born. Please go no contact with her and anyone who tries to defend her ignorance.
Your wife needs to be kept in peace situations and in a place where she can stay happy. Pregnant women don’t need any unecessary worries.
The last thing she needs is all this family drama, or having to sort out some AH who thinks adopted children somehow don’t count, or who won’t be happy for her because they think the baby isn’t going to make it.
I’d banish the lot until after the pregnancy at least, and tell them outright you’re not having any negativity around your family right now, or drama.
You are being very protective, understandably.
And personally, I feel that’s absolutely the way to go.
NTA what the actual ?!?! Your sister is not blunt she is a jerk. Those comments are completely uncalled for and honestly unforgivable.
NTA