I (37F) was married to my ex-husband (42M) for 16 years. We got married really young, and we have two kids (7 and 11). We divorced about a year and a half ago, and honestly, we get along better now than we ever did married. Our co-parenting relationship is really solid.
He still lives in the house we bought together, and I have my own place. We split custody 50/50. Here’s the part that’s causing drama: I regularly go inside his house when I’m picking up or dropping off the kids. Sometimes it’s just to grab something they forgot for school, sometimes it’s because they’re not ready yet, and sometimes it’s just to talk for a bit about issues going on with the kids, school, etc. It is literally always about the kids. There are zero romantic feelings there (he even has a girlfriend), and for both of us, it just feels natural and easy.
The issue is with my new boyfriend. We’ve been dating a couple months, and he says it’s super uncomfortable for him that I go into my ex’s house at all. He thinks I should just wait in the driveway, garage, or car, and only talk to my ex when it’s strictly about the kids. He feels it’s “disrespectful” for me to spend time in there and have long conversations with my ex.
From my perspective, we’re co-parents, we’re friends, and being on good terms makes life better for the kids. But my boyfriend clearly feels strongly about it. I think I should be able to go inside the house without it being a huge deal.
AITA for going into my ex’s house and keeping a close co-parenting relationship?
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I (37F) was married to my ex-husband (42M) for 16 years. We got married really young, and we have two kids (5 and 9). We divorced about a year and a half ago, and honestly, we get along better now than we ever did married. Our co-parenting relationship is really solid.
He still lives in the house we bought together, and I have my own place. We split custody 50/50. Here’s the part that’s causing drama: I regularly go inside his house when I’m picking up or dropping off the kids. Sometimes it’s just to grab something they forgot for school, sometimes it’s because they’re not ready yet, and sometimes it’s just to talk for a bit about issues going on with the kids, school, etc. It is literally always about the kids. There are zero romantic feelings there (he even has a girlfriend), and for both of us, it just feels natural and easy.
The issue is with my new boyfriend. We’ve been dating a couple months, and he says it’s super uncomfortable for him that I go into my ex’s house at all. He thinks I should just wait in the driveway, garage, or car, and only talk to my ex when it’s strictly about the kids. He feels it’s “disrespectful” for me to spend time in there and have long conversations with my ex.
From my perspective, we’re co-parents, we’re friends, and being on good terms makes life better for the kids. But my boyfriend clearly feels strongly about it. I think I should be able to go inside the house without it being a huge deal.
AITA for going into my ex’s house and keeping a close co-parenting relationship?
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> I go inside my ex’s house and my boyfriend thinks I shouldn’t
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA This is not just your EX, he is the father of your children. You want to continue to have a healthy relationship for them. Your current boyfriend seems to be unreasonbly jealous.
So what you’re saying is your current boyfriend is so insecure he cant understand that you could possibly be on good nonromatic terms with your ex who you spent most of your adult life with and wants to ruin that coparenting relationship (which is GOOD for your kids) to make him feel better about himself?? Hahahhahaha girl dump him
NTA: If your boyfriend is uncomfortable that you have a healthy, friendly co-parenting relationship, he is not the guy for you.
NTA if your ex is okay with it, which it sounds like he is- like you said, it’s literally stuff relating to the kids, and you guys are both parents of the kids. Your new bf doesn’t get a say in what happens regarding your co-parenting relationship (which sounds fairly healthy and non-toxic based on what you’ve written!). Your new boyfriend is trying to pass his insecurities off onto you, when what he needs to do is learn how to deal with them in a healthy way that doesn’t involve you.
NTA for going inside and discussing things that impact the kids.
Your boyfriend seems really insecure / controlling. Is that really what you want?
NTA and you might want to look for a new boyfriend. This jealous this early in a relationship is a huge no in my opinion.
NTA
Kudos on having a good co-parenting relationship. I would be concerned your new partner is opposed to that.
NAH.
You have every right to maintain a friendship with the ex who is also your coparent.
Your BF has every right to feel discomfort about a current partner being “too friendly” with one of their former partners.
The only thing that should change is your relationship status with your BF. You two are not compatible.
NTA. Your bf just threw up a red flag. Waiting outside would be fine if there was a problem between you two, but it does not sound like that is the case. And that is great. It is also between you and your ex. This bf does not get a say in how you and your ex do what is best for your children. Kind of a red flag.
NTA and a big red flag. He’s trying to control you after only a couple of months. Take a pass and start looking for better company. And good on both you and your ex for providing a stress-free co-parenting relationship for your kids. That’s the real priority, not a new boyfriend who wants to start flexing his need for control or his insecurities.
Your boyfriend is waving red flags. Too controlling.
NTA new boyfriend needs to get with the program…the ex is going to be in your life and is not a threat (certainly not if you and your ex are like any of the divorced middle-aged former couples I know). If he’s got any reservations it’s probably time to move on.
Nta i don’t think ur be is ready and mature enough for a relationship
Imo: NTA, it sounds like you have a great co-parenting relationship with your ex and it should stay that way. It sounds like your. Current partner is trying to project his insecurities on to you. I would flat out ask him what the problem is and what he is accusing you of because the way he is treating this situation is disproportionate to what is really going on.
See those giant red flags now before he gets any worse. That is super controlling especially considering how short of a time you have been dating.
NTA. If your boyfriend can’t accept you being on friendly terms with the father of your children, then the boyfriend has to go.
NTA and this could be a deal-breaker. You’re not doing anything inappropriate, but if your new bf is very uncomfortable with you having a good co-parenting relationship, maybe this isn’t the guy for you.
NTA: My ex just told his girlfriend that if she had a problem with it it was too bad because this is how it is and will always be.
OP lose the boyfriend, he won’t change and your kids deserve to have their parents have a great co-parenting relationship.
NTA and ditch the new boyfriend. You’re going to have the rest of your life at events with your ex with the kids – you do not need a jealous or controlling partner who can’t get along with everyone.
NTA
your bf os not ready to be a cooperative co-parent.
The new boyfriend won’t last. He doesn’t understand, and will never understand your solid relationship with your ex. And at two months he’s already trying to alienate you from the ex. Just no.
Don’t let this new guy ruin your great co-parenting friendship. If only all ex’s were able to do it as well as you do with your ex. Your kids are hugely benefitting from your mature relationship with your ex.
Your new boyfriend’s insecurities will ruin the status quo if you even give him an inch. He’s not mature enough to date you. NTA
NTA. Get rid of this BF. He needs to understand that getting along with the person you co-parent with is important. If he’s so insecure that he can’t handle that he needs to move on. It will only get worse.
Ditch the BF. He’s the only AH in this situation.
Your bf is TA. Don’t ruin a good set up over his insecurities. Your kids will be the ones who pay for it.
Maybe try a double date without the kids so he can see it doesn’t bother the girlfriend and that you are truly platonic ?
Frankly this is the goal. If he can’t see that, maybe HE is the one who needs replaced?
NTA, but this is a big red flag. “Disrespectful” implies that you’re the property of your bf, and that his property rights are not being respected. “Disrespectful” is not a word one would use to describe the behavior of a whole human person with agency and relationships outside of current dating who has done literally nothing wrong.
NTA he has trust issues that should not be your problem. You sound like you have a healthy parenting relationship for your kids
You children are your priority not the bf. Think about all the people that can’t co-parent. You and your ex are doing what is best for your kids. Time to let go of the boyfriend. Later on he will complain about other things.
Absolutely NTA. As a child of divorce (a really bad one), I will tell you that making your kids a priority and having that kind of relationship with your ex is a great thing.
Your boyfriend is the one who is insecure and probably needs to adjust his point of view like a rational adult. I think you need to do what’s best for you and your kids, and if your boyfriend doesn’t understand that, then he might not be the guy for you.
Absolutely NTA
This boyfriend is new and showing you early that you are incompatible. Do not let his insecurities sabotage the calm co-parenting relationship you have. Since this is how you have conducted yourself since the separation it’s no reflection on the boyfriend at all. It’s not disrespectful because it’s your baseline behaviour and predates him. Please seriously reconsider this new relationship
NTA. He’s insecure and it’s understandable but he can’t tell you not to have a cordial relationship with the father of your chilldren
NTA. Your BF is not ready to date someone who is divorced and has kids. He’s showing you his attempt at controlling you and your relationship with your ex. Pay attention.
Info: Are knocking and waiting to be invited in, or just waltzing in and yelling up the steps?
Being invited in- not TA. Just walking in- TA.
The BF will only get worse. The ex-husband is there to stay until the kids are grown, and the better the 2 of you get along, the better off the kids will be. Ditch the insecure boyfriend.
Nah, In this situation it would only be an issue if you Ex had a problem with it and you were boundary stomping against him. Your current BF needs to come to term with you guys having a co parent situation that works and has low stress (great for the kids). If he can’t that’s his problem and perhaps you need someone else that isn’t going to attempt control over this. It’s not like you are coming back looking like you had a quickie lol.
You have a healthy relationship with your kids dad and that’s the best thing you can do for them! Your new boyfriend doesn’t get a say so in this. He’s jealous. Big RED flag!
NTA. You’ve only been dating a couple of months and his feelings are supposed to turn your healthy, good-for-your-kids coparent relationship into a strained uncomfortable cliche so he doesn’t feel disrespected. Ick. Time to find someone more in line with your priorities. You’ll eventually share potential grandchildren, how’s he going to act at major events? Nope.
NTA. Ditch the boyfriend. He’s showing you who he is. Please listen. 🚩
NTA. Your boyfriend is not mature enough for a situation like this.
Why can’t you go in his house?
I don’t get it. I am friendly with most of my ex’s. Not everything needs to end in a huge dumpster fire. And it’s awesome for your kids to see you guys be friendly.
NTA. This is the life you’ve lived for a while now, it works for you and your family and this new guy is trying to take control and tell you what you can and can’t do. He’s a controlling red flag and you should probably leave him before he gets worse.
From experience, take a long break from dating, get therapy and afterwards you’ll be able to find green flag men.
All the best, OP!
You mean ex boyfriend.
Your ex boyfriend is threatened by your ex husband.
No man has a gilded dick.
NTA.
NTA but your bf sounds really insecure and not at all emotionally mature enough to date someone with an ex and kids. Props to you and your ex for a healthy co-parenting relationship. Don’t change that for this dude.
NTA. He has a problem with healthy co-parenting, and that’s not okay. You’re not his property.
Dump him! Dump him! Dump him! And do it now. This is way too new of a relationship for him to be trying to control your interactions. Not that it would ever be a good time. NTA.
You’ve got a good thing going with your ex, a very good thing that will serve you and your kids well as a family, think long and hard if you want to let the insecurities of your new boyfriend drive a wedge between that, is that really the future you want to sign up for?
It’s a good thing you are only a couple months in. This man I am assuming is in his late 30’s. He is exhibiting immature jealousy ie.. irrational suspicion, possessive and controlling behavior. He has low self esteem, possibly relationship trauma or maybe even worse behavior issues that might manifest into abuse.
If you really like him and you think he is the one you might make an ultimatum that he gets therapy.
NTA. Run.
Maybe ask to bring him inside with you? I think that sounds fair, without you having to leave him
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I feel it’s disrespectful for him to put his say into a relationship that he’s only encountered for a few months.
You should always put your kids first. The co-parenting arrangement you have works well for the kids so there is no reason to mess that up over a short term relationship.
Yta if you continue this relationship and strain the relationship with your children’s father. That will negatively impact them.
Why are we putting up with insecure men like this?
NTA
it’s great that you and your ex are able to co-parent that way. I wish my parents got along sooner
My dad wasn’t allowed in the house for about a decade after my parents divorced.. they both would do things to upset each other.. it really sucked, it got so much better once they could be civil with each other.
If your BF is so insecure about this maybe it’s time to move on. Your kids take priority and he needs to understand that you’re going to do what’s best for them. If he can’t handle how you co-parent then he’s not a keeper.
NTA – you’ve only been dating for two months, but if he’s trying to dictate your coparenting relationship, it may be time to upgrade for a better model
NTA – how old is your BF? I’d guess about 16 with his ideas about you not going into your ex’s house. What does he think is going to happen?
This screams of insecurity – have a long chat with him and if he still feels it’s wrong, time to move on.
NTA. This is totally normal and fine. Your bf is troublingly possessive.
NTA
If your ex doesn’t have a problem, and this is the normal for you, I don’t see why your boyfriend would have a problem. Maybe he’s a bit jealous?
NTA You have two kids already, you don’t need a baby. This is serious lunacy. My parents divorced when I was young and were always cordial. I’m in my 40s and my dad brought his girlfriend to my married mom’s birthday party. Your ex is going to be a part of yr future no matter what. This guy is telling you he’s going to make that miserable for you.
Eeek control disguised as discomfort- classic. Don’t fall for it.
Two months in is when someone starts to show their true colors. His mask is slipping, and he’s showing you he wants to control you. It only goes downhill from here.
I would be thrilled to date someone who co-parents like you and your ex do.
NTA, and I hope you dump the BF.
New guy needs to go.
NTA. Your boyfriend seems to feel he has the right to control you.
Dump him. If he’s like this after a couple months, it will only get worse.
You’ve been dating a few months and he has a problem with you entering your ex’s home for issues related to your children? I could understand if you were hanging out, making yourself comfy for 30-40 min or more but this sounds like you’re there 15-20 min tops, you take care of the issue then leave. Boyfriend sounds like a controlling asshole. It is way better for your kids if you and your ex maintain a friendly relationship. It’s also better for your life and mental health to be drama free. Do what’s better for your kids.
Your new boyfriend is insecure. If he’s uncomfortable with you remaining friendly with your ex and co-parent, only you can decide if you’re okay with that.
Also: how is it disrespectful? Ask him to spell it out for you. Because any answer will involve him not trusting you.
NTA
Your BF is the asshole. If two parents can get along well after splitting then that’s the best thing for the kids.
I mean you’ve obviously already banged this guy /s
NTA, don’t let your BF screw up something that works.
NTA, sounds like your BF is jealous.
You’ve been dating this man for two months, and he wants the right to dictate how you interact with your children and with your ex in a co-parenting capacity? You should make sure to shut down that insecure behavior immediately or it’ll only get worse. “It’s disrespectful to me that you talk to the father of your children about the kids”, it’s so weird and controlling…
NTA