I (26F) was recently fired from my job of almost three years (reason not relevant to this). I’ve taken this time to do some “soul searching” and really find out what I want to do with my life. One thing I’ve always wanted to do was live in a foreign country. The best way I have found to obtain that goal is to become an English teacher. I threw some applications out there and have been getting ALOT of traction and several job offers. I’ve accepted one and in the process of obtaining my work visa, which will take around three months. My departure is set for Jan/Feb of 2026. This all happened within 2 weeks, so the timeline was REALLY fast.
Here’s the issue: My bf (24M) and I have been dating for 3 years and live together with another roommate (my best friend). I briefly mentioned the English teacher position to my bf and he seemed excited saying it seemed like a cool opportunity, so I assumed he was ok with it. When I started getting interviews and offers I talked to him about it and what that would mean for our living situation. He was under the expectation that I would be covering my portion of the rent/utilities while I was away. I explained to him that it would leave me with literally no money since I would be paying rent in the new country as well. Now he’s not sure if he’d want to continue dating if I moved. I’m really conflicted if I should even go. I dont want us to break up, but I also don’t want this opportunity to slip from me.
So, AITA? What should I do?
EDIT**: Our lease ends in March 2026, and I agreed to pay until the end of the lease with some savings I have. Bf thought I would re-sign the lease while I’m away and pay for the following 12 months of the lease renewal.
EDIT 2**: My bf has gotten me through some really hard emotional times in my life, so unfortunately I lean on him A LOT. I may have also assumed that the long distance wouldn’t be an issue based on my own experiences with long distance in the past (I dated a guy from another country in college for a bit).
He also has a really hard time processing emotions, so I’m thinking this is a way for him to cope idk.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I (26F) was recently fired from my job of almost three years (reason not relevant to this). I’ve taken this time to do some “soul searching” and really find out what I want to do with my life. One thing I’ve always wanted to do was live in a foreign country. The best way I have found to obtain that goal is to become an English teacher. I threw some applications out there and have been getting ALOT of traction and several job offers. I’ve accepted one and in the process of obtaining my work visa, which will take around three months. My departure is set for Jan/Feb of 2026. This all happened within 2 weeks, so the timeline was REALLY fast.
Here’s the issue: My bf (24M) and I have been dating for 3 years and live together with another roommate (my best friend). I briefly mentioned the English teacher position to my bf and he seemed excited saying it seemed like a cool opportunity, so I assumed he was ok with it. When I started getting interviews and offers I talked to him about it and what that would mean for our living situation. He was under the expectation that I would be covering my portion of the rent/utilities while I was away. I explained to him that it would leave me with literally no money since I would be paying rent in the new country as well. Now he’s not sure if he’d want to continue dating if I moved. I’m really conflicted if I should even go. I dont want us to break up, but I also don’t want this opportunity to slip from me.
So, AITA? What should I do?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) not wanting to pay rent at old place when I am moving to a new country where I also have to pay rent
(2) not giving explaining a situation clearly enough
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA
My guess is this is a 2br where, you and your BF share a room and the roommate has their own room? You said you’re leaving in Jan/Feb and usually leases don’t end in winter, so that means you’re essentially planning to break the lease early and leave your BF and the roommate to figure it out.
Think about it the other way. Imagine if one of them just decided “Hey, I’m gonna move to a different place so you guys need to figure out how to pay my portion. Cheers!”. My guess is you’d be kinda pissed
NTA. You’re young still figuring out your path. don’t tie yourself down to any one person. Especially one who do not support your dreams 1000% no matter what hardship came.
I was in a similar position as you and I chose to stay instead. We’re no longer together. He’s happily married with kids and I’m here regretting not taking a chance on myself and taking a leap of faith that everything will be alright.
In summary. You’ll regret not going and the new experience and people you meet will overshadow whatever reasons you think you shouldn’t leave him.
NTA. You only live once. All the best on your adventure. 🥰🥰🥰
Of course you should not pay rent in your soon-to-be former apartment, while you’re living somewhere else. Give notice now, so they have plenty of time to replace you if they want to.
If you don’t want to lose your relationship, maybe invite your bf to come with you? If he doesn’t want to come, and doesn’t want to wait for you, that’s sad, but that’s life.
Definitely go! A chance to do something you always wanted to do! Some people never get that chance, and if you skip it, you’ll regret that.
And NAH however it plays out.
Let’s point out: He literally said he would break up with you if you didn’t cover part of his rent while you are living in a foreign country- NTA.
Who says this?! Now it’s possible it was a poor choice of words, and it’s easier for him emotionally to focus on the hard realities of the financial situation instead of the more nebulous feelings/relationship stuff. But this still isn’t a great sign of maturity or ability to successfully navigate a real relationship, especially a long-distance one.
NTA. Paying til the end of the lease is fair, but it would be ridiculous for you to resign a lease for an apartment you have no intention of living in.
NTA- you are legally obligated to pay out your lease. You told him you would do that. What he chooses to do after that is up to him. He has 6 months to figure it out. That’s plenty of time.
As someone who has done exactly this- move to a new country via teaching English, I will reiterate 1,000 times that it is completely worth it and you should not let ANYBODY hold you down or back from what will be an amazing period of growth and experience.
In addition, if your partner isn‘t going to go with you, I’m going to suggest to part ways now, because, trust me, a long distance situation like this is highly unlikely to continue. Is there a reason he doesn’t want to join you?
It does suck for him that there will be extra costs, but you guys will have to figure out how to sort that out, because paying rent and utilities for what could be years in an unstable romantic situation is not the way to go.
Im going to highlight some things here, in this regard:
Moving countries is hard, intense, exciting, and will change you as a person. It also means being an ADULT in regards to your affairs. Losing a partner sucks, but, opportunities to grow yourself are worth the loss, especially if they’re not coming along for the ride.
Edit: a word
NTA. You should decline to cosign a new lease for the simple reason that you’ll not be living in the apartment. What’s more, there’s no guarantee that you will move back to the country where you currently live at the end of your initial assignment; you might be offered and accept another assignment teaching English.
If your boyfriend expects you to pay rent as a condition of being able to move back in with him, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship.
INFO: Are you leaving your things in the apartment? If so, you need to pay rent. If not, you shouldn’t have to.
Either way, don’t pass up an incredible opportunity for a relationship. If your boyfriend was the real deal, he would do whatever it takes to make this work.
Youb signed a lease, you need to pay it regardless if you are there or not.
But i don’t know why anyone without think you would extend that rental lease whey you are living in another country
a lot. An English teacher should know this.
Your boyfriend is TA. Take the opportunity to break free and really enjoy your new country.
Hmm. Looks like he’s going to have to buy some new furniture then.
NTA. “Bf thought I would re-sign the lease while I’m away.” Why would you do that? Bf assumed wrong. He has plenty of time to make a new arrangement.
YTA for trashing a 3-year relationship for a fun job opportunity without even a real discussion. Presenting it as an exciting opportunity (for you) and not caring how it impacts your romantic partner. Did you even invite him to come with you? Do you think he should stay in a relationship with someone who cares so little about his wellbeing after 3 YEARS together? You don’t even bother to acknowledge this is a breakup. Wow
Break up and Pay through the end of the lease and move your stuff into storage so they can get another roommate in. You are not obligated pass the lease expiration date. I’d go as far as to email the landlord with the roommates in copy informing him/her that you are leaving the country and that you will not be resigning the lease and to handle future negotiations and communications with the other two roommates. This leaves zero room for confusion as all parties have been made aware of your intentions.
NTA. You’re paying to the end of the lease and at that point you’ll no longer be on the lease/living there so it doesn’t make sense you’d continue to pay when you’re not even there anymore. As for the bf situation honestly good luck making this work because the odds aren’t in your favor. It’s time for you to choose if you want to live your dream or keep your bf because I doubt you’ll be able to have both
You’ve wanted to live abroad for a long time. Don’t let a man ruin this opportunity for you. If he breaks up with you then so be it. Paying rent until next March is fine but you are definitely not responsible for the next lease, especially because y’all never even talked about it.
ESH, but you’re much worse.
You had one brief conversation with your boyfriend of three years about the possibility of maybe going overseas. No planning, no clear timeline or details, no consideration for what this would mean for your relationship before you made a decision to go, even though you’ve built a life together.
I could not imagine doing that to someone I love and see as a serious partner. Even if I was committed to doing this for myself, my partner would be an active part of the discussion and planning before I started putting in applications, so we could figure out a timeline and plan that worked for both of us.
He shouldn’t have made the assumption, and it’s not a particularly realistic assumption for you to continue paying for things, but I get how he arrived there.
It sounds like you went about your planning with the assumption that your relationship would continue as it is, just long distance. From his end, if that was your approach, I would assume that your overseas trip was temporary, and you intended to return to our relationship and home afterwards. If your didn’t engage him in planning how to separate your lives, it’s not that wild that he assumed your plan was not to separate your lives. In which case, your responsibilities are still your responsibilities.
It seems like you assumed he would be fine with not just having a long distance relationship, but with dramatically reducing your entanglements and responsibilities to each other while not letting that impact your intimacy or how serious the relationship is.
Some people can do that, but it generally requires both parties to come to a decision together, and make sure any plans balance, the needs of both partners and the relationship, and it does not sound like that happened here at all.
I think it’s perfectly reasonable for him to consider ending the relationship entire lay given that you have unilaterally made such massive changes to the relationship with what sounds like minimal and ineffective communication. In his shoes I would assume I was not a priority to you, and if u was going to deal with the stress and pressure of uprooting my whole life and routines plus doubling my household expenses I might as well deal with grieving the end of the relationship too, instead of clinging to a situation where I’m clearly a low priority.