I, (27 f) have two sisters, let’s call them Anna and Claire.
A few months ago Claire eloped with her wife. I was the only family member there, and was technically the only one invited. Claire’s wife’s parents weren’t even technically invited but they decided to come and made the effort to fly out. My family mostly had legit reasons for not going like work, money, and other obligations. Claire didn’t expect anyone to show up so she wasn’t upset about it.
A few years earlier Anna, my other sister, got married through a religious ceremony that excluded anyone who wasn’t an active member of the religion. Since Claire and I had both left the religion we couldn’t go. Anna could have chosen to do a public ceremony first and then the religious one after, which is pretty common within the religion, but she didn’t. I remember feeling hurt because I really wanted to be there. However, I would never take it out on her. It was her wedding and her choice.
The problem came up when my dad started ranting about Claire’s elopement. He thinks she did it as a personal slight against him. He’s still bitter because when Claire was first planning a traditional wedding she wanted her sisters to walk her down the aisle instead of him. Honestly the drama around that was part of the reason she decided to elope in the first place.
I told him that to me, Claire’s choice felt similar to Anna’s wedding. I wasn’t saying they meant the same thing. What I meant was that in both cases family wasn’t able to be part of the actual ceremony, just for different reasons. And I know how much it hurt me to be left out of Anna’s wedding even though I never blamed her.
My dad blew up and said it’s not the same at all. In his eyes Anna’s wedding was sacred and Claire’s was selfish. But to me the end result was the same, family being left out of a huge moment for reasons the individuals left out could not control.
So AITA for making that comparison?
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I, (27 f) have two sisters, let’s call them Anna and Claire.
A few months ago Claire eloped with her wife. I was the only family member there. Her wife’s parents weren’t even technically invited but they decided to come and made the effort to fly out. My family mostly had legit reasons for not going like work, money, and other obligations. Claire didn’t expect anyone to show up so she wasn’t upset about it.
A few years earlier Anna got married through a religious ceremony that excluded anyone who wasn’t an active member. Since Claire and I had both left the religion we couldn’t go. Anna could have chosen to do a public ceremony first and then the religious one after, which is pretty common within the religion, but she didn’t. I remember feeling hurt because I really wanted to be there. However, I would never take it out on her. It was her wedding and her choice.
The problem came up when my dad started ranting about Claire’s elopement. He thinks she did it as a personal slight against him. He’s still bitter because when Claire was first planning a traditional wedding she wanted her sisters to walk her down the aisle instead of him. Honestly the drama around that was part of the reason she decided to elope in the first place.
I told him that to me, Claire’s choice felt similar to Anna’s wedding. I wasn’t saying they meant the same thing. What I meant was that in both cases family wasn’t able to be part of the actual ceremony, just for different reasons. And I know how much it hurt me to be left out of Anna’s wedding even though I never blamed her.
My dad blew up and said it’s not the same at all. In his eyes Anna’s wedding was sacred and Claire’s was selfish. But to me the end result was the same, family being left out of a huge moment for reasons the individuals left out could not control.
So AITA for making that comparison?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think that perhaps I invalidated his feelings or religious beliefs by drawing a parallel between the two situations.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, but your dad seems like he is, especially if your sister felt like she couldn’t have the wedding she wanted to because of him.
Except, you’re family had the opportunity to attend Claire’s wedding and chose not to. They may have had reasons not to attend but that isn’t the same as being left out. It’s not the same as Anna.
YTA for equating the two, along with your father
I think that your Mormon dad is just mad that his daughter is gay and that his bigotry means he’s had to face consequences
But perhaps I’m wrong