Boyfriends parents are staying with us for three weeks. It’s not the first time, but I’ve only just noticed that they use the bathroom for both #1 and #2, flush, and leave without washing their hands. The mom cooks, cleans and does laundry and touches everything. They rarely brush teeth either and are generally not clean people.
I mentioned it to my boyfriend, and now if he sees them leave the bathroom, he asks them to wash their hands and they might reluctantly do it. But if he’s not around, it doesn’t happen. I wish I never noticed it because now I feel gross, knowing food and everything I touch could be contaminated with pee or fecal matter and just the mental thought.
I’m really grateful for their hospitality, but when they’re not here, we cook for ourselves. My boyfriend is hygenic and doesn’t like it either, but responded as if I’m being harsh and unreasonable and there’s nothing more he can do since they are old and won’t learn or listen. He said if I mention it to his mom, she will freak out, get angry and hold a grudge with me and the relationship will be ruined with her (apparently she’s a big child and that’s the way she is). To make it even more difficult they speak little English and I speak little Spanish.
I’m avoiding meals when possible, reducing contact and sanitising everything I use. The mum makes large meals for everyone so can’t just cook for myself without it being awkward.
I’ve considered staying with my family until they leave, but I know it would upset my boyfriend, and his parents would probably think I’m rude since they’ve come from abroad. It also makes me worry If I want to have a child, I don’t want them around this disgusting habit.
It’s like im the asshole here for being annoyed someone can’t spare 20 seconds to wash their hands after wiping their ass for the sake of others. I’m not a germ freak by any means but to me this is bare minimum
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Boyfriends parents are staying with us for three weeks. It’s not the first time, but I’ve only just noticed that they use the bathroom for both #1 and #2, flush, and leave without washing their hands. The mom cooks, cleans and does laundry and touches everything. They rarely brush teeth either and are generally not clean people.
I mentioned it to my boyfriend, and now if he sees them leave the bathroom, he asks them to wash their hands and they might reluctantly do it. But if he’s not around, it doesn’t happen. I wish I never noticed it because now I feel gross, knowing food and everything I touch could be contaminated with pee or fecal matter and just the mental thought.
I’m really grateful for their hospitality, but when they’re not here, we cook for ourselves. My boyfriend is hygenic and doesn’t like it either, but responded as if I’m being harsh and unreasonable and there’s nothing more he can do since they are old and won’t learn or listen. He said if I mention it to his mom, she will freak out, get angry and hold a grudge with me and the relationship will be ruined with her (apparently she’s a big child and that’s the way she is). To make it even more difficult they speak little English and I speak little Spanish.
I’m avoiding meals when possible, reducing contact and sanitising everything I use. The mum makes large meals for everyone so can’t just cook for myself without it being awkward.
I’ve considered staying with my family until they leave, but I know it would upset my boyfriend, and his parents would probably think I’m rude since they’ve come from abroad. It also makes me worry If I want to have a child, I don’t want them around this disgusting habit.
It’s like im the asshole here for being annoyed someone can’t spare 20 seconds to wash their hands after wiping their ass for the sake of others. I’m not a germ freak by any means but to me this is bare minimum
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my boyfriend to tell his parents to wash their hands. Apparently I’m the asshole for being upset by this
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
put hand sanitiser in the kitchen, and make a point of using it yourself, and offering them some when they are about to cook
NTA but I have no advice, that’s just wild. I cannot comprehend people not being able to look at themselves enough to at least be sanitary? It feels like in this day and age it takes effort to stay ignorant to germs and low level sanitation?
NTA. This is grim. Unfortunately there isn’t a great deal that can be done short of telling them that they can’t stay in your home.
NTA but you won’t change them. People like this simply will not change. They don’t see it as important and so to them it isn’t. Them spreading germs to other people is a reality they don’t want to factor in, and neither is the fact that they are being utterly inconsiderate to others. To admit they are wrong would require admitting to themselves that they’ve been filthy and rude for most of their lives, plus they’d have to face making extra effort every day for the rest of their lives. Far more comfortable to stick their shit-particle-covered fingers in their ears and not hear anything (after which they’d wonder why they both mysteriously have an ear infections).
NTA. I understand some people aren’t taught to wash each time they go to the bathroom (I’m older & I wasn’t told to do it by my mother as I got older I saw that it was a necessary & normal routine) but no one is too old to learn they should do so when prepping food for themselves, let alone others. My 93 year old mother now lives with me & I don’t allow her to prepare food because I notice her soap dispenser stays pretty full for way too long compared to how often I refill mine 😁. Mentioning it to her would result in hurt feelings & an argument so I just work around it. If there is some excuse you could use to cook for yourself (allergies, upset stomach, special diet), I would find it. I wouldn’t say anything to avoid alienating them but your boyfriend should try to gently remind them until they get the message that they need to do it around others.
There’s now shit and piss on everything in your house. If your boyfriend can’t stand up to them about this, then I think it’s time for the relationship to end. NTA.
Ah, the good old “ageist”, “but they’re ooolddd” excuse. Weirdly, this just promotes dangerous ageist behavior. They are dirty people. That’s it. If they can wash their hands when their son reminds them, then they can do it every time. NTA and I wouldn’t eat a thing she touches. Ever.