EDIT: This event happened last year. Forgot to mention it in my original submission.
this happened last year when I was 26, 4 months pregnant with my first kid, and I’m still fuming about what went down at Thanksgiving. My MIL (60) has always been pushy, always gotta be the center of attention, but this time she crossed a line that’s got me shaking with rage. I need to know if I was the asshole for how I handled it.
Me and my husband (28 back then) decided to keep my pregnancy quiet until I was further along, ya know? I had a miscarriage last year, so we’re super cautious. Only my parents and his parents knew, and we told them to keep it hush-hush. I’m showing a bit, but I’ve been wearing baggy sweaters to hide it. So, Thanksgiving rolls around at MIL’s house big family deal, 30 people crammed around tables, turkey, the works. I’m already stressed cuz I’m nauseous and trying to act normal while dodging wine questions.
Right in the middle of dessert, MIL stands up, clinks her glass, and says, “I have a special announcement! My son and his wife are expecting a baby!” The room explodes cheers, clapping, my cousins-in-law rushing to hug me. I’m frozen, heart pounding, feeling totally betrayed. We hadn’t told anyone else, and she KNEW we wanted it private! I’m so pissed and humiliated, like my personal moment got stolen. My husband’s face goes white, he’s whispering, “Mom, what the hell?” but she’s just beaming like she did us a favor.
I couldn’t hold it in. I stood up, hands shaking, and yelled, “Why would you do that? We told you it was private! You had no right!” The room goes dead silent, like pin-drop awkward. MIL’s smile drops, and she starts stammering, “I just thought everyone would be happy! You’re being so dramatic!” My FIL chimes in, saying I’m “ruining the holiday” and should be grateful for family excitement. I’m fighting tears, feeling ganged up on, and snap back, “This isn’t your moment to steal!” I stormed to the kitchen to cool off, but half the family’s now whispering I’m ungrateful and made it “all about me.”
Later, my husband backed me up, but said I shouldn’t have yelled in front of everyone, could’ve waited till after dinner. Now MIL’s texting me, saying I embarrassed her in her own house and owe her an apology. Some aunts are on her side, saying I overreacted and “it’s a joyful thing, lighten up.” But I’m still so mad, she took something sacred from me! AITA for blowing up like that? I feel like she disrespected me, but maybe I went too far?
to this day i don’t speak with my MIL and don’t know what i should do
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I’m 26, 4 months pregnant with my first kid, and I’m still fuming about what went down at Thanksgiving. My MIL (60) has always been pushy, always gotta be the center of attention, but this time she crossed a line that’s got me shaking with rage. I need to know if I was the asshole for how I handled it.
Me and my husband (28) decided to keep my pregnancy quiet until I was further along, ya know? I had a miscarriage last year, so we’re super cautious. Only my parents and his parents knew, and we told them to keep it hush-hush. I’m showing a bit, but I’ve been wearing baggy sweaters to hide it. So, Thanksgiving rolls around at MIL’s house big family deal, 30 people crammed around tables, turkey, the works. I’m already stressed cuz I’m nauseous and trying to act normal while dodging wine questions.
Right in the middle of dessert, MIL stands up, clinks her glass, and says, “I have a special announcement! My son and his wife are expecting a baby!” The room explodes cheers, clapping, my cousins-in-law rushing to hug me. I’m frozen, heart pounding, feeling totally betrayed. We hadn’t told anyone else, and she KNEW we wanted it private! I’m so pissed and humiliated, like my personal moment got stolen. My husband’s face goes white, he’s whispering, “Mom, what the hell?” but she’s just beaming like she did us a favor.
I couldn’t hold it in. I stood up, hands shaking, and yelled, “Why would you do that? We told you it was private! You had no right!” The room goes dead silent, like pin-drop awkward. MIL’s smile drops, and she starts stammering, “I just thought everyone would be happy! You’re being so dramatic!” My FIL chimes in, saying I’m “ruining the holiday” and should be grateful for family excitement. I’m fighting tears, feeling ganged up on, and snap back, “This isn’t your moment to steal!” I stormed to the kitchen to cool off, but half the family’s now whispering I’m ungrateful and made it “all about me.”
Later, my husband backed me up, but said I shouldn’t have yelled in front of everyone, could’ve waited till after dinner. Now MIL’s texting me, saying I embarrassed her in her own house and owe her an apology. Some aunts are on her side, saying I overreacted and “it’s a joyful thing, lighten up.” But I’m still so mad, she took something sacred from me! AITA for blowing up like that? I feel like she disrespected me, but maybe I went too far?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Okay, I’m asking if I’m the asshole for yelling at my MIL right in the middle of her Thanksgiving party in front of everybody after she spilled the beans about my pregnancy without asking me. What I did was jump up during the toasts and totally lay into her, saying she had no damn right to share my news and that she stole my special moment. I’m thinking I might be the asshole cuz I went off on her in front of her whole family and friends, like, totally humiliated her and tanked her holiday vibe. My husband and some aunts are all like, “u should’ve talked to her private,” and now I’m stressing I maybe overdid it. I was so mad she betrayed me, but probly could’ve chilled and talked later, ya know? That’s why I’m worried I screwed up bad.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
wow you are so NOT the asshole here. Your MIL completely violated your trust, knowing how sensitive this is after your miscarriage. That was YOUR moment to share, not hers to steal for attention. I’d be livid too!
Yelling might’ve shocked the room, but you were betrayed in front of 30 people! Who wouldn’t snap? Your MIL’s “I thought everyone would be happy” excuse is such BS, she just wanted the spotlight. And your FIL piling on? that’s unfair.
So thanks giving is in November right? Is this an old story? Baby born yet? Or a stolen story? Is there a thanksgiving somewhere I don’t know about? (Other country?)
In any case, You were right, it wasn;’t hers to steal and anounce. I don’t think you were to harsh. She’s be on an information diet for the forseeable future. Can’t share what she doesn’t know. NTA
Your MIL stole your moment, knowing it was private. Yelling wasn’t ideal but I’d lose it too. She owes you an apology, not the other way around
Sooo, where do you live that thanksgiving already happened?
Edit: Suuuper interesting that OP deleted their post history after I commented that it’s not consistent with this already inconsistent story.
NTA she was very much in the wrong, and you were caught unaware. Honestly people like that bank on the idea that the person they’re offending will opt not to make a scene, and I think they are emboldened in their behavior as a result.
She owes you an apology. I’d go low contact over this. She’s proven she cannot be trusted with information about your pregnancy and doesn’t care enough about YOU and your experiences here to take your lead on this. You should tell your husband you consider all the information about the pregnancy to be your private medical info and that you’re telling him now that you do not consent to it being shared – to anyone.
It’s a super unfortunate way to embark on this new phase. Obviously you all want this to be going differently. But you need boundaries and she has stomped them. She owes you an apology, but you could apologize in response for having the reaction you did, since you were taken very off guard. I wouldn’t offer one unless she apologizes first – in the vein of taking her apology and helping to repair the situation for positivity moving forward.
Fake story, unless OP is “still fuming” from October/November 2024.
Thanksgiving in the US isn’t for two more months. Thanksgiving in Canada is mid-October. Several other countries celebrate Thanksgiving as well, but they are all also in October and November.
NTA
I would have, at most, found it somewhat annoying.
Would I try to remember to be careful what I tell her…sure.
Would I have blown and acted like someone just killed my puppy, absolutely not.
Not every transgression deserves a nuclear reaction
So yes, YTA
Don’t tell jer the gender, don’t tell her the due date…. heck I would even let her find out about the birth after the fact (or on FB post with everyone else).
NTA you did nothing wrong. She knew to keep it quiet, ignored you, and then tried to blame you when you were rightfully upset.
If I were you, I would try to let this one go so you aren’t carrying the rage, it’s hurting you more than anyone else at this point, but I would never tell her anything private again. She earned herself a place on the “do not tell” list.
First of all, it IS about you! She made it about her. This is fucked up on so many levels. You absolutely should embarrass her so she might learn a lesson about boundaries. Tell anyone commenting in her defense that it was not only not her news to share, but that prior to the dinner you had explicitly told her it was a secret until you decide it isn’t and ask how they would feel if she announced their personal medical conditions to the family. Do not back down on this and do not ever share any intimate detail of your lives again with this entitled a-hole.
NTA. You told them you didn’t want anyone to know…Full Stop. She was out of line and now she should suffer the consequences. Don’t let her get away with it or she will always be pushing the envelope.
NTA
That wasn’t her news to share.
Do you allow her to see your baby?
NTA. Your MIL and FIL suck, and I hope your husband smartens up.
NTA
Apology (if you do it) “ I’m so sorry that you felt the need to share something that we asked you previously not to mention “