AITA,
My gf and I have been dating for 3 years. We both work at the same job and socialise lots with other people at work. We started dating when we were both lower levels but I’ve since jumped a few tiers at work. She’s been dropping hints of an airwrap. I earn good money and this last week have been doing higher duties at work and got a pay rise for the week so I thought I would splurge.
Here’s the dilemma, all the dysons look the same to me and my boy eyes. So I asked one of the girls from our work which one to get.
Now my gf is mad because it’s embarrassing having this other person know how much I’m spending; it gives the appearance that my gf is only dating me for my money (friends who have known we dated before hand know this to be false); and I asked not my gfs best friend (who I get along with well enough but not super well, and also works at our work).
She’s gotten mad at me and told me all of these things and I just not sure if I have crossed a line?
AITA?
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AITA,
My gf and I have been dating for 3 years. We both work at the same job and socialise lots with other people at work. We started dating when we were both lower levels but I’ve since jumped a few tiers at work. She’s been dropping hints of an airwrap. I earn good money and this last week have been doing higher duties at work and got a pay rise for the week so I thought I would splurge.
Here’s the dilemma, all the dysons look the same to me and my boy eyes. So I asked one of the girls from our work which one to get.
Now my gf is mad because it’s embarrassing having this other person know how much I’m spending; it gives the appearance that my gf is only dating me for my money (friends who have known we dated before hand know this to be false); and I asked not my gfs best friend (who I get along with well enough but not super well, and also works at our work).
She’s gotten mad at me and told me all of these things and I just not sure if I have crossed a line?
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked a girl at my work which airwrap I should buy, my gf is calling me an asshole because it’s socially embarrassing advertising how much money I’m spending on her
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
This is the most first world problem that has ever first worlded!
So much drama.
NTA!
Your girlfriend is being ridiculous. Nta. Next time ask her to send you a link.
Your girlfriend is being ridiculous. Nta. Next time ask her to send you a link.
Who the fk cares what money others make? Like dafuq is wrong with ur girl? Just make her happy, let her enjoy her gift and give 2 fcks about these damn colleagues
NTA – its not like you are bragging about spending money on her – merely asking for a suggestion to ensure your money is spent wisely.
NTA. Believe me if someone cares they can look it up and if it’s a popular thing like an Air wrap, they most likely already know about how much it costs when your gf shows up with Air Wrap curls
If your girlfriend is getting bent because someone knows what you bought her, I’d be reevaluating the relationship. Creating drama instead of being grateful that you took the time and effort to get the correct item is concerning to me.
Tbf I once was going to buy the ariwrap, but looked same as the vacuum and I got wrong thing.
NTA. Your girlfriend is having an insecurity issue, caring about appearances and impressions. No one is thinking what she’s worried about though. You are getting her a gift, that’s a nice thing. Anyone that would read further into that has their own issues.
I do worry though that she goes to this place in her head. Either she’s heard comments or she is projecting her own feelings onto others.
You need to seriously sit down with her and ask why she is jumping to these wild places.
[deleted]
Your gf is ungrateful and ridiculous.
NTA. It’s perfectly reasonable to ask others for advice.
If she’s that upset, next time just have your gf send you a link to the one she wants.
Though I have a feeling she will complain that it spoiled the surprise
This is ridiculously ungrateful behaviour from your gf. If that’s the way she feels take it back and get a full refund. She can buy one for herself when she can afford it.
You were being incredibly generous and it was thoughtful of you to get advice from your colleagues as to which one to choose. You are NTA here.
NTA. It sounds like your girlfriend may have a complicated relationship with money, which would explain her reaction. But you’ve done nothing wrong
NTA
She’s making problems out of thin air. You got her the gift she wanted and instead of being thankful, she’s looking for reasons to be upset.
NTA – at first, I thought this post was going to say something like “my girlfriend is mad I spent all this money getting this thing for her” but honestly this is worse… Your girlfriend is overreacting, I seriously doubt that anyone is thinking that she’s just with you for the money based on this one thing
You’re buying her a nice gift 3 years into the relationship? I’d hardly say that alludes to dating you for the money, especially if you were more or less equally paid when you started dating.
NTA
nta, if she wants to keep your finances private then she should be prepared to look for and pick her own gifts out bc this kinda ridiculous to be upset about. i doubt ppl will see u spending on ur gf and think “damn maybe i should ask for money”
I have a Dyson supersonic, a Dyson airwrap and a Dyson airstraight 💅 Is this really a massive expense for a gift that warrants being upset about rather than grateful? Wow. I’ll keep buying myself gifts and stay happy.
NTA. I think your gf is being extra sensitive about this one. Maybe something else is going on in her mind unrelated to the present? But you’re definitely not AH for asking a mutual coworker for help picking out the right product.
NTA
You totally were being thorough and seeking advice. Your gf needs to settle down.
NTA – you did a nice thing and went the extra mile to make sure you got the desired item.
GF’s best friend (1) will know that you gifted gf an airwrap and will know how much it costs and (2) – and more importantly – should know, like, and respect your gf well enough that she wouldn’t make such a negative assumption about gf.
Your gf’s reaction seems pretty off. The question for you is why she’s having it. The reasons make a big difference to how you respond/view the relationship.
She may have deep and complex feelings surrounding her status at work relative to yours (and/or issues with this ‘bff’ from work). That doesn’t make her an AH. It is something she needs to be able to acknowledge and the two of you need to be able to discuss and work through.
If this reaction is consistent with gf’s general character, then you have to ask if that’s an aspect of her nature you are willing to live with.
NTA she has head up her ass. Hopefully she’s usually reasonable and this is a one-off situation.
Return the item and just give her a card since. That’ll show everyone how she’s not with you for your money. /s
WTF NTA
You don’t discuss personal details about your relationship with your coworker girlfriend with other female coworkers. Simple and straightforward rules of behavior when it comes to inter-employee relations. I don’t think you’re so dumb that you don’t know any better.
I used to have that problem. She would hide the gifts I got her because they were too expensive. If I told someone what I got her, she’d get mad. I suggest you walk away now. And just buy yourself something expensive instead.
NtTA. See if validating her and telling her you understand her insecurities helps. If that doesn’t help and she doesn’t move on and appreciate the gift I would talk to her about how that makes you feel.
NTA…her reaction isn’t mature or appreciative.
Wth? Nta.
You are not the ASS. But don’t screw this up: give her a hug! And say
I’m sorry the way this is shaping up:”love ya”
eh one of my bfs friends has major issues anytime my bf spends any money on me (he once got mad when he thought my bf would buy me a 3 dollar drink😭) so i kinda get it but i also don’t think this situation is like that
I’m going against the grain here and saying NAH.
You’re not in the wrong at all and it’s really thoughtful and a hella spendy gift to get.
As you work in the same place and you’re more senior (even if you started at the same level), I can totally understand that she would be worried about her perception at the office – yeah it’s 2025 but the “sleeping with the boss” tropes and comments are unfortunately still alive and well. If she likes the company and intends to progress there I can see why she would be concerned about that perception – I do think it’s an overreaction but I don’t think it’s “ungrateful” as some are saying.
Ya dropped $$$ on a high-end gift without even askin’ her if she was cool with it. Like, sure price tag doesn’t determine worth, but it’s about respect, y’know? You gotta communicate, it’s a two-way street. Her happiness > fancy gifts.
Nta and take it back to the shop.
What the actual fuck? I bought the most expensive Roomba and named it fucker. My mistake was naming it without asking my gf’s opinion.. My gf and I still live together and love each other, but we share custody of fucker.
NTA
NTA.
Return the gift and get a refund.
Let her ungrateful ass buy her own airwrap.
NTA but I understand your gf’s dilemma. Perhaps she didn’t want anyone in your business. Next time just surprise her some roses etc and take her to the store with you. Tell her that you’re sorry that you didn’t know which she would prefer and then purchase it. Some people are private about their relationship especially since you both work at the same company. You also never know who could be secretly jealous of said relationship and you are giving them ammo by telling them your business. Just another perspective.
It’s all good, I can send you my address and you can gift it to me, pretty sure hubby won’t mind ✌🏾
NTA, you were being thoughtful and acting on hints, which not all men get.
NTA.
I’m a chronic overthinker, and even I think she’s overthinking it.
You got her a nice, expensive present with what amounted to a bonus (as it sounds like you’re not getting this pay regularly). You talked to someone so that you’d get the right one.
And instead of being grateful, she’s worried about some woman you work with knowing that you got her a nice present?
There’s either missing information here or your GF needs to stop and think “why am I more worried about what some woman thinks, why am I assuming it’s negative, and why was I thinking about that instead of ‘omg, my BF listened to me, put effort in and spent his extra money on me instead of himself’?
Nta return that shit and get yourself something.
NTA! It sounds like that’s how she feels and she’s projecting it onto you.
Lool NTA in the slightest! I love telling everyone what my bf does for me. Its important that we share all the good that comes with relationships and sometimes that looks like sharing what you do for each other. I equally go over all the things and surprises I do for my bf because its fun and i love sharing it.
Don’t let this stop you from doing more things for your gf, she’s a lucky gal, Dysons are not cheap! She may have other concerns that you may want to check in with her about
Normally I would say NTA if you and your gf had different workplaces, however you don’t.
The reality is that a lot of workplaces tend to be gossip circles and as soon as one person learns something, everyone knows and you can’t control how it is being framed.
The fact that your girlfriend also works in the same place as you is what makes this tricky. Your coworker that you talked to (and we’ll have to assume now every coworker) are also her coworkers. You’ve opened the door for your girlfriend and your relationship to be a topic of conversation and, likely, gossip.
For that reason, gentle YTA.
You need to apologize to your gf for not thinking through the possible implications of discussing your relationship with a coworker. Discuss and agree on boundaries for both of you moving forward regarding discussing your relationship in the workplace.
NTA. Is it stupidly overpriced for a hair curler? Yeah. It’s not like you bought her a brand new car and paraded the info through the office, though.
Can you give that Dyson to me and just dump the over reacting exhausting girlfriend?
You mean ex gf right ?
Info: How does your gf know that you asked advice? Did you just happen to mention it when you gave her the gift, or did the other person make snide remarks about it?
Either way I don’t think you did anything wrong, but in the latter case, her feelings are understandable.
She’s overthinking this. No one in this story except her gives a shit about the fact that you want to spend your money on a present for your gf.
NTA
She’s got issues. I used to be just like your gf and had problems receiving expensive gifts.
My issues were from fear of transactional relationships. Talk to her.
Please let her read this response: it is okay to feel like others think that it is just about the money. Ive been there.
Here is the piece that is true. This girl that he asked is only jealous. So in the context of reality… She fears the jealousy of other women.
THAT will never go away. They would make that up even without the “proof” that it was for the gifts.
They didnt need the ammo. And people who talk about your motive for money want your man.
Also have experienced that. Its the highest form of flattery. Fuqdembitxhs.
And for you…
I have been very very picky my whole life. I got hoop earrings once that were oval instead of round and i wasnt happy.
Ive had many gifts at christmas be wrong and ive refused to keep them.
I give you this: when you gift to her… Just give the caveat: if you want to return it for a different version, that will not hurt my feelings ever.
This is EXACTLY HOW I GIFT NOW BECAUSE I WAS A DISAPPOINTED receiver so many times.
I want the person I gift to do something with the presents. And love them.. even if that means exchanging them. Never been bothered a day in my life by gift giving and them exchanging it. They usually love the gift to be honest. I’m good at giving.
Can’t vote here cuz nobody is the asshole. You just need to never ask a coworker anything personal. Or tell info.
Coworkers are NEVER friends. Always the enemy. They will F you some way some day.
Finding bones in an egg, that one.
NTA, asking a female friend to double check your gift idea is a good thing.
She has an insecurity about the earning gap and is projecting it. Al you can really do is be understanding of it and reassure her that’s not what people are seeing in your relationship.
NTA return the gift and buy something for yourself
NTA she’s being a silly female over nothing at all.
This comign from a female that used to think stupid shit..
Just ask her if she wants it or not.
If not, give it to your sister/mum/aunt etc
I don’t think anyone’s an asshole – just sounds like your gf is insecure about how you now earn more money than her (i’m presuming that as you say you’ve jumped a few tiers but she hasn’t).
Though her dropping hints about a specific gift then being mad for you planning to get it is maybe straying into asshole territory on her part. What was she hoping, that you would get it for her but not tell a single person about it ever?
NTA
NTA. Your gf seem immature. Who gives a fuck? Instead of being happy and grateful she choses this. Nahm take it away. Let her buy it herself honestly- coming from a woman.