Although Its self-explanatory here it goes. My friend (25F) lets call her A, is a psychologist and is opening her office so she starts taking clients in.Here’s the tricky part my mother (63F) has shown interest in joining therapy sessions with her.
However Im extremely uncomfortable with that , Im not against my mother having therapy sessions but having these sessions with a close friend of mine (they do know each other if that matters, and our families are acquaintances) makes it really weird for me at least and I dont want to hang out with my mothers therapist.
WIBTA If I took a step back from our friendship over it?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
Although Its self-explanatory here it goes. My friend (25F) lets call her A, is a psychologist and is opening her office so she starts taking clients in.Here’s the tricky part my mother (63F) has shown interest in joining therapy sessions with her.
However Im extremely uncomfortable with that , Im not against my mother having therapy sessions but having these sessions with a close friend of mine (they do know each other if that matters, and our families are acquaintances) makes it really weird for me at least and I dont want to hang out with my mothers therapist.
WIBTA If I took a step back from our friendship over it?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Im talking about if i would be the ah ending a friendship over this incident
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NAH. Very understandable.
[deleted]
If your friend decides there is no conflict in seeing your mother, that is her decision. Your decision to setback from the friendship is YOUR decision. Seems clear you feel your mother is going to be discussing you/your relationship with your friend. If she is a professional, not only will she not bring it up, she will not let it let it affect your relationship; to the extent she treats you any different then she is likely not being a professional either in accepting your mom as a patient or in her ability to separate confidential discussions when dealing with non-patients.
There is nothing wrong with you making your own decision. YWNBTA
YWNBTA. Also it’s not ethical for your friend to treat your mother, because the therapist is already your friend. Therapists are not supposed to engage in professional relationships that would incur conflicts of interest.
NAH–your hesitation is understandable, and yet I can understand why your mom would be interested. That said, if the families know each other, it is very likely that A would not/could not ethically be your mom’s therapist. The best move might be for A to recommend someone for your mother; referring patients strengthens her professional contacts as she’s starting her new practice.
I would definitely say that you should bring this subject up straightforwardly with A, rather than just distancing yourself without a word.
NTA if this situation plays out and you distance yourself. Regardless of how professional your friend is, the dynamic of the friendship will change. You have no idea how much personal information about you your mom will share with your friend. Information that you may not be comfortable having someone who is a friend knowing. It will be extremely difficult to remain friends with that hanging over you.
And your friend is human. Inevitably they will start treating you differently based on what they know about you from your mom.
YTA.
Also, you are not clear if this therapist is only a friend and NOT your therapist, or they ARE your therapist that you consider a friend.
Bottom line, that therapist could cost themselves their license if they even admitted to you they were seeing your mom, much less discuss the topics of their sessions with you. I’ll guarantee it is not going to happen.
If you ARE seeing this therapist professionally, and she DOES also see your mom in the same way, it’s YOUR call to stop seeing her over it. But not because the therapist is going to share info between the two of you.
[deleted]
NTA
This is a clear conflict of interest. Your friend can’t be impartial, and it could be harmful. Friend should recommend a different therapist.
Honestly, this sounds like the sitcom no one asked for: ‘My Best Friend, My Mom’s Therapist.’ 😂 Totally get why it feels weird — nobody wants to grab brunch with someone who just spent an hour unpacking their mom’s deepest secrets. You wouldn’t be the a-hole for creating some healthy distance. Boundaries aren’t mean, they’re like Wi-Fi passwords — you gotta set them or people connect to places they shouldn’t.
INFO: is there any indication that your friend would accept her as a client? seems highly unethical and if she’s a decent therapist at all this won’t be an issue because she’ll just refuse.
YWNBTA. Honestly, your mom should consider how this would affect you. If your friend said yes to counseling your mom (knowing that she could learn things about you that you personally may not want to share), it makes absolutely sense to step back. Your friend would be deciding that having your mom as a client is more important than having you as a friend.
NAH! I understand tour hold up and your mothers desire to see a therapist she’s already familiar with.
Does your friend have any idea that this discussion is happening? Because she has every right to deny your mother as a patient. She most likely will deny her, if she’s a decent therapist. I’m sure she could refer her elsewhere without causing any hurt feelings.
NTA As a therapist, this would be an ethics violation if she took on your mother. That is called a Dual Relationship.
I have a niece who is a clinical psychologist. She never treats family, near or extended, nor their families or close friends. She refers them to a close colleague for the treatment.
Edit because I forgot the NTA.
Isn’t it a conflict of interest? Nta
NTA psychologists are absolutely not allowed to take on people they have a personal relationship with as clients, at least in Australia. The only exceptions are if you’re in a tiny town and there’s simply no other psych help available, even remotely, and even then it’s not good because of all the issues it can cause.
Nope Not at all. Boundaries matter, and it’s natural to feel uncomfortable mixing personal friendships with family therapy. You’re not wrong for stepping back if it helps you feel at ease.
Verify that she has a license first. 25 is definitely young for a psychotherapist, who would need multiple years of post-graduate education followed by thousands of supervised hours of practice before they’re even eligible to apply for a license.
There are TikTok and IG “therapists” who play fast and loose with what is supposed to be a protected title. Like life coaches with no formal experience who don’t exactly say they’re therapists, but at the same time won’t correct people who assume they are. Or they offer “therapeutic conversation” or some other term that they think covers their butts if they get called out.
What state are you in? I think there’s a law and ethics test requirement for many/most states where they would’ve covered this exact kind of scenario, and I don’t think most legitimately licensed people would want to even touch this situation.
Start googling how to get in touch with the state’s licensing board and see if this is an ethical violation or misrepresentation of a protected, credentialed profession. Maybe it’s not but perhaps just bringing it up could make your friend understand how uncomfortable and opposed you are to this whole thing.
NTA I’m not sure if this violates rules as I’m not therapist but this seems very unethical to me. However, my only knowledge about this topic is that my psychologist wouldn’t see my boyfriend as a client in addition to me and referred him to someone else because she felt it was a conflict.
IMO it would be unethical for your friend to treat your mother. Your friend knows things about you that your mother does not. Your friend will know things about your mother that you do not. She would have to do a lot of gatekeeping, and I don’t think she can be an effective therapist this way.
I would see if there’s a Code of Ethics for therapists and whether it’s a violation. If it were me, I would tell her that it’s absolutely not okay, and end the friendship. NTA
When I was looking for both a personal therapist and a couples therapist, the one I liked told me that I’d have to choose which role I wanted her in. She felt that she could not ethically serve me as my personal therapist without it potentially impacting how she showed up as a couples therapist (given how much I share my feelings and perspectives). If your friend is ethical, she would recognize the conflict of interest and shut your mom down by referring her to someone else.
I’d say it depends on the therapist tbh my therapist sees my ex and a number of people close to me
NTA it’s your friend’s responsibility as a practitioner to NOT see your mom as it’s an ethical issue. I don’t think you need to take a step back from the friendship cause your mom isn’t gonna be her client.
This is a potential ethics violation, called Dual Relationship.
YWNBTA. But your friend should not take your mother on as a client. If they did, they would be WBTA. And unprofessional and unethical, especially if you are close friends.
Info: Have you talked to her about it and why you find it conflicting? Maybe she wouldn’t take your mom as a client in the first place, and you won’t need to go through this
Well, your friend should not accept your mother as a patient. It’s unethical for a therapist to treat friends or become friends with a patient. I think the relationship is close enough to question the ethics of treating a close family member of a friend. Try and talk to your friend about it. Explain to her about how would affect you. Your friend may already not want to treat close family members of her friends. You would be the AH if you just cut away from your friend without communicating first.
NTA, and your mother and your friend should both know better–but especially your friend since this seems to cross some clear professional ethical boundaries.
NTA. A very clear conflict of interest, she should not be seeing your mum
Clinicians are explicitly trained to avoid conflicts of interest: like taking on clients that are within their social groups (friends, family, family friends, etc.) and/or to make a disclosure when they realize that there is a conflict of interest. Your friend will hopefully not take the client as it is a clear breach of privacy and ethics.
NTA if you distance if she does take the client, and a weird breach of ethics on the friend’s part if she does.
NTA. Your friend is breaching ethical rules of the profession if she takes your mother on as a client.
There’s no tricky part. If your friend is ethical, they’ll let your mother know it’s a conflict to treat people she knows. If she isn’t ethical, find a better friend.
NTA, it’s a conflict of interest for your friend and it would be extremely unethical of her to take on your mom as a client.
That’s super unethical! If your friend is considering it she’s a crap therapist. If she does it you should report her to the licensing board so that they can start a file on her. They won’t pull her license over it, but if she keeps breaking rules and guidelines they will
YWNTBA but — aren’t you overthinking this a little? You don’t need to step back from your friend unless she takes your mom on as a client. Would your friend seriously take your mom on? I suggest mentioning to your friend that your mom wants to come to her as a client. A reasonable friend would realise that that’s not entirely appropriate and assure you that she won’t take your mom on. If she doesn’t realise the conflict, then there would be nothing weird or unacceptable about you explaining to her that you’d prefer her not to accept your mom as a client.
IF she still decides to take your mom on as a client after that then no, YWNBTA for distancing yourself.
NTA,
Question, is your place a tiny area with little to no therapy? if so then it might be the few situations allowed, but if you’re in a major center then ethically it should not be done.
Realistically, speak to your mother about how it would be better for her to find a therapist she doesn’t know, I understand she may be interested because she “knows” this person, and wants that comfort, but for therapy to work you shouldn’t have that connection, your therapist should be an impartial part of your life, that makes you redirect what you are thinking and feeling, and help you learn and work through issues, you can’t be that raw with someone you know – especially someone like a childs friend, you won’t ever have that relationship needed for it to work.
INFO does she know it’s your mom?
NTA. Does your therapist friend know your mom? Either way, as soon as she discovers your mom is connected to you…she can not keep or take her as a client. It‘s not ethical and it‘s not allowed. Maybe you could give your friend a heads up, so doesn‘t walk into it.
NTA. Here’s a question: is your friend moving forward with this, or is this something that your mother is thinking about out loud?
Also, there should be a conflict of interest from your friend to see your mother. If not legally, then ethically, and I would question any kind of therapist who is willing to see any of their friends’ parents in this kind of capacity. There is zero way that your friend could be able to separate what you say to them as a friend, and what your mom says to them as a therapist.
Heyyyyyyy counselor in training here (a year away from graduating from grad school and stepping into the field)
Nevermind the fact that as your close friend, she should not feel comfy being your mom’s therapist
BUT ALSO!! IT IS EXTREMELY AGAINST THE ETHICS CODE FOR HER (your friend) TO DO THIS (take your mom on as a client)!!!!
I’d be more concerned about friend as a therapist taking on your mother as a client than anything and would rightfully distance myself if I were you.
TLDR: WNBTA
Nope, NTA and I’d probably distance myself from my mother too. It’s incredibly dysfunctional to want to use your child’s friend as a therapist, adult or not.
NTA,
It’s unethical for your friend to take on your mother as a patient.
Clearly your mom needs help if she’s thinking of going to your friend. That’s a pretty awful thing to do, situation to try and put you in.
That all being said, your friend should know that ethically she can’t treat your mother. If she does see her you have every right to cut her out of your life, not only that, you can report her.
INFO: is your friend a licensed psychologist? Because it would violate ethics in many juridictions if this is the case
That feels… illegal? Or at the very least unethical
NTA, but what does your friend have to say? You just said your mom has interest in seeing her. It’s unethical for her to have your mother as a client and I’m sure she knows that. Have you talked with your friend about it at all??
NTA. Your friend should turn down the work, considering that there is a preexisting relationship. If she doesn’t, then her and your mom are both very odd, at best.
NTA. Her taking on somebody she knows is very unethical. Honestly, even just from your mothers point of view, I’d have her look for a better therapist, too.
NTA. If it isn’t an ethics violation to have your mom as a client, it’s really close to it.
NTA
Have a conversation with your friend to ask if she will be accepting your mother as a client, and if their existing relationship would violate regulations. She’s just starting out and cannot afford to lose her license by taking on friends and family.
If they proceed, I’d be distancing myself from both your friend and your mother. This could turn toxic very fast.