I was the creative director of a design project that was nominated for a prestigious award in our field. We won in a couple of categories but lost in the big one to a project that was headed by a very good friend of mine who now works for a different agency but was part of my team for over 15 years. I was happy for them, I congratulated him in the ceremony, that’s how this goes.
Yet one of the members of my team, someone who is much younger and probably gives more importance to awards than I do in this stage of my career, made a post on his Instagram page with some pictures of us in the ceremony, and in the caption he mentioned – amongst other things – that he wished we had won in every category and he thought we should have.
So, I left a comment with the intention of keeping the morale up (because other people in my team were equally disappointed), and I said something like ‘this happens, we can’t have it all, not always the best project wins’. And my friend – the one who won the award – saw it and texted me, saying that the message I was sending in public was that his agency didn’t deserve to win and had an inferior project, and that was not cool of me. I tried to explain my intention but he still think I was an AH for engaging at all.
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I was the creative director of a design project that was nominated for a prestigious award in our field. We won in a couple of categories but lost in the big one to a project that was headed by a very good friend of mine who now works for a different agency but was part of my team for over 15 years. I was happy for them, I congratulated him in the ceremony, that’s how this goes.
Yet one of the members of my team, someone who is much younger and probably gives more importance to this awards than I do in this stage of my career, made a post on his Instagram page with some pictures of us in the ceremony, and in the caption he mentioned – amongst other things – that he wished we had won in every category and he thought we should have.
So, I left a comment with the intention of keeping the morale high (because other people in my team were equally disappointed), and I said something like ‘this happens, we can’t have it all, not always the best project wins’. And my friend – the one who won the award – saw it and texted me, saying that the message I was sending in public was that his agency didn’t deserve to win and had an inferior project, and that was not cool of me. I tried to explain my intention but he still think I was an AH for engaging at all.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> What should be judged: I made a comment in support of the graphic designers on my team who were disappointed over our loss for a project that was headed by my friend. Why this can make me an asshole: since it was a public comment and I generally mentioned that ‘the best work’ doesn’t always win, my friend saw it as a public statement that his win was undeserved.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA
Yeah, dude, my friend’s project didn’t deserve that at all!
Wow, why’s my friend all mad at me, I was just keeping morale up in my own team.
Come on. You could have said something like “It was a really tough field with a lot of great entries! We’ll get it next year.” or something along those lines. There was no reason to crap on your friend’s project to uplift your own team. And ffs it’s not like you guys had walked away with nothing. You won a bunch of other categories. Bet a lot of other people wanted to win those, too.
It’s not about you saying something to be supportive, it’s WHAT you said
There’s always next year would’ve sufficed.
From what you actually said, I feel like you’re peeved, too, no matter you claim to above awards.
Yta you can’t be that oblivious. You’re stating publicly that your project was better and you’re wondering why your friend is mad? Keep that stuff private just within the group
Yeah YTA. You 100% were sending the message that his agency didn’t deserve to win and had an inferior project, and it absolutely was not cool of you. Wildly unprofessional no matter who the person is and even worse to do it to someone you consider a friend. You don’t keep person A’s morale up by shitting on person B in public.
YTA Your friend is right that is exactly what you did. Not sure what it is like in your industry but generally whiny poor losers do not garner respect. It is the judges’ opinion of the projects worth that counts. You would have been better to suggest to your younger coworker that they demonstrate a bit of grace.
You could have supported your team member without trashing your friend. YTA and you know that!
That was kind of lose-lose so I’ll go NAH.
Your friend’s reaction was immature. But I still think YTA (slightly), for engaging your coworker’s childishness on a social media post. Absolutely no need to risk your reputation or possibly your job getting into it on Instagram, you could have spoken to them privately.
NTA. The winner decided to interpret your efforts in a way that shaded his win. That’s on him.
You’d be very disloyal to state that your team didn’t deserve the win. It may have been better to have focused on your efforts more than suggesting that yours was the best; but it’s not that big of a deal.
YTA- Yes not winning the big award is disappointing but there was a bunch of different ways you could have interacted with the post to support moral but not drag your friend through the mud. For example you can say “this happens, we can’t win them all, but let’s use the disappointed” motivate us to do better and elevate our capabilities. “ or something along those lines.
YTA. If you were talking/messaging just between the two of you, or maybe even your team, that’d be one thing. But publicly stating that “not always the best project wins” is extremely rude and insulting for the winners to see. The intention of your comment is completely irrelevant when anyone who sees it will think exactly the same thing your friend did. It was very unprofessional of you.
Yeah. YTA. So many other ways to have worded it that wouldn’t have slammed your friend’s project.
YTA you pretty much said that that the project that won wasn’t the best. That’s the sort of thing that you should not say publicly, even if you think it.
YTA. That was super unprofessional. Say what you want in private, but wha to said did not keep morale up.
YTA,
First off your team member’s post was in poor taste – it’s bad ‘sportsmanship’ for lack of a better word to say ‘we should have won.’
In your position I would have avoided comment, but you didn’t just say ‘these things happen,’ you specifically mentioned that the best project doesn’t always win. Given the context it would be a crazy stretch to say this was a generalisation and not a comment on this specific event.
Soft YTA
Your wording WAS back handed. Even if you didn’t mean to say that your friend didn’t deserve the big win, it is what your words meant.
Apologize to your friend properly and edit your SM message.
Yta. You don’t need some uplift by downtrodding others.
Yep. Your the ass
YTA, your team member’s post was pretty immature. By validating it in public you made 2 errors at the same time: making it seem like you as a team leader agreed that your project should have won every category over the other competitors, and failing to coach your young team member that winning some and losing some is normal and expected so it’s important to be gracious, win or lose.
Apologize to your friend, thank him for pointing out your moment of poor judgment here. Check in one-on-one with your team member to explain why you shouldn’t have replied that way, too.
YTA. Your words directly implied that your friend’s project wasn’t deserving of the win. That was a pretty insensitive of you. It would have been better to just tell your young colleague that “you can’t win them all” and not to attach too much importance to awards.
YTA, would have been fine without the last part. Maybe you could have said “we can’t always be the best.” Or “we did great, and next time we can do even better!” Or something like that, encouraging without disparaging your friend, your friend’s company and the judges of this award.
> this happens, we can’t have it all,
Cool, dont see a problem!
> not always the best project wins
YTA unless you actually totally believe it was very unfair. Throwing down competitions after the competition is not cool.
100% YTA for “not always the best project wins.” Your coworker was way out of line for posting this on insta in the first place, and only made themselves look bad. It’s cringe for you to respond to that part of his post at all. But at best you could’ve said “so proud of our team for winning xyz awards! Can’t wait to keep reaching for the big one next year”
Putting down others is a bad way to boost morale. YTA
INFO:
Your colleague believes your team deserved to win in every single category. Is he delusional or narcissistic, or are your competition really that incompetent in his eyes?
Yta and a hater ass b. How old are you??? All you could have replied to your colleague post is SAME.
YTA. That last sentence was unnecessary and unprofessional. You could’ve ended it at “we can’t have it all”. Instead you added a snarky comment which sounds like you were trying to sound cool to your “much younger” coworker by going the mean girl route. Maybe set an example instead.
YTA absolutely. This was completely unprofessional. You didn’t support a coworker, you demeaned and devalued the other group’s win by publicly declaring to the world that your “friend’s” project was unworthy of winning.
YTA for saying it in public. You and your team now come across as unprofessional sore losers.
YTA your envy is showing. The right thing to say is you can’t win everything. Your comment implied their project wasn’t great, but they paid someone off or something.
I don’t understand YTA for thinking your own project was the best one. For airing it, maybe, but what kind of unicorn fantasy are we living in where you can’t say someone else’s X wasn’t the best. Get a grip.