I recently moved back home with my parents and sister (24). I lived abroad for 5 years before that.
My parents and sister have always wanted a puppy and it became almost a silent agreement that when I moved back we would get one. I have NEVER said I wanted one, I love animals, but maybe too much. I literally cried for 3 weeks when my hamster died (we had it for 2 months, cancer) and refused to have another pet until 7 years later when we got a rabbit and spent his last 2 weeks monitoring him overnight without sleeping. I went insane when he passed.
Back to the puppy, they spent all summer visiting and bringing the dog home from the shelter and videocalling me when they did. They assured me he was a perfect puppy, didn’t bark, didn’t make a mess. I told them I wasn’t sure. I am depressed and have sensory issues (ADHD + OCD) It’s been really bad these past 2 years and they know it. I told them I don’t think I can love anyone, including an animal, right now and I was scared to go through with it because I’d feel guilty if I didn’t love them. They said a dog would fix everything for me since I love animals so much.
Well, they got the dog. Only 2 days after I moved back home. It’s been 4 weeks and I’m so overwhelmed I cry everyday. I haven’t unpacked any of the 15 boxes from the move because he keeps chewing my stuff. I have a panic attack almost daily because of the sounds, smells, the things around the house that he has destroyed. He bites me too. We have money problems (and have to spend soooo much because of my chronic health conditions) as they love to remind me but we are spending so much money on the dog. For fancy stuff, literally to show (my parents’) friends.
My parents and sister work and leave the house around 7:30am, come back at 6-7pm. I’m with him all day, I do eveything “right”: 5 or 6 walks, training, cook him homemade food, cuddles, brushing ….and completely check out when they get home. I go to my room and eat there, which I HATE (because he climbs on the table). They keep telling me I’m a bad person and I made a commitment… I just want to rest in my own house. I hate this. I’m gonna get a job and pay someone to dog sit during the day.
I know my triggers are my responsability but I need to feel safe inside my own house too. AITA?
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I recently moved back home with my parents and sister (24). I lived abroad for 5 years before that.
My parents and sister have always wanted a puppy and it became almost a silent agreement that when I moved back we would get one. I have NEVER said I wanted one, I love animals, but maybe too much. I literally cried for 3 weeks when my hamster died (we had it for 2 months, cancer) and refused to have another pet until 7 years later when we got a rabbit and spent his last 2 weeks monitoring him overnight without sleeping. I went insane when he passed.
Back to the puppy, they spent all summer visiting and bringing the dog home from the shelter and videocalling me when they did. They assured me he was a perfect puppy, didn’t bark, didn’t make a mess. I told them I wasn’t sure. I am depressed and have sensory issues (ADHD + OCD) It’s been really bad these past 2 years and they know it. I told them I don’t think I can love anyone, including an animal, right now and I was scared to go through with it because I’d feel guilty if I didn’t love them. They said a dog would fix everything for me since I love animals so much.
Well, they got the dog. Only 2 days after I moved back home. It’s been 4 weeks and I’m so overwhelmed I cry everyday. I haven’t unpacked any of the 15 boxes from the move because he keeps chewing my stuff. I have a panic attack almost daily because of the sounds, smells, the things around the house that he has destroyed. He bites me too. We have money problems (and have to spend soooo much because of my chronic health conditions) as they love to remind me but we are spending so much money on the dog. For fancy stuff, literally to show (my parents’) friends.
My parents and sister work and leave the house around 7:30am, come back at 6-7pm. I’m with him all day, I do eveything “right”: 5 or 6 walks, training, cook him homemade food, cuddles, brushing ….and completely check out when they get home. I go to my room and eat there, which I HATE (because he climbs on the table). They keep telling me I’m a bad person and I made a commitment… I just want to rest in my own house. I hate this. I’m gonna get a job and pay someone to dog sit during the day.
I know my triggers are my responsability but I need to feel safe inside my own house too. AITA?
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> (2) The dog has no fault and is justdoing puppy things, I have no right to be mad at him and leave him with a trainer
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Info : you lived alone in a different country for 5 years, why dont you find your own place to rent?
I understand you want to feel safe, and relax and not care for a puppy. Which can be done living in your own place.
Nta. Move out. Find a roommate. This is not sustainable.
Yeah move back out champ
Did you actually make a commitment as they say you did? If you didn’t and if you said that you did not want a puppy, then I wonder why you are in charge of it. NTA if you didn’t commit to it. What kind of dog is it? The biting is a concern.
NTA. How did you make a commitment when they’re the ones that got the dog? Move back out as fast as you can.
NTA.
They decided to get the dog. If you have texts saying you weren’t sure or didn’t want the dog, keep them. Tell them this dog is poorly behaved and needs training and stimulation. IMO, anyone who gets a dog and is gone from the house for more than 8hrs without making arrangements to have the dog let out or walked shouldn’t have a dog. Get them signed up for training classes and make them go – he shouldn’t be chewing on things and getting on the table.
ESH
Sounds like no one thought this through properly. If everyone except you works, then you’d be primary caregiver. Why didn’t you just say no? I want nothing to do wtih the responsibility of a puppy and if you’re getting one, all of YOU need to arrange for care.
The rest of your family – sounds like they did the right things like bring him home to get to know him, but how is it possible ‘perfect puppy’ suddenly is not? Who is training the dog NOT to chew, jump on tables, etc? I mean the puppy phase will be over at some point, you DO KNOW what a puppy entails right? How about crate trainig him so he CAN be alone and give you some peace?
None of you properly prepared for this dog. Keep up the traniing…ALL of you, and the effort will be worth it.
NTA, and from the sound of how your family interacts with you nothing short of moving out will fix this problem. Good luck!
NTA but why did they say you made a commitment? From your description you did no such thing, and told them plenty of reasons why it wouldn’t work. It sounds like you have an absolutely terrible family to do this to you when you’re struggling. I’m sorry! DO NOT take care of the puppy when they are home – go to your room and close the door.
It sounds like they wanted a dog and want you to be it’s caretaker while they are out for the day. Regardless of the health issues you may have, it sounds like it might be a (it’s me or the mutt resolution) unless you are able to work and buy your keep another way (like pay rent and buy food).
I get that you have some serious challenges… but you’ve moved into their house. If you are an adult, you have choices. Your family does, too. Maybe they just don’t know how this is affecting you. Use your voice. Put it out on the table. Show them the things that the dog has destroyed, and the chew marks on your hands when he leaves them. Tell them you can’t live like this, and open the door to compromise.
YTA kinda..
get a job and move out its not your house.
An enthusiastic “yes!” is a requirement from all people in the house before bringing a new pet. Your family’s foisting the care and training onto you for a pet you weren’t enthused about is utterly reprehensible.
It’s time for them to step up and care for the dog, and for you to find other places to rest – whether that means you move out, or simply leave in the morning before they do and sit under a tree somewhere, you’re not responsible for the dog.
NTA
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NTA. They wanted a dog but purposely waited until you were there to essentially raise and train the dog. Find some roommates and move out to a dog free home
ESH
I know you expressed your reluctance beforehand but you should have been more clear and forceful about your opposition, as you say “it became almost a silent agreement that when I moved back we would get one.” If you have flatly refused and they got the dog anyway and then tried to foist responsibility onto you, they would clearly be TA.
They suck because it sounds like even though you didn’t explicitly refuse, you did express opposition in other ways. They should have been considerate of you instead of pushing you into the arrangement.
If you can indeed get a job and pay a dog sitter — and if that indeed resolves the problem in your eyes — then great. But long-term it sounds like you need to save and get out of there.
Good luck!
NTA. Can you leave the house every morning and go to the library, a cafe, a volunteer opportunity? Are there other friends or family you could crash with until you find a job?
You are going to have to draw a hard line here because their actions are going to sabotage your ability to move out. Even your idea of getting a job and using it to pay for doggy daycare is going to make it take way longer for you to save up. Prioritizing yourself might require some difficult decisions, like donating some of the things you brought back so that you don’t have 15 boxes worth of baggage to deal with, or telling your parents straight up that you need to focus on your job search and they have one week to find other arrangements for the dog’s care during the day because you aren’t available for that. It won’t be pleasant. But this isn’t working for you and it can’t go on like this.