I’m a junior trying to go to pharmacy school (just switched paths) and I’m taking gen chem I alongside this freshman.
He has a 56% in the class, he got failing grades on both our exams so far, and he’s also taking Bio I and he currently has a 64% in that class. Like I’m dumbfounded I don’t know how. For context I have a 96% in gen chem and I’m taking other equally hard classes to Bio I, so I’m not sure how he’s doing so poorly.
He was ranting to me about how he wants to go to med school so badly. I told him that med school may not be his path and that everyone has different interests. I told him to take the time to explore because there’s definitely something out there that would suit him very well.
He then snapped at me saying I’m being degrading and insulting and that I’m clearly just trying to show off to him.
AITA?
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I’m a junior trying to go to pharmacy school (just switched paths) and I’m taking gen chem I alongside this freshman.
He has a 56% in the class, he got failing grades on both our exams so far, and he’s also taking Bio I and he currently has a 64% in that class. Like I’m dumbfounded I don’t know how. For context I have a 96% in gen chem and I’m taking other equally hard classes to Bio I, so I’m not sure how he’s doing so poorly.
He was ranting to me about how he wants to go to med school so badly. I told him that med school may not be his path and that everyone has different interests. I told him to take the time to explore because there’s definitely something out there that would suit him very well.
He then snapped at me saying I’m being degrading and insulting and that I’m clearly just trying to show off to him.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I was told I’m being degrading and insulting when I was honestly just trying to give him good advice
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA to say that once, given that you were in a conversation with him about it. But since he doesn’t want to hear it, no need to say it again. It’ll take care of itself.
NTA there’s always a sad freshman phenomenon where they start school with big dreams but then but second semester their hopes are crushed
He didn’t ask for your input, but NTA. It sounds like he’s struggling but he (or maybe his family) really wants to pursue medicine. I think you tried to help by telling him there may be other avenues open to him, and that’s all you can do. He might have to figure it out on his own.
This is a hard one. Someone talking about med school while failing the essential classes sounds pretty delusional. And his “you’re clearly trying to show off” comment shows he’s really immature as well.
So he has no hope of getting into med school, and will likely flunk out of the current program unless he improves drastically or changes his classes to something he’s better at. But why is this your business? You’re not his parent nor his faculty advisor.
“For context I have a 96% in gen chem and I’m taking other equally hard classes to Bio I, so I’m not sure how he’s doing so poorly.”
Why are your grades relevant? Did you “share” them with him? Maybe that’s why he said you were showing off. And really, you’re “not sure how he’s doing so poorly”? Is this the first person you’ve ever met with poor grades?
ESH.
A very slight YTA. I think your heart’s in the right place, but at the same time it’s not really your place to say anything. He knows what grades he’s received and what grades medical schools require. He might have plans to retake these classes. Plus, the low grades could be for reasons not related to aptitude—for example maybe he’s working full time and going to school or had a recent death in the family. Plus, it doesn’t sound like he asked for advice from you. You come off a bit condescending. Probably best to leave him be.
ESH/NAH. College can be really difficult in the beginning for a lot of people. He’s probably struggling to adjust to everything and having someone imply that he’s not smart enough to follow his dream is probably very defeating. But he definitely shouldn’t have snapped and responded so rudely, especially since it sounds you were giving genuine advice from a place of good intentions.
YTA. The kid is, what, a month into college? Lots of people struggle when they first get to college and then turn it around once they settle in and figure out what they need to do. He didn’t ask for your thoughts on whether he should go to med school so it was inappropriate for you to offer unsolicited advice, but especially when the gay advice is really just kicking him when he’s down instead of suggesting things that might help him do better.
NTA, but neither helpful, he was “ranting” because he sees you’re good and he wants help. Instead of help you crushed his high hopes with your honesty, still doesn’t qualify as YTA… just… emotionally deaf.
ESH
Listen my shitty chem grades (I’m better at bio) are what kept me from even trying the med school route, but you could have definitely phrased it better.
Partly from the tone of your post, I’m going to go with YTA. Your “context” isn’t relevant, but you nonetheless flaunted your own grades. And if it’s just an explanation of why you’re “dumbfounded,” being dumbfounded is a silly and extreme reaction to someone else’s grades.
It wasn’t your place to comment on this student’s goals. You’re not their advisor, parent, or even their friend. I get being young and in college and impressed with your own achievements. But what you did was inappropriate and unkind, and coming from your own ego rather than genuine concern.
NTA. The school will gladly take his money every year for him to retake these classes until he receives a passing grade. You might be saving him from sunken-cost fallacy in the long run.
NAH- your hearts in the right place it seems, and doesn’t seem like you were overly aggressive. But I can see why having a relative stranger tell you that medicine might not be for you wouldn’t feel great. Plus there’s a million and 1 reasons why a first semester freshman might not have their shit together yet.
If I had to nitpick, I would have suggested offering to look through the electives to see if anything caught their interest rather than going for medicine as a whole.
NAH you’re probably not wrong, but also maybe he’s just having a hard time adjusting and will figure it out. Sometimes it’s ok to just say “well, I wish you good luck with that” instead of trying to give advice.
I’m gonna say NTA because whatever your relationship, his response to your take was an overreaction. But if you have actually been thinking of this guy as your friend, I think you could have been nicer or more encouraging. He’s like 1 month into his first semester. He could work harder and catch up and make good enough grades to make it, his dream isn’t dead or anything.
NTA – it’s called a reality check. It’s better for him to readjust his goals earlier rather than later.
I’m not going to give you a judgment, but I will give a little…insight maybe?
Yes, med school is TOUGH. My niece went through it…she’s in her 3d year (I think) of residency and it’s still really tough.
I get that you were maybe trying to “help”, but telling someone in their first year of college that they probably can’t cut it is…not productive. Lots of people have trouble that first year, but then hit their stride, figure shit out and succeed!
It’s great that you are doing so well, but instead of telling another student that you don’t understand why they can’t get a similar grade as you and they won’t be able to achieve their dream – maybe you could point them to tutoring resources, Office Hours with the professor- or since you are doing so well and IF you have time/inclination, offer to study with them once or twice. OR just make sympathetic noises and say nothing.
If they can’t handle med school, they will figure that out for themselves…no need to point it out. Continued good work and good luck with pharmacy school-that’s not easy either!
YTA
YTA. My daughter is an incredibly bright girl who had excellent grades in high school, but she struggled greatly with the transition to university. Her first semester grades were not good, because she didn’t have a good grasp on how to manage her time, or realize how much work outside of classes would be required to achieve good results. She barely passed a few of her first semester courses. By second semester, she had figured it out and managed to improve her grades enough to be offered entry to a program for high-achieving students.
The first year of college or university can be a huge adjustment for even the brightest students. You have no idea if this student is cut out for med school or not based on the marks he’s getting halfway through his first semester, and you offered your opinion completely unsolicited. You may have a 96% in chemistry, but your emotional intelligence is seriously lacking.
Strong YTA.
“I’m not sure how he’s doing so poorly.”
That shows a lot about who you are as a person. You are a junior taking a freshman level course and yet you don’t sore even an ounce of empathy for the younger students? Freshmen notoriously change majors, but aside from that, people can change, this is an 18 y.o. kid. Sure he’ll never get into medical school with grades like that, but who are you to tell him that? You’re not his friend, you’re just a stranger bashing on his dream. You just seem like you want to brag about your test, plenty of us scored highly in genchem.
YTA. Your comment wasn’t helpful. The transition from high school to university can be stressful- oftentimes you really have to change the way you study and manage your time. Everyone can turn it around, especially so early on. Why don’t you instead put your efforts into offering to help or tutor them if you’re so smart.
YTA lol. Anesthesiology resident here. It’s not uncommon for people in med school to have retaken courses during their undergrad or grad programs. everyone has their own path and ways to learn especially with some of the tougher courses like chemistry and math. He’s also two years younger than you and taking the same courses you are. 🙂 im sure you’d be butthurt if he’d ask you why you’re a junior in the same courses he’s taking as a freshmen.
Let others live and learn & you do the same.
YTA
>For context I have a 96% in gen chem and I’m taking other equally hard classes to Bio I, so I’m not sure how he’s doing so poorly.
This is 10000% unnecessary, and just you showing off. We get it, you think you’re amazing and will be an amazing doctor. You adding this makes us think you’re one of “those” doctors, the Dr. Strange pre-magic doctors. All ego.
Your tone is what seals it for me. You look down at this kid. He’s beneath you because he struggles. His interests lie with yours. He wants to go to med school. That’s his goal. Sure, he’s struggling. That doesn’t mean you look down on him.
A good person would help or suggest ways for him to get better, to get past his struggles. You’re not that person, obviously.
Yta the freshman was ranting. He will figure out his workload in time if medicine is his dream.
You could’ve just encouraged the kid.
> Like I’m dumbfounded I don’t know how. For context I have a 96% in gen chem and I’m taking other equally hard classes to Bio I, so I’m not sure how he’s doing so poorly.
You’re a junior in university, and in all your schooling, you’ve never noticed that different people have different brains, different learning styles and capacities, different levels of commitment, different upbringings, different educations, different life issues, different levels of intelligence, different levels of recall, different socio-economic factors… etc. — all of which can impact someone’s learning performance and capacity
That is such a pretentious and condescending thing to say. And shows an incredible lack of awareness, which may or may not be intentional.
What you told him about med school is irrelevant, all I had to read was that statement to know YTA
YTA. You don’t know his strengths, you don’t know him outside one class. Say nothing if you like, but don’t discourage him.
NTA. I think the people calling you the asshole are failing to see how you’d be doing a disservice to this freshman if you don’t say something. It’s better to give them that reality check now so they can find something more suitable for them. There’s no chance that they can get into medicine if they’re getting failing marks in Bio 1.
You didn’t say anything wrong, but it seems he is not in a place to accept hearing that I’m a positive way. I would lay off. NAH.
Whats that they say about unsolicited advice?
NTA. You’re right: medical school is not the pathway for everyone who wants to get in. The sooner that someone who is failing general chemistry and is barely passing biology understands this, the better. Eventually, he’ll have to choose another major. Hopefully, he’ll make that choice before he wastes much more time pursuing a major in which he is doing so poorly.
YTA
You don’t have to put voice to every thought that passes through your head. You sound like you’re showing off here so I can only imagine how annoying it was in person.
He was just venting. You’re not his guidance counselor. If you can’t offer encouragement, you don’t have to say anything. There is no reason to crap on him. If it’s not for him, he’ll figure it out.
Yta. I found it best to stay out of it unless directly asked
YTA.
There could be reasons for his grades that are not an inability to grasp the subject matter, and even if there aren’t, you came across badly in this
YTA- You’re a junior. Your comment wasn’t helpful. Your grades are irrelevant. The transition from high school to college is a big step not everyone can just fall into.
YTA. Why are you comparing yourself to him. He was venting to you and you took that opportunity to be a jerk.
Sorry, I think i missed the part where you’re this student’s advisor or admissions counselor at the big age of “junior taking freshman courses.”
YTA
YTA and you should probably learn now that your experience is not a universal experience. There are many, many reasons they could be doing poorly including unaccommodated disabilities, personal life stresses, taking too many classes, etc. You may find the content easier because you’re more naturally talented, that doesn’t mean they’re on the wrong path.
If I had to venture a guess I would presume you to be a pretty self centered human, since you don’t appear to have the ability to see outside yourself. This is not a good trait for anyone looking at medicine in any capacity.
YTA.
YTA. Also you’re judgey. Ew.
YTA, you clearly look down on him.
YTA grades do not determine anything. I’m a chem graduate and have worked in the industry for 12 years. Some of my coworkers were hella good at school and some were not. We all ended up at the same job.
YTA and a tryhard. Talking about being a “future pharmacist” before actually getting into pharmacy school makes you look foolish and egotistical. Don’t be that guy.
YTA-It’s not your place to tell him that med school may not be for him.
YTA for structure. “Dude, if really want it, this is what you need to do.” Let nature take its current.
The way you talk about his grades is very condescending. You don’t think of this guy as a friend, but someone inferior to you, with your vast experience in Academia. So, it would follow that the manner in which you told him he probably shouldn’t bother to pursue his life’s dream based on your unqualified assessment of his progress during his very first month or so of college might have been less gentle and inspiring than you think. He literally told you that your words caused him to feel insulted and degraded and you’re still here trying to get validation rather than listen to him. YTA
YTA. He’s a month into college and you’re telling him his future goal is down the drain? Yeah, ya suck.
Maybe he isn’t fit for med school. Maybe he’s just struggling with one class. But it’s not up to you to decide that. That’s why college has academic advisors
YTA. Being pre-med (pre-PT/OT/PA/anything) is hard enough. There will be days where even the best students want to bang their heads on their desks and cry somewhere on the educational track. It’s fair to say he needs to focus on getting his grades up if he wants this and to suggest tutoring. But it’s never fair to say it’s completely off the table.
YTA. I finished with 100 or above (when extra credit was given) in math and science through linear algebra and advanced physics. You are closer to the person you talk about than you are to me, and I would never tell you that you may not be cut out for med school. Intelligence and ability isn’t solely measured by grades. I would advise you to let go of this mindset quickly or it will cost you socially for years.
YTA. I think you may not be aware that you’re looking to show off, but there was no need to drop your grade in the post. You may want to justify it as it “proves how easy the class is” but you should do some internal work imo.
He has done half a semester and he’s doing badly. There’s plenty of time to turn it around. You can’t possibly think he’s NOT aware that 56% won’t get him into med school. It’s possible he’s delusional about his chances, but nobody is that delusional lmao. He’s clearly venting to you. Either help him get the grades up or shush for a few semesters until you can prove he’s delusional. This is almost certainly just adjustment issues. He’ll be clever but not able to deal with this freedom yet.
You know what? For all the doctors who are out there in the world practicing medicine – some of them were the bottom of their class. Someone has to be bottom of the class. Some of them only passed by the skin of their teeth. Guess what? They’re still doctors.
YTA. No need for you to shit all over this guy.
YTA. You literally haven’t even FINISHED YOUR BS. You have no idea what they can and can’t do, you’re being SO presumptuous.
YTA. In what world would you not be the asshole?
NTA
Sorry to say he’s probably not cut out for medicine, and even if he was, it’s a far better idea to go into something else. Being a doctor SUCKS and is absolutley not worth it.
My first year at uni, my lowest score was 14/40.
By the end of that year a tutor asked me if he can use another assignment I did to show first year students what a really good assignment looks like, and recommended I can reuse my original idea when Im a third year student for a class.
My average grade is pretty damn good.
Some people have teething issues and just need a bit to find their feet.