I’m 20F student in university and started talking to this guy off a dating app (20M). He is smart, funny, conversation flows easily, we have similar interests, and I immediately found his personality generally attractive. We’ve gone on 2 dates, one public and then I went over to his house for the first time last night. On our first date I remember thinking I didn’t find him very initially physically attractive but I held out thinking attraction could grow because I really do like his personality. However after the 2nd date (watched a movie, we kissed a little but nothing else), again I had fun but I just came out of it feeling shitty and a pit in my stomach because I am still not attracted to him physically at all. I feel like it would be wrong to see him again because I really don’t think this will go anywhere but he seems to really like me and expects to see me again. We’ve only been texting for 2 weeks and seen each other twice so I feel like it’s not too late to turn him down but I feel really bad. How do I do this in the best way? Do I not see him again and try to let it slowly phase out, or do I just tell him directly (I feel like this would really confuse and hurt him because things went so “well” on our dates.) Help 😞😞.
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Tell him directly so he knows what’s happening. I’m sure you didn’t like getting ghosted in the past. Offer him the chance to not get ghosted.
It’s going to hurt. There isn’t a way to avoid it.
Direct is always the best. It hurts the most, but it hurts once.
Slowly phasing out, hurts less, but hurts longer. And it ends up adding up to a lot more.
“Ok homie. I’m gonna peace on out now 👋”
Be direct and firm. Don’t worry about feelings. This is not a love story.
Just say, unapologetically: I am not feeling a spark here and don’t want to pursue anything further, best of luck to you out there.
Hey man, I think whatever we had together must’ve purchased a gym membership on new years because it isn’t working out.
Just politely tell him that you both aren’t a match and want different things. Never ghost someone and at least give someone a reason. It’s basically don’t do to others what you don’t want done to you
“I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you, but I don’t see this going anywhere romantically.”
Things having gone well seems like a plus to me. You can honestly say “You seem like a nice guy and I enjoyed our time together. You’ll make a good catch for the right girl but the chemistry’s not there for me. I don’t want to lead you on and don’t want to force anything so it would be better if we not go out together any more. If you’re disappointed, I’m sorry, but I’m sure it’s better to stop now before things get messy.” Rip that Band-Aid right off.
Please remember too that he may feel exactly the same way.
Yep. Be direct. You can’t force attraction to happen. Tell him the truth, wish him well and you can both move on. You have no reason to feel bad.
I would omit the part where you’re not physically attracted to him, but maybe say you didn’t feel a spark (or something like that) and that you don’t want to lead him on
I’m sure he’ll appreciate it instead of wasting his time or ghosting him
You’ve gone on two dates. All you need to say is you’re not feeling it. You don’t owe him an explanation other than you’re not feeling it.
Be direct.
Be honest he deserves to know the truth. Just don’t blame him for anything and hurt his self esteem. Otherwise there is no problem.
I just had a guy ghost me after three dates that went well and it didn’t feel nice. Just clearly say your piece. Don’t say you aren’t attracted just say you didn’t feel a spark and want to make sure you aren’t wasting his time, wish you well, etc
You need to be direct. Otherwise he will keep trying to second guess what he did wrong. Give him closure
You don’t need to be specific. Just say he’s cool AF , but there isn’t a romantic spark. End it.
I’d prefer to be told directly. Don’t even need to tell me the reason (though I would like to know).
Why would you go on a date with someone you’re not attracted to
“I don’t feel the click I need for a romantic relationship”.
If you’re worried about his feelings, imagine how much harder this would be in another two weeks. It feels cruel to be up front about your non-attraction, but in reality you’re doing the right thing. The more you let it progress, the more invested he will be, and the more shocking it’ll be to him.
This is how women end up with assholes
Direct is best. Just slowly disappearing is just avoiding what’s hard for you. If you let that happen I’m sure he will feel confused more than speaking to him directly. And he may actually take it well and thank you for your honesty.
Just tell him you enjoyed the time spent together but don’t want to pursue it any further.
He won’t be confused if you’re direct, and he’s going to be a bit hurt because reality isn’t meeting his wishful expectations. Unfortunately hurting people and being hurt are part of the dance of dating. You can minimize both by being kind, clear, and direct with people and expecting the same.
“Hey Mikathen, I enjoyed the time we spent together and I think you’re cool, but the chemistry isn’t there for me. I wish you the very best out there, thanks for hanging out with me and making time to get to know each other.”
Or something like that.
As long as you don’t wanna be friends or anything just tell bro the spark wasn’t there
Nothing wrong with saying you just not feeling it. You don’t have to get specific and you can be done in a single text.
It’s never too late to turn someone down btw
Personally I feel like the “you’re a catch” stuff in that moment always rings a little hollow, and has an air of condescendion (not that you feel that way, more so to the the one being rejected that language can feel like the other person felt a need to over-cater to your emotional fragility and esteem which can be embarrassing when they are already being rejected). I think just saying you’ve honestly had a lot of fun and like them as a person but don’t think your romantically compatible is enough. It leaves things as an honest, thoughtful, adult conversation. If they become emotional or upset, then you can add that more reassuring future-relationship language.
If you have a feeling he’ll reach out to you again to ask you out, you can just say “I’ve enjoyed hanging out and getting to know you, but if I’m being honest, I don’t see this going any further.” Nothing wrong with that. It will sting for both of you in the moment, but BELIEVE ME, better to be honest and upfront now before you potentially lead him on. Rejection is a natural part of dating and of life. In the long run, he’ll respect your honesty.
👻 him
NEVER, and I say, NEVER, try to let it slowly phase out.
Its basically giving him a slow and painful death, and not even knowing why. Its always better to be direct, even though it hurts, but it will heal a lot quicker.
You tell him it’s not you it’s me