My wife’s mom and step dad moved a very far distance away six years ago just before my son was born. They reach out weekly via video chat and talk to my wife and son. They also usually visit about every six months for a week or so.
Her step-dad is the kind of guy with a crude sense of humor. Lots of low ball sexual or racial jokes. Not at those folks. But. Almost as a knock knock joke type laugh.
My wife has had her nipples pierced for two and a half years. Between their last two visits she’s said he’s asked or very heavily insinuated he ‘wanted to see them’ three times. When neither her mom or I were in the room. That it made her uncomfortable
Today during their weekly call, her mom handed him the phone to go use the bathroom and carry on the convo and he pulled out his nipple and gestured to my wife who was at the time in a tube top.
She told me and today and it sort of festered. I texted him. That man to man. It’s making her uncomfortable. To stop it.
That I don’t plan to drag this situation out. But that it needs to stop or I plan to take further action myself.
Which has now spun to her mom and step dad saying she should have been able to come to the herself. That he is only joking and does that stuff all the time. That I went too far. By threatening ominous further action.
My kid loves them. Heck my wife loves having them in her life. They’ve cut communication.
I just feel bad for my kid. He’s innocent. Heck. Even my wife. She didn’t ask me to address this with him. As her husband I didn’t want it to remain unchecked.
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My wife’s mom and step dad moved a very far distance away six years ago just before my son was born. They reach out weekly via video chat and talk to my wife and son. They also usually visit about every six months for a week or so.
Her step-dad is the kind of guy with a crude sense of humor. Lots of low ball sexual or racial jokes. Not at those folks. But. Almost as a knock knock joke type laugh.
My wife has had her nipples pierced for two and a half years. Between their last two visits she’s said he’s asked or very heavily insinuated he ‘wanted to see them’ three times. When neither her mom or I were in the room. That it made her uncomfortable
Today during their weekly call, her mom handed him the phone to go use the bathroom and carry on the convo and he pulled out his nipple and gestured to my wife who was at the time in a tube top.
She told me and today and it sort of festered. I texted him. That man to man. It’s making her uncomfortable. To stop it.
That I don’t plan to drag this situation out. But that it needs to stop or I plan to take further action myself.
Which has now spun to her mom and step dad saying she should have been able to come to the herself. That he is only joking and does that stuff all the time. That I went too far. By threatening ominous further action.
My kid loves them. Heck my wife loves having them in her life. They’ve cut communication.
I just feel bad for my kid. He’s innocent. Heck. Even my wife. She didn’t ask me to address this with him. As her husband I didn’t want it to remain unchecked.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I texted my father in law to stop being a creep. Without telling my wife I was going to.
2) My wife and child are now the ones who are effected. Was it selfish?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I bet he wouldnt of said anything to his wife if she just pulled her tube top down and showed him….to me it seems like thats what he wanted or he wouldnt of joked other wise!
You know the answer. Trust your instincts.
NTA Step-dad is just trying to DARVO his way out of the situation he created. Stick to your guns, OP.
He’s a pervert and needs to be handled, doesn’t matter if it’s you or your wife that does it. Surely her mother has noticed the creepy comments towards her own daughter from her husband!? NTA!!!
I commend you for taking it to him instead of blasting it. You were fair and had every right to stand up for your wife. He sounds scared , probably lied to your mother in law about something you didn’t say. They cut contact because that man is a pervert. You’re not that AH. Your wife was uncomfortable and that’s valid. It’s a creepy and foul thing to say to your step daughter. . Y’all may love them but he’s a pervert. Protect your family first. Don’t question your gut.
I would of done the same thing!! That’s your job as a husband. Your wife told you it made her feel uncomfortable and you had to deal with it. He’s making out it was just his way BS!! he’s using that as a way of saying/doing these things and getting away with it. Let them be the first to make the move, don’t go running after them as he will feel he’s won
And he never comes to your home again. What a gross human being.
There are plenty of places online where a creep can satisfy curiosity without involving his own stepdaughter. I certainly hope he did not help raise her. That’s 🤮disgusting. NTA.
NTA. Do you really want your kid around this type of pervy comments/behavior? How often has he “joked” like this b4 to your wife, alone? How old was your wife when they got together?
Don’t let them turn this around on you. They’re the problem. You can apologize to your wife if she wanted to handle it but tbh your kid is better off without someone acting pervy and your mil enabling it.
NTA
“I’m only joking” is a poor excuse for behavior. By saying that, he’s an AH who acknowledges the action isn’t appropriate, thus it’s masked as a joke.
You might press on it. Have a video call where you all four are present. Ask the stepdad to explain how, exactly, the “stepdaughter, show me your nipples” is supposed to be funny. I mean, where’s the joke? Who’s going to laugh and what for? Explain it like I’m 5.
There is no joke, and he knows it.
Consider together really carefully is that person a good influence for your family. Would you be comfortable for him to, say, babysit your kid? Is that the kind of behavior he should learn?
ESH. You because you interfered with your wife’s family unilaterally. It flat out negates any good intentions you had. Him for being a creep asking women to see their nipples (100x worse when it’s his own step-daughter).
NTA and I’m sorry your kid is disappointed and loves his grandparents, but it’s probably better if he doesn’t have that guy as an influence as he gets older.
Maybe I am outdated but I would want my husband to address it. As a man step dad knows it’s not nice to joke about and his reaction says he ment it
If you’d never had any discussion with your wife about how or whether this needed to be addresed, maybe you ought to have spoken to her before you sent that text.
He was in the wrong and it’s creepy, but she is your wife and you took this right out of her hands as if you thought she wasn’t capable enough to deal with it herself. It’s not very respectful.