AITA for not wanting my girlfriend’s younger siblings at our house anymore because they keep damaging everything I fix?
Me (30M) and my girlfriend (26F) bought our first home about 2.5 years ago. It was a total fixer-upper, but I was willing to learn and do things DIY to save money. Since then, I’ve poured thousands of pounds, all of my annual leave, and endless weekends into this place. Every improvement, repair, or upgrade has been me alone. My girlfriend isn’t great with money and hasn’t contributed financially, and she also doesn’t have the skills or interest in DIY, so I don’t hold that against her.
The issue is her younger brother (14) and sister (12). Every time they come over, they’re incredibly disrespectful of the house. For example:
Her brother once took a hammer to the porch tiles and cracked two of them. When I asked if he’d do that in his own house, he said no. I told him bluntly not to do it in mine. Her parents brushed it off with “it’s only a couple of tiles,” but I reminded them that their landlord pays for their repairs, while I’m footing the bill and losing time.
I spent ages laying a sandstone patio, and her sister dragged metal chairs across it, scratching the surface, even after I told her to pick them up instead.
Just last night, her sister begged to stay over. I agreed. This morning I woke up to a flooded bathroom because she apparently put all her weight on a tap, bending the pipe. Now I’ve got water damage under recently laid flooring, and my entire weekend will be spent ripping it all up and fixing it.
When I said I don’t want them over anymore because every visit ends up costing me time, money, and stress, I got called “unreasonable.” But from my perspective, I’m constantly undoing damage caused by kids who don’t respect the space I’ve worked so hard on.
So… AITA for putting my foot down and not wanting them at the house anymore?
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AITA for not wanting my girlfriend’s younger siblings at our house anymore because they keep damaging everything I fix?
Me (30M) and my girlfriend (26F) bought our first home about 2.5 years ago. It was a total fixer-upper, but I was willing to learn and do things DIY to save money. Since then, I’ve poured thousands of pounds, all of my annual leave, and endless weekends into this place. Every improvement, repair, or upgrade has been me alone. My girlfriend isn’t great with money and hasn’t contributed financially, and she also doesn’t have the skills or interest in DIY, so I don’t hold that against her.
The issue is her younger brother (14) and sister (12). Every time they come over, they’re incredibly disrespectful of the house. For example:
Her brother once took a hammer to the porch tiles and cracked two of them. When I asked if he’d do that in his own house, he said no. I told him bluntly not to do it in mine. Her parents brushed it off with “it’s only a couple of tiles,” but I reminded them that their landlord pays for their repairs, while I’m footing the bill and losing time.
I spent ages laying a sandstone patio, and her sister dragged metal chairs across it, scratching the surface, even after I told her to pick them up instead.
Just last night, her sister begged to stay over. I agreed. This morning I woke up to a flooded bathroom because she apparently put all her weight on a tap, bending the pipe. Now I’ve got water damage under recently laid flooring, and my entire weekend will be spent ripping it all up and fixing it.
When I said I don’t want them over anymore because every visit ends up costing me time, money, and stress, I got called “unreasonable.” But from my perspective, I’m constantly undoing damage caused by kids who don’t respect the space I’ve worked so hard on.
So… AITA for putting my foot down and not wanting them at the house anymore?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Informed both kids on how to do things to avoid damage, and explained they wouldn’t do it in their own house.
Told my girlfriend they aren’t coming over again.
It’s being made out I’m unreasonable for saying they cant stay or come over until they respect my hard work and home
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Hammer to the tiles?
When I read the title I was thinking it was going to be like light wear and tear, but thats malicious.
No NTA, these kids shouldn’t be invited indoors, let alone to your home.
NTA. As its also her house and therefore you can’t stop her brother and sister tell her any damage will be covered by HER…immediately and at HER expense. She’ll soon see reason.
NTA. If the kids aren’t damaging where they live like this, they know how to behave they just aren’t.
Charge their parents for any damage caused for starters. You’d be surprised how quickly they may step in to stop this happening if they’re the ones footing the bill. Secondly, talk to your GF and give her the reasons for your stance. Thirdly, if your girlfriend has made zero financial contribution then whilst it may be her home, it’s not her house at all unless you were silly enough to put her on the deed without financial contribution. If she has contributed and is contributing to the mortgage or upgrades/repairs then things still come under a 1 no 2 yes agreement. In other words, you need 2 yeses for vistors and 1 no vetoes.
I’ll go NTA. Maybe in future only purchase a house with a spouse or with clear expectations of how things will be going forward.
NTA. Fuck no. If the gf wants to spend time with the destructive racoons she calls siblings, she can go visit them in their natural habitat.
NTA. If she wants them there, she has agree to pay for any damage they do to be repaired. Not just pay for replacements but pay for and organise the labour as well.
NTA. You literally built that house up yourself, and every visit from them is just chaos and extra work. Saying no isn’t harsh, it’s self-preservation. Kids are gonna be kids, but your time and money aren’t free.
NTA. They’re not toddlers (even if they are, that’s not an excuse). They KNOW what they did was unacceptable. They just know that they can get away with it. Proven by how your gf & their mom are enabling their behaviour.
I feel rude to even leave dirty dishes as a guest & these kids smashed tiles? Destroying someone’s property, now THAT’S unreasonable.
Op, onfo needed. What does your gf say to all this?
2 questions. 1, is it a joint mortgage, if not and only you are paying and only on the deeds dump the girlfriend, problem solved. 2, why is your girlfriend not stopping her siblings, is it because she is not out of pocket – in which case give her the bill every time they damage something it may make her realise the cost. Or if you are really petty, wrap up all the receipts of what you have spent and give them to her in lieu of birthday/Christmas gifts.
Edit: NTA
NTA. Get her to sign something to say if they come back to the house then she has to pay for damages. Why is she not concerned that they are damaging your home? Does she not value your time/money and effort that you put in?
Sit down and explain to your girlfriend why you don’t want her siblings to come over. Offer alternatives, like going to see them at their house or a third space like a restaurant or the park. Is there a reason they might “need” to stay with you rather than with their parents?
The kids are old enough to know what they’re doing is wrong. The fact they’re still doing it suggests there could be alternative motives. It might be worth sitting down with your girlfriend’s parents and asking if anything is going on with them. For example, if they resent you for “taking their sister away”.
If your girlfriend isn’t willing to at least consider your perspective, it might be worth reviewing this relationship. Not saying end it, but have a think, consider if there are other areas where your girlfriend might not be listening to you. If you end up marrying her you could be dealing with her forever. Is she worth it vs the hassle of selling the house you own together and getting out while you can?
We’re just internet weirdos on reddit, you’re the one who knows all the context. You might need to have a big think about some of these things.
NTA- Sounds like your GF needs to start paying for the repairs and your time. Or, she can move back in with her destructive family. It won’t get any better….
NTA. If they’re going to behave like overgrown toddlers and destroy things, the only way they can reasonably be in the house is if she supervises them accordingly. If she doesn’t want to keep her full attention on her destructive siblings, and she can’t pay for or fix the damage herself, they should not come over.
But this may end up being a relationship ending thing, as she is unwilling to have any consideration for the way they destroy your hard work.
Your girlfriend needs to pay for all the damages. I would say that she also has to physically do all the work with the repairs but you know she’s not going to do it properly. It’s alarming to me that she doesn’t seem to care about you or your home. I would kick them all out and lock the door behind them
NTA – tell her that the next time they break something, she has to pay for it to get repaired and/or replaced.
NTA
You have a wife problem. She obviously doesn’t respect the house or the money and work you’ve put in, or she’d be upset as well.
Tell her the kids are her responsibility and all damages will be paid for in full by her, including getting a professional to repair all damages. All organised and paid for by her. She might start being more careful if she doesn’t think the issues will just magically get fixed.
NTA. Is she on the title? If she is complacent about your house being vandalized by these monsters who are old enough to know better, sounds like she doesn’t deserve to be in your life anymore.
Why people are still coming with such ridiculous stories? Different but still the same.
99,99% of the adequate parents will not brush such stupidity off and will never say “it’s only a couple of tiles,”. And no one in the right mind will call this unreasonable.
You are not the unreasonable one in this situation, I would be steaming mad if I were you. NTA
Yta if you stay with that girl and her disrespectful ass family
Girlfriend needs to pay for those repairs because those children are old enough to know better. 14-year-old is 2 years away from driving a bloody car and is this irresponsible? Your girlfriend needs to start investing her money into this house of her name is on the title
Bill her and her parents. And let them know until it is paid off they can’t come over. ‘I pour all my blood and sweat into fixing this house and taking a hammer to the tiles and intentionally breaking and warping a pipe is malicious and intentional. So until you guys figure out what is the reason and root cause of all this, sorry but they are no longer welcome. You can go visit them. Spend as much time as you want with them but not in my house. Once your parents pay off the damage and repair costs we can reconsider. “
NTA … unbelievable these days how little respect some have for other’s property
Dude you don’t have an in-law problem you got a girlfriend problem , she telling you loud and clear who she really is , and the disrespect will only get worse , so many red flags why are you even with her sounds like she’s a nightmare
NTA animals behave better. Their parents don’t care which is why they behave this way.
Is your girlfriend’s name on the deed since she is bad with money and contributing nothing?