I found out someone posted a video of me on their social media without asking for my permission or even telling me they were recording. I wasn’t informed about the filming or the posting.
When I told my friend F about this, instead of supporting me, they kept making excuses for the person who posted it. Here’s how the conversation went:
Me: I felt violated because he should have informed everyone he was recording and asked before posting.
F: “Not all people are aware like that… Not everyone has the same values and beliefs as you… He can’t read minds.”
Me: Basic courtesy is informing people you’re recording them, especially if you plan to post it online.
F: “You think vloggers ask everyone for permission? The post isn’t harmful. Give him some grace.”
Me: I directly told F that I felt invalidated by their response.
F: “I’m not invalidating your feelings, but not everyone is like you. You wouldn’t have even known if no one told you. Maybe it’s better you weren’t told.”
When I pointed out they were minimizing my concerns, F got defensive:
F: “Why are you taking this against me? Maybe you shouldn’t have been told about it.”
Me: “You’re minimizing my concern by saying other people were in it too. Everyone should have been asked for consent, not just me.”
F: “Let’s not see each other tomorrow. Thanks.” (Canceling our plans)
Then F tried to backtrack:
F: “I’m not the villain here but you’re making me out to be one. I understand your privacy was violated. What do you want me to do?”
Me: “I never asked for the other side. I asked for basic support when my privacy was violated.”
F: “I’m sorry if you felt violated. I’m sorry that you think I’m defending him instead of supporting you… And if support lang, I’ve been nothing but supportive. Give him understanding – we all make mistakes. He probably didn’t know.”
Me: “You just apologized for defending him and then immediately defended him again in the same message.”
F: “Fine, go if that’s what you think and feel.”
I ended up messaging the person directly to ask them to remove the video or crop me out.
Am I overreacting here? I feel like asking for consent before filming and posting someone online is basic courtesy, especially since we’re not even friends. But my friend F kept acting like my privacy expectations were unreasonable and that I should just “give grace” to someone who didn’t extend me basic respect.
The part that really gets me is that F claimed they were being “rational” and “supportive” while consistently defending the person who violated my privacy. Even their apology came with more excuses for the guy.
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I found out someone posted a video of me on their social media without asking for my permission or even telling me they were recording. I wasn’t informed about the filming or the posting.
When I told my friend F about this, instead of supporting me, they kept making excuses for the person who posted it. Here’s how the conversation went:
Me: I felt violated because he should have informed everyone he was recording and asked before posting.
F: “Not all people are aware like that… Not everyone has the same values and beliefs as you… He can’t read minds.”
Me: Basic courtesy is informing people you’re recording them, especially if you plan to post it online.
F: “You think vloggers ask everyone for permission? The post isn’t harmful. Give him some grace.”
Me: I directly told F that I felt invalidated by their response.
F: “I’m not invalidating your feelings, but not everyone is like you. You wouldn’t have even known if no one told you. Maybe it’s better you weren’t told.”
When I pointed out they were minimizing my concerns, F got defensive:
F: “Why are you taking this against me? Maybe you shouldn’t have been told about it.”
Me: “You’re minimizing my concern by saying other people were in it too. Everyone should have been asked for consent, not just me.”
F: “Let’s not see each other tomorrow. Thanks.” (Canceling our plans)
Then F tried to backtrack:
F: “I’m not the villain here but you’re making me out to be one. I understand your privacy was violated. What do you want me to do?”
Me: “I never asked for the other side. I asked for basic support when my privacy was violated.”
F: “I’m sorry if you felt violated. I’m sorry that you think I’m defending him instead of supporting you… And if support lang, I’ve been nothing but supportive. Give him understanding – we all make mistakes. He probably didn’t know.”
Me: “You just apologized for defending him and then immediately defended him again in the same message.”
F: “Fine, go if that’s what you think and feel.”
I ended up messaging the person directly to ask them to remove the video or crop me out.
Am I overreacting here? I feel like asking for consent before filming and posting someone online is basic courtesy, especially since we’re not even friends. But my friend F kept acting like my privacy expectations were unreasonable and that I should just “give grace” to someone who didn’t extend me basic respect.
The part that really gets me is that F claimed they were being “rational” and “supportive” while consistently defending the person who violated my privacy. Even their apology came with more excuses for the guy.
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> It appears that she is making me feel the bad guy for feeling uncomfortable about whole situation.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You’re not overreacting. Asking for consent before posting someone online is literally basic respect. Your friend F failed at supporting you. they kept defending the person who violated your privacy instead of having your back. You did the right thing by addressing it directly.
You are taking this out on the wrong person. Yes. it’s common courtesy to be asked or told before being recorded, especially if it’s going to be posted online. However, your expectation of privacy would depend on where you were at the time. Your consent to being recorded isn’t needed if you are in cetain public places.
I’ll go with NAH for the moment. I get why you’re upset. However, if your friend is also friends with the person who recorded and posted then I get why they would be stuck between a rock and a hard place. Trying to be supportive of one friend whilst defending the other is a fine balancing act.
NTA. The biggest problem is the person who posted a recording without consent. At this point it is common decency to ask before recording and posting, you’re right. And your friend, F, kept essentially telling you that you were wrong to expect to be treated with common decency. That’s quite unpleasant.
As is often stated here – this isn’t “have I the legal right to do something”…..
Maybe this person did have the legal right to record and post the OP on social media, but is the OP an asshole for objecting to them doing it without their permission – I say “no” (especially if the OP considered them a friend).
NTA
It all depends on where the video was taken. If it was taken in a public place. Then whatever was recorded is 100% legal. If it was in a private place then the expectation would be that it was private.
There is something really weird about this convo .
Almost like the friend is defensive…
Might be a long shot, but is there a chance the friend has been recording someone (or op) in weird situations? Like a toilet camera, or secret sexy videos?
They’re literally validating keeping recordings a secret for no reason..
NAH. Depending on laws where you live, and where you were when you were videoed, the person who posted it may not be doing anything illegal. It’s terribly bad manners, yes, and I would also feel like my privacy was invaded, but F may be talking about what is legally right or wrong – if you were in a public place when you were videoed you may not have any legal right to an expectation of privacy. You took the correct action in this case and asked the poster to take down the post. I think you and F were just having a difference of opinion.
This really depends on the circumstances and content of the recording of which you gave us no details. If you were in a public place, you actually do not need permission to tape someone. (That doesn’t make it an okay thing to do, but F may be looking at it this way.) However because you seem more upset with F than the video actually being posted, it leads me to think the content isn’t actually the problem. And you are risking a friendship with F at this point if you don’t lay off of them.
yta because he’s not wrong. Not everyone thinks recordings with friends or something are private. And not only that, he didn’t even push the narrative that he supports him. He’s saying, as a friend, that he doesn’t think it was malicious. Doesn’t mean he didn’t make a mistake. Taking it out on the wrong person as someone else said.
NTA.
Was it public or private? Can you really expect everyone who whips their camera out to ask for consent from everyone who will appear in the frame?
NTA for feeling how you feel towards your friend. You have a right to your feelings.
You’re possibly very wrong about the recording, however.
Not sure where you live, but in the US, each state has their own laws about recordings. Generally it’s always allowed in public and you don’t need consent. In private, each law differs. Many states have single party consent, meaning only one person involved (i.e.
the person making the video) needs to agree. The other person doesn’t.
So legally speaking, it’s likely the person who took the video was well within their right to do so, at least legally. In your defense, it’s also legal to pick your nose in public, but still considered rude.
INFO: where was the video recorded and what was happening? Something embarrassing?
If you were out and about in public, just doing normal stuff, then you have no expectation at all of not being recorded.
YTA why are you making this such an issue between you and F? They aren’t the person who recorded you. I’m not surprised they cancelled their plans with you, you sound exhausting
depending on where it was filmed – and that list of “protected” locations is getting pretty small – you probably didnt actually have any right or expectation to privacy where you were recorded, so they dont need to tell you its being recorded, and they dont need your permission to record or upload it.
you would have to state where you were (generically) to actually know for sure.
>I feel like asking for consent before filming and posting someone online is basic courtesy
not in todays world. hasnt been for quite a while now. they typically only need your permission if the video is for commercial purposes.
>But my friend F kept acting like my privacy expectations were unreasonable
well to be fair they do seem a bit unreasonable (especially if you werent, at minimum, in your own home)
>Am I overreacting here
yes, it think you are a bit, but i dont think youre the AH for getting upset over it. youre allowed to get upset over things, just realise that the other person may have done nothing actually wrong (or illegal).
>I ended up messaging the person directly to ask them to remove the video or crop me out.
thats about the best you can do under these sorts of circumstances. just realise that they dont have to do anything.
INFO: what was the video about. were you the main focus? What was happening in the video? What was the title and captions of the video
NTA, not cool to be recorded without your consent. That guy was waaaaay out of line, and F doesn’t seem to see the problem, which is BONKERS. I’m not sure why the guy didn’t even ask to film you, thought that was common sense. Guess common sense isn’t so common after all.
You are not entitled to privacy in public. Anyone can record anyone else and post whatever as long as it is in public.
NTA The legality of someone you know recording you without consent has nothing to do with being upset about it. The situation is that OPs friend was dismissing and invalidating their feelings which makes the friend TA imo.
It sounds like this was the wrong person to ask for emotional support
Honestly? It really depends on the context. What was the situation being recorded? Was there a real expectation or privacy? Why aren’t you talking to the person who made the post?
It sounds like F was being neutral here and you wanted them to just take your side and be done with it. Which again, without context I don’t know if that’s reasonable or not.
NTA. Your feelings are entirely valid.
BUT in 2025, if you are in public, just have the expectation that you are going to be filmed. They can put that on social media if they want to. I recognize it sucks and it can feel like an invasion of privacy. However, there should be no expectation of privacy in public.
A lot of the filming that is done is for security. While your situation is different, and you haven’t been clear on where you were when he filmed, there is a gray area here.
There likely wasn’t malicious intent. Were you someplace you weren’t supposed to be? Your friend wasn’t wrong in saying to give grace, but she shouldn’t have invalidated your feelings.
First, you are right to feel violated. Second, you don’t need anyone agreeing with you. Why are you even discussing this with a third party? Go straight to the offender, speak your mind and deal only with their response. Being mad at some third party who is irrelevant in what happened seems like you are just mad that they didn’t agree with you.
NTA. Basic respect and awareness
Your friend may have a similar problem with that if they’re defending it this hard