I (20M) am in college and share an off-campus apartment with my roommate (20M). We both signed the lease, split rent and utilities 50/50, and it’s been fine… until recently.
For the past two months, his girlfriend (19F) has been here literally every single day. She sleeps over 5–6 nights a week, eats our groceries, showers here, and uses up all the hot water. She doesn’t pay for rent or utilities, but she’s basically living here.
I brought it up to my roommate and said I don’t mind her staying sometimes, but it’s getting out of hand. He got defensive and said, “Well, she’s my girlfriend, and she basically lives with me anyway, so what’s the big deal?”
The big deal is that I didn’t agree to live with her. She’s messy, never helps clean up, and I feel like I’m living in a couple’s apartment instead of my own space. I told him if she’s going to be here this much, she should chip in for rent and utilities. He said I was being unreasonable and that I “hate her for no reason.”
Now he’s barely talking to me and even told some of our mutual friends that I’m being an asshole for “policing his relationship.”
So, AITA for not wanting my roommate’s girlfriend to basically live with us for free?
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I (20M) am in college and share an off-campus apartment with my roommate (20M). We both signed the lease, split rent and utilities 50/50, and it’s been fine… until recently.
For the past two months, his girlfriend (19F) has been here literally every single day. She sleeps over 5–6 nights a week, eats our groceries, showers here, and uses up all the hot water. She doesn’t pay for rent or utilities, but she’s basically living here.
I brought it up to my roommate and said I don’t mind her staying sometimes, but it’s getting out of hand. He got defensive and said, “Well, she’s my girlfriend, and she basically lives with me anyway, so what’s the big deal?”
The big deal is that I didn’t agree to live with her. She’s messy, never helps clean up, and I feel like I’m living in a couple’s apartment instead of my own space. I told him if she’s going to be here this much, she should chip in for rent and utilities. He said I was being unreasonable and that I “hate her for no reason.”
Now he’s barely talking to me and even told some of our mutual friends that I’m being an asshole for “policing his relationship.”
So, AITA for not wanting my roommate’s girlfriend to basically live with us for free?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my roommate that his girlfriend can’t basically live with us without paying rent or utilities. I might be the asshole because I set that boundary, and now he feels like I’m trying to control his relationship and who he can have over at the apartment.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Tell your roommate she can start paying 1/3 of everything and check what your lease says about guests staying over. Your friend is TA – its a whole different situation living with a couple vs a friend. Good luck.
NTA
Start making plans to move out, he is an AH roommate.
NTA. She is not on the lease. She does not pay rent. She is apparently eating food she doesn’t pay for. She was not part of the agreement between you and your roommate. Start looking for a new roommate or a new place to live, and in the meantime try to make your roommate agree to limits.
NTA
If he’s that eager, he can move in with her. what he can’t do is expect you to put up with her basically living in your place for free and taking over your space.
NTA speak to your landlord about an unauthorised tenant
NTA, but you probably should have had an understanding from the beginning about ground rules for gfs. That being said, she needs to clean up after herself and either contribute to food or quit eating there. And shower at home
NTA
Chances are that there is very little you are going to be able to do short of not living with this roommate again once the lease is up.
My 2¢: Talk to your roommate about 3 issues
Don’t make it about her not being there. Make it about her being responsible in the way that she is there.
NTA – if he has moved another person in, then he should expect to pay 2/3rd of the lease costs. She is freeloading on you. If you signed an agreement for the apartment check what it says about adding extra people.
Time to get the landlord involved. She’s an unauthorized tenant who’s adding to the expenses.
She needs to pay her fair share, or frankly, you should be moving out
NTA
NTA. Even if she bought groceries and cleaned up after herself, you didn’t agree to live with her. The lease and accommodations are split between two, not three. Any “friends” who are on their side can take your place and help to fund her life.
NTA, they should pay 1/3 the rent.
Freeloader! You didn’t agree to move in with her as a roommate and now good luck getting your roommate to limit her time spent there. Usually it’s a done deal once they’re there all the time. If you don’t want the leeches as roommates you need to check your lease. She either becomes a full on roommate and pays her part or talk to your landlord. You can move out if the landlord agrees and you explain the situation. Either way one of you will ultimately end up moving when your lease is up. NTA
Split the rent 3 ways or he can move out … it’s simple. Stick to your guns. Any friends that take his side can share an apartment with him and his freeloading GF… don’t back down ever
NTA
Coming from the POV of the girlfriend that pretty much moved in with my bf and his roommates. You are not the asshole. When I inched my way into living with my bf, I had non stop anxiety every day for a while, because that last thing I wanted was for it to be a problem, but being young I also didn’t want to leave or even have the awkward is this okay convo. Instead, what I did like I feel like is the least a person who is in that situation should do, is make my presence there enjoyable. (Keep in mind I also moved in with my 2 year old at the time). When his roommates went out of town for a few days, I’d deep clean their entire house, I’d feed the dogs, take them outside, bring back food. Hang out with them so they could actually get to know me and not just have a stranger living in their house. Kept the fridge filled, cooked dinner. All while caring for my child and working over 40 hours a week. If you’re gonna crash at least make it worth while, and at the end of the day, the only thing that I feel I could’ve done differently is at least make sure it was okay first.
Look for another living situation. As soon as you can move, explain the situation to your landlord and see if you can get out of the lease. You need to cut them loose and move.
You can always counter the “he hates my gf” with no, I hate LIVING with your girlfriend.
NTA.
Look for somewhere else to live, and until then you pay only a third of all the bills.
NTA, you’re in the right in here
If his girlfriend “basically lives with me anyway” she has to start paying rent, utilities and groceries, that’s a no- brainer. If he doesn’t want to make her pay then HE has to cover for her, it’s HIS girlfriend. So I think rent, groceries and utilities have to be divided 70/30
You’re NOT “policing his relationship.” What you want is not to support HIS girlfriend, because that’s not fair for you
Why doesn’t he go to his girlfriend’s place half the time? NTA. Get a copy of the lease and demand it be followed. Seeing boundaries is better than living as a third wheel in your own home.
NTA. move out and get her to take over your half of the lease. Explain the situation to the landlord who probably rented on the premise of 2 tenants, not 3.
You’ll find another place and flatmate. He won’t give in because she is clearly the boss.