I have a friend who persistently ask about me and I can’t tell if it’s normal between friends since I don’t have many friends and have never met someone like this.
They ask questions such as:
- Did you eat? When did you eat? What did you eat? Where did you eat? Was it good?
- Did you drink? When did you drink? What did you drink?
- Did you shower? When did you shower? How often do you shower?
- Did you sleep? When did you sleep? How was your sleep? How are you feeling?
- How was your day? What did you do today? What are you doing?
All in the same conversation.
There are more questions about other areas of my life which I won’t list. They also ask further questions for reasons why I do what I do. Sometimes, they give unsolicited advices. At first, I thought this was their way of getting to know people. Now, it’s annoying. It’s what dominate most of our conversations and we talk often (at least once every other day). It feels like a chore and I try to add variety and move the conversation along by joking or lying or changing the subject. I feel bad because it seems like they are genuinely concerned or just want to interact with me but at the same time, they are not my counsellor, my life couch or my parent.
Be noted, I met and have been spending time with this person for almost a year. They are my only current active IRL friend for the past year. I have never met anyone like this. I have a very strong urge to tell them to back off. I operate by “If I don’t bring it up first, you don’t ask.” so am I just nitpicking?
Any questions are welcomed.
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I have a friend who persistently ask about me and I can’t tell if it’s normal between friends since I don’t have many friends and have never met someone like this.
They ask questions such as:
They are more question about other areas of my life which I won’t list. They also ask further questions for reasons for why I do what I do. Sometimes, they give unsolicited advices. At first, I thought this was their way of getting to know people. Now, it’s annoying. It’s what dominate most of our conversations and we talk often (at least once every other day). It feels like a chore and I try to add variety and move the conversation along by joking or lying or changing the subject. I feel bad because it seems like they are genuinely concerned or just want to interact with me but at the same time, they are not my counsellor, my life couch or my parent.
Be noted, I met and have been spending time with this person for almost a year. They are my only current active IRL friend for the past year. I have never met anyone like this. I have a very strong urge to tell them to back off. I operate by “If I don’t bring it up first, you don’t ask.” so am I just nitpicking?
Any questions are welcomed.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I lie and joke when it seems my friend is being serious and honest and I think I might be a bad friend for ignoring them and doing whatever else I do (lying, joking, ignoring them etc).
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Dudes a questionnaire
So my partner has ADHD, (as do I) when I say something he is interested in he has about 10 questions in his head, and because he does not want to forget them he fires them at me all at once. It’s overwhelming! Esp as being interrupted is something I hate….
Him: What did you eat?
Me: I had the…
Him: Was is good?
Me: Well I started with the….
Him: Was it expensive?
Me: bfjd jdjd in bun dvsgdks!
I have found calmly telling him I can’t deal with so many questions at once, and if he does it gently redirecting him.
It’s still a work in progress, but it might be worth trying something similar.
As for unsolicited advice…
“Thank you, I will think about that.”
“I will reach our if I decide I’d like feedback.”
“I’m looking for sympathy/support not advice, right now.”
You are NTA but if you continue lying rather than addressing the issue you might become one.
It sounds a bit like your friend has trouble connecting with people and they have read a book that says ask people about their day. That, or for some reason they are very worried about you and are trying to make sure you take care of yourself.
In any case, NAH for now (I assume the friends means well), but I really feel like you cannot keep lying to them. You need to address the issue that you do not feel comfortable when they treat you like they are your counselor or your parent, and you just want to be friends.
It sounds like you hate this person, why are you friends??????
NAH
It’s annoying as hell for sure, but I’ve got a reeeeeally strong feeling that this person has a lot of trouble socializing and is doing their best
It’s not normal. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the “How was your day?” set of questions, but the rest are weirdly intrusive. I might say to a friend “Have you eaten lunch yet? No? Neither have I. Let’s grab something, shall we?” but the interrogation ends there.
It feels like a chore and I try to add variety and move the conversation along by *joking or lying or changing the subject**.*
Nowhere in your post do you say you have tried simply saying this:
“Why are you asking?”
… which is the first thing I’d be trying.
I have no idea why your friend is like this, but if you go from giving polite (if sometimes untrue) answers to an angry “Just back off, will you?”, to them it’ll seem like going from zero to a hundred. If they’re genuinely your friend, I think they deserve a chance to at least explain themselves first.
You can listen to their answer, then depending on what it is, you can respond with something like “Well, I really hate these sorts of questions. It’s intrusive. I feel like I’m facing the Spanish Inquisition. And it dominates our conversation. Please stop. I’d much prefer to talk about other things.”
Same goes for the unsolicited advice. I have a feeling you’ve never said “I’m not looking for advice, thanks.”
NTA, but you will be if you don’t start using your words.
They might be interested in you romantically, worth checking into anyway. NAH.
Sounds like your friend has main character syndrome but for your life. Just set a boundary like “hey, I’d rather talk about other stuff” and see how they take it. If they’re a real friend, they’ll chill.
I think that most of those are normal questions in isolation (aside from the shower ones, those are weird) but you’re free to not like them or not like to answer them. I think NAH but definitely have a conversation with your friend and let them know you don’t like being asked so many questions about the minutiae of your day and you would rather talk about other stuff.