Wondering if this was rude or inconsiderate of me.
Basically, my parents (60s) have come to visit me(22F) from out of town and will be staying nearby for about a month. They came a week ago and I’ve seen them almost every day since, even driving to their place after work. They also slept at my place two nights in a row this past week.
I have no problem with this, and I am so happy that they’re here to visit. However, I am introverted and also work 40 hours a week. I value my alone time on the weekend and ability to just relax for an extended period of time.
Today (Saturday), I spent from about 10am to 4pm with my parents doing a mix of activities and we ended up back at my place. I started getting tired and wanting some alone time and I feel that I did try to indirectly suggest that I just want to relax on my own. They did not get the hint and stayed for about another hour after. Eventually, I said in a joking tone “okay, I’m probably kicking you guys out at 4:30”. Then explained I really just need to relax. They said they were okay with leaving but acted a little offended and guilt tripped me slightly. My dad said I should feel lucky to have them around like this.
I definitely didn’t want to offend them or hurt their feelings, but I just needed some time to myself and they have a habit of not respecting my boundaries at times. Also important to note that we have plans tomorrow and they’ll be back 10am and will probably stay until dinner. I then have work the next morning.
AITA?
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Wondering if this was rude or inconsiderate of me.
Basically, my parents (60s) have come to visit me(22F) from out of town and will be staying nearby for about a month. They came a week ago and I’ve seen them almost every day since, even driving to their place after work. They also slept at my place two nights in a row this past week.
I have no problem with this, and I am so happy that they’re here to visit. However, I am introverted and also work 40 hours a week. I value my alone time on the weekend and ability to just relax for an extended period of time.
Today (Saturday), I spent from about 10am to 4pm with my parents doing a mix of activities and we ended up back at my place. I started getting tired and wanting some alone time and I feel that I did try to indirectly suggest that I just want to relax on my own. They did not get the hint and stayed for about another hour after. Eventually, I said in a joking tone “okay, I’m probably kicking you guys out at 4:30”. Then explained I really just need to relax. They said they were okay with leaving but acted a little offended and guilt tripped me slightly. My dad said I should feel lucky to have them around like this.
I definitely didn’t want to offend them or hurt their feelings, but I just needed some time to myself and they have a habit of not respecting my boundaries at times. Also important to note that we have plans tomorrow and they’ll be back 10am and will probably stay until dinner. I then have work the next morning.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my parents to leave my apartment. I think this might have been rude or insensitive of me. That is what I am asking about.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Just tell them what you told us: That you’re really glad to have them around, and you also need some down time.
YTA, they were there to visit and spend time with you and you just “kicked” them out for hanging around an hour too long… yes I get it, you want to chill and whatnot but it’s not like they’ll be doing that for the rest of your life so being so rude and upfront about them having to leave you alone is excessive.
It’s not the end of the world, call them and just say sorry, make up a dumb excuse like I was stressed and move on.
NTA. Explain to them that you love them very much and enjoy time with them but ALSO need alone time to just relax and unwind
NTA. I say that as someone whose parents are already gone. We all need space and it’s ok to have proper boundaries.
YTA. And it’s a no brainer.
NTA
NTA
NTA. People who aren’t introverted may not get it quite as well, but when you need to recharge, that’s exactly what you need to do. Being around others, giving your energy to others, no matter who they are, is depleting your social battery. You need to replenish it before going again, out of consideration for them as much as anything else. You don’t want to be a social vacuum, so asking for some alone time is one of the most considerate things you can do; it helps ensure that you have the energy to give them that they deserve.
Your father is right about you being lucky to have them around. Also, boundaries are okay and you don’t have to spend every second with your family. NTA for giving yourself some You time.
NTA. For a visit of that length, you guys should come up with a schedule. You need to work and still have a life. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, and general errands. They need to understand that. Maybe a few days a week and Saturday together. They can play tourist or just relax the rest of the time.
YTA. Unless your parents were abusive there’s no need for you to be like this to them.
When your parents are on their deathbed and you’re praying for more time, regretting not spending more time with them, I want you to remember this moment.
NTA I’ve told my dad and family that “I’m kicking you out so I can shower in peace” and in the way I was joking about actually kicking them out they joked about being hurt but reiterated that they understand and were not actually hurt at being “kicked out”
It’s perfectly normal to not want to have company constantly even if it’s your parents.
NTA, because a month is a long time to have guests spending almost every hour of your leisure time with you. You’re not the asshole for wanting a break for that. (I’m an introvert too, and I need LOTS of breaks away from other people. Even if I love them, it’s draining.)
But I’d suggest handling it a little differently. Rather than dropping hints and then finally kicking them out (no matter how gently) after you’ve spent hours in their presence and you’re starting to become exhausted, consider telling them your needs in advance.
Something like this:
“Saturday morning I have stuff I need to do. How about we meet at midday for lunch, and then afterwards do [activity]? But I’ll need to leave you at 5pm, so you’ll have to entertain yourselves after that. If you’re looking for a good dinner place, I can recommend restaurants Y or Z. Now, Sunday… sorry, I won’t be able to catch up with you at all until Sunday evening, but here’s a list of things/places you might be interested in. I’ll meet you at 7pm for dinner. It’ll need to be an early night, though, because I have to be up early for work the next morning. I need to be in bed by 10pm.”
This way, they will know that you’re happy to see them, but they will also know that their lengthy visit needs to be slotted into your very busy schedule and you can’t be with them every moment you’re not working. (Taking a nap or lying down with a book is a valid part of your busy schedule, but you don’t need to tell them that.) If you can provide them with suggestions for things to do / places to go that don’t involve you being there in person, all the better.
NTA If they stay offended, I’d tell them Look, I hope you can understand this: I am enjoying spending time with you while you are here and want to spend more time with you — but sometimes I’m tired and and just need some alone time to unwind, and so want to call it a day. That’s all. If you can understand that then there doesn’t need to be any ill-feeling, as I do want to spend time with you.
Really, it’s your parents who were insensitive, not getting hints and staying beyond their welcome, and then getting offended when you had to be more direct. And even saying it in joking direct fashion they should understand the real message — that it’s time to call it a day (no matter how fun a day it was) and that’s all it means. It doesn’t mean you are hated and welcome no more, or anything melodramatic.
Offer to go pick food up, take really long showers, go poop a lot, if you have a dog walk it, go clean your car out because you want to drive them to the activity. Change clothes, If you can try to preplan like 1 thing an hour, and savor it.
Putting on a movie is good too, as long as they don’t want it loud.
Good luck.
NTA. They’re probably not really used to you being an adult with full-blown personal space since you’re only 22. They’ll get over it.
Open conversation is need imo.