Me (18M) and my dad (48M) got into a little argument last evening about my life as a foreign student. I’m starting uni soon in another country from where I’ve lived all my life. Now mind that I never wanted this.
I’ve been a straight A student all my life and achieved everything on my own and even though the uni’s in my home country may not be as great as the others I still thought that I could manage to get a great education and start off my career. My dad made his decision clear that I’d be going abroad no matter what and forced me.
Now we’re here talking about how i’m not eligible for a study grant because of some burocratic reasons and for that he wants me to get a job. Even after bringing me here without my will and promising to not burden me with any of his wishes anymore he still continues. I’ve told him from the beginning that if he can’t handle it economically to not send me abroad, because I wanted to learn during my bachelor and not work. Now am I the asshole for refusing to get a job?
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Me (18M) and my dad (48M) got into a little argument last evening about my life as a foreign student. I’m starting uni soon in another country from where I’ve lived all my life. Now mind that I never wanted this.
I’ve been a straight A student all my life and achieved everything on my own and even though the uni’s in my home country may not be as great as the others I still thought that I could manage to get a great education and start off my career. My dad made his decision clear that I’d be going abroad no matter what and forced me.
Now we’re here talking about how i’m not eligible for a study grant because of some burocratic reasons and for that he wants me to get a job. Even after bringing me here without my will and promising to not burden me with any of his wishes anymore he still continues. I’ve told him from the beginning that if he can’t handle it economically to not send me abroad, because I wanted to learn during my bachelor and not work. Now am I the asshole for refusing to get a job?
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> 1. The action of refusing to get a job and burdening my parents with the responsibility of supporting me economically may be judged.
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I had to work during my bachelor and support myself and pay my own rent even as a domestic student 🤷♀️
NTA I guess
Info: Are you even allowed to work legally? It’s not uncommon for student visas to significantly limit employment opportunities and terms.
If you are able to work, I recommend doing it for reasons other than just money. Work experience and learning how to balance things in life make even a part-time job worthwhile and valuable.
YTA
You are an adult so you can make your own choices, but you’ll have to pay for them. If your dad’s condition for paying for some of your studies is going abroad and you can’t afford to stay home and pay your tuition yourself, then that’s just the way it is. Be thankful you get to study and it’s a good opportunity to learn to balance responsibilities and to help pay your own way.
Straight A’s don’t mean free labor. You’re not the AH.
I don’t know if you’re the AH or not, but have you considerered that getting a job would lead to you depending less on your dad and getting some independence so you don’t have to follow his every wish if you don’t want to? I think it’s not really fair to force you, but you could really benefit from it.
INFO: what would happen if you just went to a university in your own country? How is he forcing you to go abroad? He can’t push you onto the plane and buckle you in.
Imfo: is it even legal to work on a student visa in your uni’s country? Because there are many where it isn’t.
NTA, but I do suggest you to get a job you’re an adult and it’s about time you start being independent.
NTA. You should be able to focus on your studies. But a job might be helpful.
Also, depending on where you are studying, there may be restrictions or limits on your student visa regarding work. Check the rules before getting a job.
NTA
Yta. You’re an adult whining about your dad telling you that you need to start pulling your own weight.
You act like you have no choice but to be attending this top tier university. You poor thing. You have an opportunity here that most people don’t. Embrace it, or waste it. Your choice. You could always choose to drop out and support yourself completely without your dad. Millions of adults survive without parental support. Either way, its still your choice.
NAH. I actually think you are quite brave. Many people never stand up to their parents and assert their own opinions or needs, even into late adulthood. They stay quiet and go along. Defying parents can be particularly hard for certain cultures (I don’t know where you’re from.) or when money is involved.
I think if your parents are paying for your education and you plan to accept that money, then they should have some right to determine where you study. If you refuse to go to the school/country of their choice, then be prepared to have to pay the consequences by paying for your own education or living arrangements.
However, it sounds like they can’t afford to send you wherever it is they want you to go, and you may need to work regardless. So may as well stick to your gut and work to pay for the choice you want for yourself then work to pay for what your parents want for you.
You are very young though, and an opportunity to live in another country is very rewarding, even if it is scary. Perhaps you should give it a try for a year. You may end up liking it.
NTA. Dad is slowly setting you up as his retirement plan is how I read this. You’re 18. He can’t “force” you to go to another country. That is what is known as kidnapping.
NTA
It’s not unreasonable to want to focus on your studies. People do work while studying if they must, but it’s not ideal.
Is it too late to be accepted where you were brought up? Can you do this as an emancipated student? Is it important to you, to the extent that you would consider taking a local job? If you’re going to be forced to work abroad anyway, you might want to consider all your options and stay put.
There’s another issue to consider, because depending on what your study subject is and where you intend to live after graduating, going abroad to study may mean additional difficulty for you in finding employment. For example, medical or law school training could mean re-qualifying.
This is a difficult position for you to be in at 18 and your father is applying a lot of pressure. You have some serious thinking to do quickly, and I wish you much luck.
YTA
You should get some work experience you sound entitled