My dad texted the other day and told us the phonetic spelling of our last name, to which I replied with the phonetic spelling of the way I’ve pronounced it for the last 36 years. My dad initially “laughed“ at my text and then I replied “no like that’s literally how I say it.” And my dad replied with his grandmother created this last name to pronounce it the way he phonetically spelled it (I honestly don’t even know if that’s true bc my dad is a bullshitter, tbh). To be clear, the difference is minor and it is whether or not to pronounce the J as it is in English or like its French origins. I hate the way that my family uses the hard J because it sounds hick to me. (we’re American and have such a small percentage of French heritage that it doesn’t even really count anymore, but it feels so wrong to say it with the hard J.)
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My dad texted the other day and told us the phonetic spelling of our last name, to which I replied with the phonetic spelling of the way I’ve pronounced it for the last 36 years. My dad initially “laughed“ at my text and then I replied “no like that’s literally how I say it.” And my dad replied with his grandmother created this last name to pronounce it the way he phonetically spelled it (I honestly don’t even know if that’s true bc my dad is a bullshitter, tbh). To be clear, the difference is minor and it is whether or not to pronounce the J as it is in English or like its French origins. I hate the way that my family uses the hard J because it sounds hick to me. (we’re American and have such a small percentage of French heritage that it doesn’t even really count anymore, but it feels so wrong to say it with the hard J.)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I pronounce my last name differently than all my other family members and my dad got mad. I don’t want to pronounce it the way he wants me to pronounce it
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You dad is responsible for educating you on such things during your childhood and any failure on your part to pronounce your name correctly is solely his responsibility.
NTA tell your dad you’re glad he told the history to you but you’ve gotten too used to the way you pronounce your last name and you both should probably use it the way it feels right to you. He shouldn’t bash you for using it your way and you shouldn’t bash him for using it his way.
I feel pronounciations are just a mutual agreement than a strict rule as long as you’re clear and understood there’s no harm in pronouncing it the way it feels more natural to you.
I found out at 32 years old I’d been pronouncing my middle name wrong my whole life, as had my mother (it’s my great grandmother’s name). I hate the actual pronunciation so I’m sticking to mine lol. You do you, no one else is gonna know.
NTA
You’ve been saying your own last name your whole life the way that feels right to you. Your dad can stick with his version, but that doesn’t make your pronunciation wrong. Names evolve, and it’s reasonable to use the pronunciation that fits you.
I am pretty sure he is just shitting with you, just laugh it off. he would have corrected you young if you were spelling it wrong.
NTA. You have every right to call yourself whatever you want. It’s your name. His name is hard J and yours is not. He will likely continue to use his pronunciation for you, too…but you do you.
What the fuck? Am I losing my mind? Why are you, as presumably an adult, hearing how your last name is meant to be pronounced for the first time?
INFO: How did your dad not know how you pronounced your own name all these years?
I have a fairly uncommon last name that is originally German, but we pronounce it the anglicized way.
Sadly there’s an asshole in the US news that shares my name and various outlets pronounce it both ways. So people in my life have asked me which is correct.
Whichever one disowns that asshole. But also I don’t care.
Heh. I have a friend who pronounces his name with a soft S (like a Z) and at some point he told me his entire family pronounces it with a hard S. I looked at him point blank and said “they’re all wrong.” “Yes, I know”.
NTA. Your name is your name, and you get to decide how it is pronounced. If relatives choose to pronounce that name differently for themselves, that is their affair.