I (21F) transferred to a new university in the spring and moved into a suite on campus with 3 roommates: Alexis, Penelope, and Kate. Alexis and I became close. I thought Penelope, Kate and I were friends too, which is why we opted to live together for our junior year…but lately they’ve acted hostile.
Kate and Penelope dubbed me “princess,” even though I don’t have what I consider a luxury life. My parents are working class (mom is a teacher, dad’s a mechanic). But they think I’m spoiled because I didn’t start paying rent at 18, though their parents made them. This only came up after we came back after the summer. They were talking about how their parents made them pay rent over the summer and asked if I did. I said my parents never charged me, and they started bringing it up a lot. They turned on Alexis too when she mentioned she’s also never paid rent. (Alexis has had a rough upbringing, being homeless at one point, which is why her mom won’t charge her rent because she wants to make up for that. She hasn’t told our roommates, so I don’t either.)
All of us work part time jobs while attending classes. If I have a rough day at work and vent, Kate or Penelope snark, “Welcome to the real world, everyone has hard days.” I say yes, they do, and we’re allowed to talk about it. Another time, we were all discussing first jobs. I mentioned babysitting from 14-17, even with two regular gigs, but I didn’t work my first non-babysitting job until 18 when I started retail. Penelope and Kate got on me again, saying they weren’t surprised and telling me I don’t know real work ethic because they started restaurant jobs at 15. I didn’t know what to say.
I have a complicated dynamic with my family. My parents and I aren’t very close; they were emotionally abusive. I’ve shared this with my roommates. The other night, my mom called and picked a fight that ended with both of us yelling. I hung up upset. Penelope stopped in and told me if she ever spoke to her mom that way, she’d be in big trouble, accusing me of being disrespectful and saying I should be nicer to the person letting me live rent free. I got even more upset and told her she knew nothing about my life. She repeated herself and I told her maybe if she yelled at her own mom for some of the stuff her mom has done (she’s told me about her mom bullying her), she wouldn’t be such a miserable bitch. That apparently crossed a line, she went crying to Kate and now both are mad. They want to call a meeting with housing and get me kicked out for “being hostile.” Alexis feels I should’ve ignored Penelope and avoided the drama. So…AITA for what I said?
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I (21F) transferred to a new university in the spring and moved into a suite on campus with 3 roommates: Alexis, Penelope, and Kate. Alexis and I became close. I thought Penelope, Kate and I were friends too, which is why we opted to live together for our junior year…but lately they’ve acted hostile.
Kate and Penelope dubbed me “princess,” even though I don’t have what I consider a luxury life. My parents are working class (mom is a teacher, dad’s a mechanic). But they think I’m spoiled because I didn’t start paying rent at 18, though their parents made them. This only came up after we came back after the summer. They were talking about how their parents made them pay rent over the summer and asked if I did. I said my parents never charged me, and they started bringing it up a lot. They turned on Alexis too when she mentioned she’s also never paid rent. (Alexis has had a rough upbringing, being homeless at one point, which is why her mom won’t charge her rent because she wants to make up for that. She hasn’t told our roommates, so I don’t either.)
All of us work part time jobs while attending classes. If I have a rough day at work and vent, Kate or Penelope snark, “Welcome to the real world, everyone has hard days.” I say yes, they do, and we’re allowed to talk about it. Another time, we were all discussing first jobs. I mentioned babysitting from 14-17, even with two regular gigs, but I didn’t work my first non-babysitting job until 18 when I started retail. Penelope and Kate got on me again, saying they weren’t surprised and telling me I don’t know real work ethic because they started restaurant jobs at 15. I didn’t know what to say.
I have a complicated dynamic with my family. My parents and I aren’t very close; they were emotionally abusive. I’ve shared this with my roommates. The other night, my mom called and picked a fight that ended with both of us yelling. I hung up upset. Penelope stopped in and told me if she ever spoke to her mom that way, she’d be in big trouble, accusing me of being disrespectful and saying I should be nicer to the person letting me live rent free. I got even more upset and told her she knew nothing about my life. She repeated herself and I told her maybe if she yelled at her own mom for some of the stuff her mom has done (she’s told me about her mom bullying her), she wouldn’t be such a miserable bitch. That apparently crossed a line, she went crying to Kate and now both are mad. They want to call a meeting with housing and get me kicked out for “being hostile.” Alexis feels I should’ve ignored Penelope and avoided the drama. So…AITA for what I said?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Calling my roommate a miserable bitch 2) It made the situaiton worse and may ruin our housing arrangement
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Tell them jealousy is an ugly color on everyone.
NTA, they sound miserable, jealous, and bitter.
NTA
Your roommates were mocking you as “princess,” dismissing your stress, and even criticizing how you talk to your mom without knowing the full story. That’s cruel and invasive. You snapped after repeated digs, and while the wording wasn’t ideal, it’s understandable. They created the hostility, not you. If they run to housing, be clear about the ongoing bullying. You’re not the problem here.
NTA. Honestly just leave. Say that you don’t want to live with bullies who refuse to treat you with kindness and then leave them to live in misery by themselves
NTA, your roommates are miserable for picking a fight with you and feeling the need to be superior because they had to do XYZ whereas you didn’t but they don’t get to do that as they don’t know your family. They are doing this to feel superior to you because they’re sad and miserable, classic projecting
NTA who the fuck they are to tell you all this shit, it’s not their business, so stay away from them, they annoyed me so much. They seem so jealous and envy-eyed, I don’t like this kind of people, these girls got what they deserved, they should be more empathetic to others in the very beginning
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this! Roommate troubles are never fun, especially when you had previously been friends.
While I don’t think what you said to Penelope was a good move, I also understand the frustration from both the continued comments and literally just getting off of a rough phone call from your mom.
Have you distinctly sat down with them and said how much their comments bother you? I’d see if you could get Alexis to be on your side there since they’ve said things to her as well. I know it will suck, but I do think you should apologize to Penelope, for your own sake, don’t let her have that over you. Explain that you’d been feeling their comments building up and you were in a very emotional state when she made what was clearly meant to be another snide comment.
Also, I don’t know what “real world” Kate and Penelope are living in, but it is extremely common for people’s parents to not charge them rent. In fact, I would say it is uncommon for parents to charge rent over the summer for their college students. Everyone else I know who pays rent at their parents are post college or didn’t go. As well, a lot of people don’t have “real jobs” until later, depending on your area and situation. And babysitting and housesitting are totally real jobs! I live in a more rural area and without a license, I literally couldn’t get to a job, even if I’d wanted to.
But yeah, I’d try your best to have a real talk with them. Say that you know things have been heated, but that you really want to have a good faith conversation, with the understanding that you have been friends and would like to remain roommates, and that you don’t mean for this to be an argument. They need to understand that everyone lives different lives and that having intersectional friendships is, in fact, good and important! Their comments hurt, whether they are intended to or not.
Also, one final note, they almost certainly couldn’t get you kicked out over calling her a miserable b one time. Housing contracts are a lot more complicated than that.
NTA and I would try to move out personally. They seem to either have had pretty privileged lives or lack empathy. Or they’re plain jealous. I didn’t get my first job til I was 18. I also didn’t have a car so job options were limited to what I could walk to and those places weren’t hiring. Point is, everyone has different circumstances and calling someone names because of those circumstances is not cool.
NTA. I’d have called her a lot worse. It’s not your fault Penelope’s parents are shit, and it doesn’t make you a princess to not have abusive parents.
Hunny, they are jelly of you hard-core. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were picking on you and your friend so you two leave and they get the space all for themselves. If i were you I would put a lock on my door and keep my stuff where they can’t get them before they decide that your things are up for grabs