Me (17f) and my bsf (15f) went to our local county fair. We had an amazing time. Near the end, she wanted to look around at the booths you can buy things at. I said I didn’t really want to because I wasn’t feeling well. (I have chronic knee, back, and hip pain, and she knows that) she seemed to understand. But ever since the fair, she hasn’t talked to me. I talked to her mom and explained the whole thing. I apologized both to her and her mom. But my cousin thinks I don’t owe her an apology because she knew of my conditions. AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
Me (17f) and my bsf (15f) went to our local county fair. We had an amazing time. Near the end, she wanted to look around at the booths you can buy things at. I said I didn’t really want to because I wasn’t feeling well. (I have chronic knee, back, and hip pain, and she knows that) she seemed to understand. But ever since the fair, she hasn’t talked to me. I talked to her mom and explained the whole thing. I apologized both to her and her mom. But my cousin thinks I don’t owe her an apology because she knew of my conditions. AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My friend wanted me to do something with her, but I said no because I have medical conditions that she knew of. She claims that I didn’t do anything what she wanted to that night at the fair, but that’s the only thing I denied. Ever since that night, she has not talked to me. Her mom claims I treated her badly, but I only refused to shop due to medical conditions.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Not the ah
INFO: why couldn’t have you sit down and have gone and looked herself?? If she hasn’t talked to you, are you sure this is what she is mad about?
INFO (but she is at least a bit TA)
Did you offer to sit somewhere nearby while she looked at the booths, or were not feeling well enough to do that?
I am sorry you have those chronic pains. I have them too (but am older). So I completely understand not being able to keep walking or standing. I also try not to hold my loved ones back from enjoying things that they can and want to enjoy.
If you needed to leave, then I hope your friend trusts your judgement about your own body. If you could have sat and waited while she looked around, then you can tell her that you are sorry you didn’t think to offer that.
Bottom line. It’s ok for her to be disappointed she didn’t get to do that but not to freeze you out. And she owes talking to you so that you two can resolve and reconcile.
I have 3 herniated disks in my back which also cause hip and leg pains. If I agree to plans and I’m in pain or tired I sit for a few while my friends look at whatever it is they want to look at. If you agree to be part of the plans, make your own Accomodations. Don’t make others accommodate you. There would have been a bench or somewhere for you to sit while she looked at the vendors.
You’re not the AH this time. But if you keep expecting people to cater to you, then yes, you will become the AH. But, your friend isn’t the AH either and is allowed to be upset that her day and trip was cut short.
Is your chronic pain something that inhibits you and her from doing a lot of stuff when you’re together? IF that’s the case, she might be re-evaluating your friendship. Give it some time.
NTA, she doesnt need to be led round on a leash, she could look while you sat and waited for her
NTA, but even though she is aware of your chronic pain, it would have been nice to explain how it would potentially impact your time at the fair. You could have made sure to spend some time looking at the booths earlier in the day before the pain became a day-ender.
Edit: corrected spelling
Look, it comes across as selfish that your pain issues were apparently not a problem UNTIL you were done with the things YOU wanted to do. If you have this big of a problem, maybe don’t make such physical plans.
Perhaps you should have put some of the things SHE wanted to do at the beginning, so she wasn’t left disappointed. Better communication next time, okay?
NAH.
What had you done prior to that? Had you split time equally before then between what you both wanted, or had she been doing what you were interested in only to be asked to leave when it was her turn? It may be that she is feeling it was a little unbalanced and you noped out when it got to ‘her time’, and even though she understands your limits, it feels unfair.
I have chronic pain and I’m careful to make sure that I front load heavy days like this so that stuff both I and whoever I’m with gets equal time before I run out of battery.
NTA OP not at all, not even a little bit. Your friend is being one by freezing you out and not communicating because your body had hit its limit. You did more than your part by offering to come back so she could shop but she’s throwing a tantrum. This is some ableist bs and you deserve better.