There was a birthday party that we were invited to for one of our cousin in law. It was going go be a sport birthday party, going to a tennis court and pretty much just play.
We were talking about it the day of that we were going, but then by the time that we were supposed to leave, I found out my SIL wasn’t going. So I told my husband I didn’t want to go anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband’s family. They accepted me into the family with love, and I don’t have a problem with them. It’s our cousins’ friends that I’m uncomfortable with.. every time we’re all together for a party, the friends never talk to me or acknowledges me, which made me feel uncomfortable. Only reason I could tolerate is if my SIL was there because she’s like my rock and always makes sure I feel comfortable. My husband tend to get lost in conversations with the boys sometimes so I can’t really talk to him as much.
I don’t mind talking to everyone if it’s just family, but when it comes to our cousins’ friends, I always feel uncomfortable. I explained this to my husband and now he’s upset with me.. he said he doesn’t understand why I would changed my mind last minute. I told him he could go without me, but he insisted he won’t go unless I go.
So, AITA?
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There was a birthday party that we were invited to for one of our cousin in law. It was going go be a sport birthday party, going to a tennis court and pretty much just play.
We were talking about it the day of that we were going, but then by the time that we were supposed to leave, I found out my SIL wasn’t going. So I told my husband I didn’t want to go anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband’s family. They accepted me into the family with love, and I don’t have a problem with them. It’s our cousins’ friends that I’m uncomfortable with.. every time we’re all together for a party, the friends never talk to me or acknowledges me, which made me feel uncomfortable. Only reason I could tolerate is if my SIL was there because she’s like my rock and always makes sure I feel comfortable. My husband tend to get lost in conversations with the boys sometimes so I can’t really talk to him as much.
I don’t mind talking to everyone if it’s just family, but when it comes to our cousins’ friends, I always feel uncomfortable. I explained this to my husband and now he’s upset with me.. he said he doesn’t understand why I would changed my mind last minute. I told him he could go without me, but he insisted he won’t go unless I go.
So, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my husband I don’t want to go to our cousins’ birthday party anymore on the very last minute.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA
Go to them. Talk to them. Insert yourself into the conversation. Be social. You shouldn’t need an emotional support person in order to be around family and friends and it’s rude to cancel at the last second.
NAH but did you ever communicate with your husband what you wrote here, every last detail of it? If you don’t spell it out for him he’s never going to understand and it’s kinda A to expect someone to read your mind about something so intricate.
Be a grown adult for your husband and be there for your family that you say has been loving to you
YTA
NTA. If you feel uncomfortable than you are uncomfortable. Your feelings are valid. Husband should be a little more understanding
YTA unless you’re like a teenager or something
YTA.
YTA last minute cancellation’s are asshole behavior
NTA. There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind if the situation has changed. Your husband is the family representative anyway and if he would enjoy it, he should go. There’s nothing wrong with him going to a party by himself, y’all aren’t joined at the hip.
NTA sounds like you’re excluded by the cousin in laws friends.
I think it would be different if you are dating. Since you’re married, I would encourage you to go with him to support him, as your husband. If they are rude to you, then I would suggest to describe in detail what happened with your husband, and come up with a solution together, as a team. However, if you choose to go to support him, then he should absolutely support you while you two are there, by taking initiative to frequently come over to check in on you, including you in conversations, and showing affection and comfort to you.
There should be open communication about this and support from both of you, in my opinion.
YTA.. you’re not a child and cancelling last minute is never okay unless you have an actual valid reason.
I have had to deal with similar situations without a SIL acting like my rock. You need to suck it up and just deal with it. Not having your SIL around might even give you an opportunity for you to make friends with other people.
YTA
“Only reason I could tolerate is if my SIL was there because she’s like my rock and always makes sure I feel comfortable.” OP, it’s time to put on our big girl pants and learn how to regulate our own emotions! you’re never going to be surrounded by people who make you comfortable during every single second of your life, you need to learn how to cope with discomfort.
Sounds like you let him down. You made a commitment, you really should have stuck to it. YTA
How did he explain your absence to his family? Did he have to lie or were you ok with him telling them the truth? Either way, you put him in an awkward situation.
NTA
You’ve told him how you feel and how they treat you.
I would now go and let him see it for himself.
I had the same problem with a group. I told my hubby I felt ignored and left out, he said he’d never seen it. The next time we were out with this group he suddenly saw it. I’m sure me pointingly looking at him every time they talked over me or ignored me help him notice it.
NTA. We aren’t obligated to do everything together just because we’re married. Sounds like he usually doesn’t really talk to you anyway with these people around so what does it matter if you’re there or not??? He can go and have a good time and you can relax at home. It’s not that big of a deal. Especially for a birthday party which is just playing tennis (which sounds weird as hell imo)
YTA. That’s just so last minute and isn’t really fair to him because he was also probably hoping for your company. Especially yta if you RSVPed yes
NTA. If they ignore you they don’t want you there. They won’t miss you. Personally I would apologize to my husband for changing plans last minute.
Does your husband understand that you are ignored by this group? Would he tolerate being mistreated?
How would you feel if it were reversed?
It doesn’t say anything here about if you communicated why you didn’t want to go to your husband as you bailed. Have you done so in the past?
Because your husband doesn’t understand and you told us you just decided not to go
I feel like we need more information. You said they don’t talk to or acknowledge you, and it seems like some people are assuming you didn’t try engaging in conversation with them. Are you expecting them to engage with you specifically, or are you trying to interact in conversations and getting iced out/ignored?
If the former, I’d say a light YTA, or ESH, as you need to be assertive in order to be part of a conversation, but also your husband is completely free to go without you. If it’s the latter, then NTA. I also would not want to waste hours being completely ignored and watching other people who won’t give you the time of day enjoy themselves without you. This is why I hate parties.
I’m wondering about how you are as a person and your personality as to where people are acting this way toward you. I mean are you a little weird? I would like to see how you interact with these people and as a whole to even judge it.
Nonetheless, YTA because you didn’t let your husband down and it looks like you’re not willing to take things head on and you’re just avoiding situations. You’re an adult, act like one. Your husband is there. You’re adult enough to marry, so stop acting like a scared squirrel.
It’s your decision, not his. If you made a commitment to the event in some way it’d be different, but as it sits you are NTAH. If you go, the teams would not be even since they lost one person already.
NTA
YTA
Your reason for not wanting to go is juvenile. If you’re grown enough to be married, you’re grown enough to show up for your husband. If he were to go alone, he’d have to explain your absence. What would you have him say? Would you want him to tell them the truth, or would you want him to lie to his family for you? That’s a shitty position to put him in.
Suck it up and go. Support your husband. Ignore the cousin’s friends and find someone to talk to.
Nta. If you don’t wanna go then don’t🤷
And tell your husband exactly what you wrote here about those friends and how you feel.
Is anyone losing money if you don’t go? Like, did they prepay for sport rentals or lessons or anything? Seems like no if your husband is willing to also not go if you don’t and SIL also bailed last minute. I guess I’m not seeing the big deal in not going to a cousins tennis playing party. If your husband is friends with his cousin and their friends, he should go and have a good time. Why does his wife need to go? I don’t feel the need to accompany my husband to all extended family parties—it’s easy enough to make an excuse if you just don’t feel up to it. I say NTA. Everyone’s telling her to be a big girl, but he should also be a big boy and be able to go without her.
NTA I think a lot of comments while yes your love his family don’t realize everybody is not comfortable everywhere especially if certain people don’t like them.
YTA, babe we gotta grow up. canceling last minute is very childish