Hi reddit, last night a small event happened and I would like your input on if i fucked up. I (M19) came back to my hometowm from my studies yesterday to visit family for a couple days and go to a concert with my parents (MF45). I greeted them and on the afternoon I visited hometown while my sister went out and my parents visited some friends.
While I was at my GFs place doomscrolling on IG I was suddenly called by my sister (F16) asking if I know what’s wrong with dad and why he’s in the hospital. I was dumbfounded by that question, first I was hearing of it, and I told her so, she then told me our mom asked that we get home so that we can be close and if she needs something (we live right next to the hospital and it’s a matter minutes getting there from our place). I called my mom right after because I was, reasonably I believe, a fair bit worried to see what’s up. My dad, while on their friends balcony, got up, started sweating and feeling hot, declared hes not feeling well, went pale and fainted (that’s also how my maternal grandfather died when my mom was 11 and she was there to see it)
My mom then also asked me to go home and be with my sister. I head off and right outside the hospital just before I got to my place my mom calls out to me, she was at the emergence unit after the ambulance had just arrived and told me to come talk to her. My dad was being examed at the time. She said that my dad got his senses back almost immediately after he passed out but they had a cardiologist in their friendgroup who insisted on him being rushed to the hospital just in case (he didn’t feel great even after he got his senses back)
I was then sent off to go be with my sister so she’s not alone and while leaving I run into an extended uncle (not my dad’s brother and not very direct family, I’m 3rd cousins with his kids). He and his family usually live in a city a couple hours away but when they’re back in town they live right next to us. He asked how things are and I told him a rushed version of what ive wrote here so far, he asked if we knkw what caused it and I also replied honestly that no, we don’t and we will find out soon. I return home to my sister and around 2 am when mom comes back she tells us dad will spend the night over there to be surveilled
Today my mom gave me a talking to telling me that my extended uncle had called my dad’s brother (who was abroad) to ask if my dad is okay and that got him panicked. She said I shouldn’t be too vocal about medical emergencies, at least not with people we aren’t that close to and that it’s a small town and ppl love gossiping (true). She told me some of it is on her for panicking us but that I helped spread the panick and now we have to deal with defusing the situation, AITA? Keep in mind my dad is okay and it ended up being not too serious and the conversation with my mom wasn’t a fight or a scolding, more like a pleading to me to be more careful. I was panicked just caught of guard in my panick.
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Hi reddit, last night a small event happened and I would like your input on if i fucked up. I (M19) came back to my hometowm from my studies yesterday to visit family for a couple days and go to a concert with my parents (MF45). I greeted them and on the afternoon I visited hometown while my sister went out and my parents visited some friends.
While I was at my GFs place doomscrolling on IG I was suddenly called by my sister (F16) asking if I know what’s wrong with dad and why he’s in the hospital. I was dumbfounded by that question, first I was hearing of it, and I told her so, she then told me our mom asked that we get home so that we can be close and if she needs something (we live right next to the hospital and it’s a matter minutes getting there from our place). I called my mom right after because I was, reasonably I believe, a fair bit worried to see what’s up. My dad, while on their friends balcony, got up, started sweating and feeling hot, declared hes not feeling well, went pale and fainted (that’s also how my maternal grandfather died when my mom was 11 and she was there to see it)
My mom then also asked me to go home and be with my sister. I head off and right outside the hospital just before I got to my place my mom calls out to me, she was at the emergence unit after the ambulance had just arrived and told me to come talk to her. My dad was being examed at the time. She said that my dad got his senses back almost immediately after he passed out but they had a cardiologist in their friendgroup who insisted on him being rushed to the hospital just in case (he didn’t feel great even after he got his senses back)
I was then sent off to go be with my sister so she’s not alone and while leaving I run into an extended uncle (not my dad’s brother and not very direct family, I’m 3rd cousins with his kids). He and his family usually live in a city a couple hours away but when they’re back in town they live right next to us. He asked how things are and I told him a rushed version of what ive wrote here so far, he asked if we knkw what caused it and I also replied honestly that no, we don’t and we will find out soon. I return home to my sister and around 2 am when mom comes back she tells us dad will spend the night over there to be surveilled
Today my mom gave me a talking to telling me that my extended uncle had called my dad’s brother (who was abroad) to ask if my dad is okay and that got him panicked. She said I shouldn’t be too vocal about medical emergencies, at least not with people we aren’t that close to and that it’s a small town and ppl love gossiping (true). She told me some of it is on her for panicking us but that I helped spread the panick and now we have to deal with defusing the situation, AITA? Keep in mind my dad is okay and it ended up being not too serious and the conversation with my mom wasn’t a fight or a scolding, more like a pleading to me to be more careful. I was panicked just caught of guard in my panick.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told an extended family member a medical event they’re not entitled to know
(2) It caused panic and gossip
I want reddits imput on if I was an asshole to see if me telling that was really that big a deal or I’d it was a human or normal reaction given the stressful circumstances
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA but next time you might think twice. As kids we are taught black and white thinking and as we mature we realise there’s a lot more grey areas. I agree with your mother that medical issues are often private. As you mentioned, she wasn’t angry. It’s just a lesson for us all. Hope your father is doing well.
NTA, you were worried & honestly answered your uncle’s question. Plus, it’s not like you knew he’d contact your Dad’s brother. If you’d told the uncle that your dad was fine, then this could have bitten you on the back later if the uncle found out your dad had been hospitalised.
Edit: typo
NTA!
OMG it was an emergency. It’s always a good idea to get more help during an emergency so don’t be too hard on yourself and blame yourself for being “too vocal”. It might seem like you overreacted in hindsight but that’s just post crisis self doubt seriously. NTA!
NTA
Unless you are asked to keep your dad’s being in a hospital a secret, it’s not AH to tell a relative briefly what’s happened. You are not responsible what the uncle does, nor are you responsible for “defusing” – whatever does that even mean – the situation. I mean, your pops was in the hospital, but is now okay. That’s about it. Don’t try and argue with your mom, though. Just nod and say you’d be more mindful and let the subject drop.
NTA! You were in a panic and while yeah, a perfectly rational person may have considered not telling to avoid this situation, you were not totally rational and you were honest with a family member which is a good trait