Myself, my partner and our 5 month old were invited to a family event for my parters brother & his partner at an event space. When we got there we realised there was no space in the room for the pram so I put him in the carrier and went into to say hello to everyone. After a bit of time the baby was upset so I changed him and brought him out into a different space to feed him because he’d been upset.
After that the live entertainment started and when I returned to the room with the baby it was really quite loud – after a few minutes the baby started crying so again I took him out into separate space at the front of the venue with regular patrons.
After about an hour I realised the baby would never go to nap with people going back and forth around us so I took him out for a walk in the pram for about 30 mins.
At this point we had been at the party for 2 hours and most of that was spent with me in a different space to everyone else with the baby. I told my partner that myself and the baby were going home because we’d been on our own for 2 hours, the baby was cranky inside and I didn’t want to walk around with him in the pram until the end of the event (another hour).
I asked him to come with us when we left and he was upset that he had to leave so in the end I told him to just go back, meaning I took our baby home myself and we had an argument after he returned home 3 hours after we left.
AITA to expect my partner to come home with us rather than staying at the party?
I went to the event, was left to look after the baby for the time we were there alone as the room wasn’t suitable for the baby (not that they needed to cater to us – if I had known how loud it would be I would have either not gone or brought ear defenders for the baby).
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Myself, my partner and our 5 month old were invited to a family event for my parters brother & his partner at an event space. When we got there we realised there was no space in the room for the pram so I put him in the carrier and went into to say hello to everyone. After a bit of time the baby was upset so I changed him and brought him out into a different space to feed him because he’d been upset.
After that the live entertainment started and when I returned to the room with the baby it was really quite loud – after a few minutes the baby started crying so again I took him out into separate space at the front of the venue with regular patrons.
After about an hour I realised the baby would never go to nap with people going back and forth around us so I took him out for a walk in the pram for about 30 mins.
At this point we had been at the party for 2 hours and most of that was spent with me in a different space to everyone else with the baby. I told my partner that myself and the baby were going home because we’d been on our own for 2 hours, the baby was cranky inside and I didn’t want to walk around with him in the pram until the end of the event (another hour).
I asked him to come with us when we left and he was upset that he had to leave so in the end I told him to just go back, meaning I took our baby home myself and we had an argument after he returned home 3 hours after we left.
Am I overreacting to expect my partner to come home with us rather than staying at the party?
I went to the event, was left to look after the baby for the time we were there alone as the room wasn’t suitable for the baby (not that they needed to cater to us – if I had known how loud it would be I would have either not gone or brought ear defenders for the baby).
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I may be the asshole because while I did ask if he was coming home with us, I didn’t really feel there was an acceptable answer apart from ‘yes I’ll be coming home with you’
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA, just because you are unskilled at childcare, doesn’t meant your partner should suffer for it.
NTA
You both decided to have a child, knowing that a child needs care. It can happen that the child wasn’t having it for the day and you already tried to calm it down so he got time to enjoy the event.
He also could’ve taken care of it, but you let him enjoy the event. The other option would’ve been that his parents or yours would’ve go for a walk with your child.
But he also decided to have a child and there needs also to adapt. Maybe you both need to communicate more about that, because from the post that the communication wasn’t great.
NTA. I understand partner wanting to be there for his brother but as a new parent the baby’s needs come first.
INFO: why didn’t you guys switch on who went out with the baby?
You need to be more prepared than this and work as a team with your spouse. Both of you should find out what kind of an event you are attending with your baby. You need to know what you are getting into and there needs to be agreement on who’s caring for the baby and how long you are staying etc. It’s ok for him to want to hang out with his family while you’re left with the baby duty, but this should not become a default and there should be an agreed upon strategy for every event you attend, and when it’s time for your family function he’s the one who cares for the little one. The workload should be shared fairly, he should’ve made more of an effort to make sure you are prepared and coping well since it was his family event, and it would’ve been nicer of you to be more supportive of him hanging out with his family even if you are not there with him. Support each other. This is a great way to build up resentment. ESH
NTA. You have a BABY now. Partner needs to understand that. They can’t leave all the child care up to you when they want to go to a party. You’re new parents, maybe you need to have a sit down chat about what social events are going to look like, how you’re splitting childcare etc.
NTA a thousand times
I think your partner is TA for not helping you, point blank period.
That being said, if someone has to leave the event with baby I think its OK couples take turns so the other person doesn’t have to miss something all the time. Ex if its your family’s event, he go home with baby. If its his family’s event, you go home with baby. Just so that each of you get time to enjoy your friends and family sometimes.
Info What was the event? Most events for couples are one off events that their siblings would think are important to attend.
Nah, I think people forget how exhausting, upsetting, and embarrassing it is dealing with an overly stimulated baby. Then you have to calm them down at home. It is a lot when you’re on your own
It is nice that your partner could stay, but at the same time, the backup is needed. I agree with other comments that you guys need to learn to tag team or one of you skip events that’s too much for baby. What’s annoying though is he got what he wanted but still dragged the argument later on.
You should have hired a babysitter or stayed yourself with the baby.
Poor planning. He wanted to enjoy his family event, which is reasonable. He also did not have to leave with you.
You spent the whole time babysitting and did not premeditate how much this would ruin the enjoyment for everyone. You knew it was a loud venue. Plan better.